Would you be mad about this???

Question

I was married to my husband on 6/2/07 but just today I found a bill in a stack of papers for him (from 10/19) that included a charge for a movie that I looked up and it is a porno (had an obviously porn name too but I wanted to make sure) the charge was for purchase on 7/19.

Now I am not against porn, but I am against secrets...had he told me maybe I wouldn't have cared. But we had not even been married for a full month!!!!! Would you be upset too????

im mad 1. that he doesn't try to sleep with me as often as before marriage and 2..it was anal porn which when I try to get from him he says 'i'm not a pervert" and refuses!!!!

also it wasn't cable he spent like 40 bucks on buying one but i cant find it anywhere lol which to me says he hid it...meaning he knew it'd upset me

i like porn to but we've only been married 6 months so I still enjoy him a lot and it was only 1 month in that he did it

Answer 1

Was this the only time? Let him know you'd really like him to be open with you about this. If there is some attraction to porn. If it was the only time he's done this, don't fly off the handle. Maybe he was bored! And not so bright as the cable bill notes titles!

Answer 2

So what you are saying is that you have asked for anal sex, and he is not allowed to spend $40 to check out how its done without asking you first.

You may be against secrets but I'll bet you have a few that you are not being totally upfront about.
Quit the double standard and get on with it.

I liked the answer above about not bringing up porn in general conversation..
"Hi honey, you know I think that anal is gross and perverted but what do you think about me going down to the local shop and picking up a copy of Anal Angels # 395 so I can see if I might like putting it up your backside? Do you think I might have an advance on my $20 weekly allowance for that?"

Answer 3

Porn isn't the kind of thing most people would bring up, even if it's not a secret it's not like he'd be like "Hey honey, I bought a porno today, isn't that great???" If the bigger issue is that you two aren't as intimate as you'd like then bring that up. It doesn't really sound like this is about 'secrets' or 'porn' because if you were totally 100% satisfied, would you really have an issue with this?

Answer 4

I can't quite see what there is to be upset about.

Maybe you can point out to him that's there's nothing to be secretive about, watching a porn is not the end of the world.
And by hiding this from you, it actually does more harm as you're bound to wonder if he has other secrets.
So, make him understand that there's no point and no such a good thing as secret in a couple.

Good luck.xx

Answer 5

No, I would be thinking that before you were married you guys knew enough of eachother to know what eachother likes and does not like.

Maby he did not show you the bill, because that is the part of your marriage that you did not communicate about, honey, if you did not talk about this, can you blame him for not showing you??? He is totally afraid of what you will say!

You have to talk to him now, and tonight and this weekend and tell him how you feel, that you are not against this, and maby after you tell him, you can watch a good one on tv, and have a wonderful and exciting and thrilling evening and weekend!!!

Answer 6

C.C. you have answer your own question about your husband and adult movies. If you're OK with him watching adult movies why would you confront him about it? Where I notice where your problem was you trying to make him confess that he wasn't a Pervert (addition detail). Because the adult movie was about back door entrance, which might have struck a hidden never with you against adult movies. Are you afraid that he might want to knock at your back door one giving day? If you're ok with him watching adult movies, then why are you trying make him to confess to something that he is not. There are men like to watch that kind of adult movies and some women like to their back door be knock on. Does this make women prevert too? Since you confront him on this issue, might have a lot why he have withdrawn from you. Just think about it...ok. Would you want to be involve with your husband after he trying to make confess that you're not a pervert?

Answer 7

I am a woman but I have a sex drive like a man and so I understand their fascination with porn ( I really like watching it too) and no its not cheating nor wrong as long as its not excessive, too time consuming or replacing your sex life with movies and magazines. A one time isolated event like that is harmless. If he still gives you plenty of sex, then let it go. Perhaps ask him if you can watch it together, you may really enjoy it. When women start harping on their men masterbating or watching porno's thats when their men withdraw from them emotionally and start keeping secrets. I could care less if my husband watches it, shoot quite honestly I wish he would watch it more ( with me), hehe.

Answer 8

I'd confront him with what I found and tell him never let it be said that the wife is the last to find out. And if you think that I'm going to tolerate you keeping secrets from me, you better think again. And if you want me to have trust issues with you, just keep this **** up and I will.

Answer 9

Porn is wrong. It is a form of infidelity. That's why he hides it from you. You should tell him you know all about it, and that you don't appreciate the secrets.

Answer 10

He was probably reverting back to is adult single ways. You need to remind him that he is neither an adult nor single any more. He now has a woman to think for him.