I cheated on my wife. We were married 2 years. we only knew each other 2 years and 6 months. we had a "shotgun wedding" she treated me like sh**, never was intimate with me, never went out with me, basically it was like living with my sister. i cheated on her and i am with this amazing woman whom i have falling head over heels for. i know i did the wrong thing by cheating but we ended it and are filing for divorce. and yes shes mad about the cheating, but we are getting along for the sake of our daughter. she obviously hates the girl i am with now and is making her life miserable by calling and harassing her and calling her family and harassing them. is there anything i can do to help my ex through this? i still care for her feelings and especially since she is my daughters mom....
2007-11-23 07:22:26 · 46 answers · asked by jenn_gen719 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well remember the virgin mary rode Joseph's a$$ all the way to Jerusalem.
If your wife was never intimate with you, how did the two of your get married or even have a shotgun wedding?
2007-11-23 07:26:46 · answer #1 · answered by CHARLES R 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Begin at the simplest level ... sweetly, kindly, quietly, ask her to stop the calling. Explain that it hurts her, too. Tell her that being mad is hurting herself the worse. Try this first.
If this does not work - the see if your girlfriend, and her family, would block her calls completely. Sometimes .. changing phone numbers helps stop the calls.
Be patient. Maybe with time, her anger will wear off .. ... and sometimes not wear off .. but you can only try ^ hope so.
If the harrassment continues .. and gets out of hand .. your girlfriend, and her family, may need to go to more drastic things. The reason this may eventually need to be stopped .. that if she continues on for a very long time - then the situation could escalate to other things which may not be so good.
If it does not stop after you all have tried to work with her .. have an attorney .. or some JP .. or some law official .. to write her a simple letter requesting that she stop the harrassment .. or charges will be filed. I know someone who had the letter wrote - and the person stopped the harrassment immediately.
I can tell that you are hurting for her feelings .. but she is wrong in harrassment .. and it IS against the law at some levels .. so your wife is wrong in what she is doing. Plus - you don't want this to go into other stages of trouble ... look at the case where the wife got so angered that she ran over her husband with her car when she found the husband together with the other lady.
Prevention .. is a good thing.
2007-11-23 07:46:15 · answer #2 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter how unhappy you were with your marriage, it was wrong of you to cheat before breaking up with her. Now your wife, on top of her already contrary personality, has something to be mad at you about forever. That kind of hurt would be painful to anyone for a long time. Maybe that was your goal at the time. I'm glad you are getting a divorce now though.
Change your home phone number so your wife cannot call and harass your current gf. Give the wife a cell phone number to call so it can only be to you and about your daughter and the divorce. Have your gf parents get caller ID so they don't have to give any time to their harassment either.
Let your wife know that you are sorry about the circumstances you both are in. That you were wrong to have the affair, that you are sorry (aplogize a lot) But now you don't want to cause any new pain. That you like certain things about her, and you want to have a good relationship for the sake of your daughter. Your wife may vent for a long time because of the pain of the cheating. You have to allow her to do that (but just to you, not anyone else) No matter how venomous she is, you have to remain calm and positive. Eventually she will calm down some. Soon I hope she will have some distraction with a new relationship of her own.
2007-11-23 07:35:52 · answer #3 · answered by Susan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, just don't retaliate and also try and support your current girl friend.
At the end of the day, if there was no sex in the marriage, after you had your daughter, then, I guess that deep down she knew it would come to this.
So, if you two didn't do anything about it then, and now you have fallen for someone else, then, she needs to move on, since you already have.
So, while you are being understanding and still care for her, at the end of the day, you can't hold her hands for ever.
She has now to accept that your life is going in two different directions and get on with it.
And that woman you cheated with and now are living with, well, your wife has to understand that, it was also your choice as a married man to sleep with someone else, so, at the end of the day, this woman is not the one who should have to take the rap for it.
Well, I'd suggest to not retaliate, but not to keep holding her hands, unless you do love her and so, go back together and give up your current girlfriend.
One partner is work enough.
Good luck.
2007-11-23 08:16:40 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... That’s pretty crazy. You need to sit down with your Ex and talk with her. Tell her why it didn’t work out between the two of you. She needs to know why. She needs closer with you for her own sake. She knows that it didn’t work out and she knows that you both would have been miserable had you stayed together however, something obviously went ok at one time or another otherwise you guys would have never met, been married, or had a daughter. Talk with her, let her know that you care for her not just because of your daughter but because of the fact that she was once in your life... And the biggest part of your life. Let her know that you know you did wrong, and if you could change what happened that you would do it a different way where it was not cheating... but you cannot change the past. All you can do is live for today and hope that tomorrow will be better. Tell her that you are not asking for her approval over your new love, you are looking for peace for you daughters sake and the sake of everyone involved. In the mean time, you can call the phone company and they can set it up so that you and your new loves family cannot receive certain calls from your Ex. That might be bad though just in case something happens to your daughter… Your Ex needs to move on with her life. I do not believe in what you did. My father did it to my mother and I don’t feel its right… but I am not judging you because we all do stupid things one time or another in our life… I just hope that you can find happiness with your new love. Good luck… sounds like your gonna need it!
2007-11-23 07:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by geniusmommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing that you can do to help her through this and the fact that she treated you that way and wasn't intimate with you means that this is just payback for her. you have to make sure she isn't also taking her anger out on your daughter and if so file for custody. Normally you could file a restraining order to keep her from harassing the girl and her family but this may not be possible because of your daughter unless she is affecting the physical or mental health of your daughter. Perhaps once the divorce is final she will settle down but your attorney may be able to make it part of the divorce that she not contact you or the new girl friend for anything other than visitation or child support reasons.
2007-11-23 07:34:24 · answer #6 · answered by Al B 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you did things backwards.
Your ex-wife has every right to be bitter/hurt.
There's nothing you can do to make her feel better.
Maybe she'll realize that she's hurting herself by wasting her time and energy on hating you and your new woman and get on with her life - but don't count on it.
Keep the interaction between the ex and the new to a minimum. If the new woman feels this is out of control, she may need to have legal intervention so the ex will leave her and the family along - but that should be the last resort as it'll cause even more hard feelings.
Good luck.
2007-11-23 07:26:35 · answer #7 · answered by MARY N 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You messed up and now your gf has to deal with it.
She can get a court order if she feels it needs to go this far. If not let your ex cool down. The bad thing with the order is this may also restrict your gf with the child around. If you get your daughter and your wife drops her off than your gf can not be there. As she can not put your wife out if your wife needs to stay away from your gf your gf can not put her in the position to break it.
Only thing you can do is keep saying you are sorry and try to explain why but until your ex is ready to hear it and believe it there is not much you can do.
2007-11-23 07:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by G L 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first and foremost, I'd apologize to her. It seems obvious and stupid, but if you haven't honestly told her that it was a mistake, you're not gonna get anywhere. You're also gonna have to talk to the other woman. I don't know what the situation with her was, I assume she knew you were married, but you've put her in a bad position too.
You also need to stop seeing her, if you haven't already. Distance yourself from her to avoid future trouble and to hopefully spare her from the wrath of your wife [or ex-wife as it may be]. You don't want to get involved with her if she was willing to help you cheat on your ex-wife, (well any more involved than you already are) and if she didn't know she shouldn't want to be getting involved with you.
Ultimately, you're gonna want to see some counseloring. (You should have had some from the beginning, really) Yahoo! Answers is no substitute for real professionals.
2007-11-23 07:32:48 · answer #9 · answered by chess19902000 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
5% of relationships that begin from affairs actually last, so good luck on that. I suggest you apologize to your wife and tell her that you want to try and make the situation work for the sake of your daughter. Have your gf and her family block the number and ask your wife to stop bothering them since the anger she has is towards you. She has every right to be angry and hurt, you took the easy way out and it's not her fault you decided to marry someone you barely knew. Now you have to lie in the bed you made. I suggest getting a mediator to assist with the situation.
2007-11-23 07:30:40 · answer #10 · answered by Vivita 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Just sit down with her, and ask her how she felt about the relationship overall. Ask if she felt like the relationship really worked while it was good, and explain how you had felt about that. Tell her that it wasn't something you were planning on doing, but you just felt like the marriage was out of your control. She needs to hear how you felt when you began cheating. She needs some sort of closure on why it happened, or else she will never get over it.
If that approach doesn't work, then you can always take the "I guess I'm getting what I deserve" approach. That way she knows that you know that it was wrong, and that you feel like you are getting what you feel is justice.
2007-11-23 07:30:03 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋