Was anyone thinking something different?

Question

When answering the question re "will a six week old remember"As someone who has just gotten through post natal depression, i found myself feeling quite upset with some of the responses. Irealise that my circumstances were different from those of the poster but at certain times when at my lowest, i ashamed to say that i shouted at my child when she cried. I didnt know what she wanted and as i wasnt myself, i took my frustration out in tht way. I did always feel guilty after thid which made my depression worse, but thankfully i am now over it and my daughter and i are so happy. But when reading the responses, and someone saying that it is abuse to shout, i would just like to say that all circumstances are different. i would neverabuse my child, the idea turns my stomach, i got help. just spare a thought for those who are going through PND. Also, dads can go through it too.

Please also realise that i am not condoning or excusing.

Answer 1

I had PND for 5 years before it was diagnosed. I feel your pain and it is something you will carry with you for a long time, but it is something which will make you stronger and a much more attentive mother for having gone through it. PND is not triggered by a baby having colic or by lack of sleep, it is caused by an hormonal imbalance in the brain. Why don't women in this position seek help sooner?, may have something to do with fear, I knew what was wrong with me but felt ashamed, alone, isolated, afraid my husband would stop loving me if he thought i wasn't coping, fear of letting everyone down, felt useless at the thought I wasn't taking to motherhood like the fairytale. I would never have abused any of my babies, 99.9% of women with PND dont. Unfortunately some women feel so lost and alone the only way to help themselves and their baby is by taking their own life. So before anyone condemns any mother with PND, try getting of those pearly white throwns you have wedged yourselves into and try walking a mile in our shoes.

Answer 2

i know exactly how you feel! i had sever PND, to the point of selfharming, it wasnt picked up until my daughter was 6 months old. ive just come of the medication (daughter is now 2) however i used to do the same; used to end up screaming and shouting. i knew she couldnt help crying, it was her way of expressing herself but i couldnt help it and just like you i ended up feeling absolutly dreadful after, in floods of tears saying sorry to her, i knew it wasnt her fault.
the problem is people dont understand an illness that they cant see (and yes to all you ignorant people out there it is a regognised mental disorder!) and you end up with people saying "oh get a grip" etc which makes it worse or my personal fave "its all in your head" - well aint you bloody smart yes it is but not in the way you mean it you fool!
i now dont even like leaving my daughter and get seperation anxity to the point of checking her several times per night and not letting anyone else look after her 'just incase anything was to happen' which i now have to work on.
at the end of the day you get better and lead a normal life with your children, they know you love them and lets just see how many people havent ever shouted at their children i dont think there would be 1 person on the planet!
there is a difference between being abusive to a child and going through pnd or just telling them off!

Answer 3

I think the message that people were trying to get accross is... you shouldnt be screaming at a baby. I am a mother of two, both had colic from early teatime to early hours of the morning somedays (constant crying for hours).... I might as well have been a single mother as hubby was always in bed early for getting up for work early ( how the h*ll he slept it through it amazed me)

My point is, that if you scream at your child, where or when will it stop? We all know that a newborn to 6 month old doesnt know that youre screaming at them, but why not put them sfaely in a cot or bouncy chair, make sure they are safe and then go into another room and yell.

PND is a real problem with some women, but I think even they know when enough is enough and its time to ge help, even they know that they just dont feel right.

So all people are trying to say is... get help, before something serious happens!

Answer 4

you go girl!! been there, bought the t shirt. good to hear you are feeling better. i often find some responses to serious questions are answered by those who are judgemental, ignorant and basically unhelpful. in your isolation and desperation, the last thing you need is someone telling you that you are an abuser. even if someone has gone through it, they are not qualified to make you feel ashamed. everyone is alone in that dark place. mothers always seem to be open to criticism. but remember, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!! (eventually, after many battles)

Answer 5

I think that some people on here jus like to make u feel bad, but i would say that if it has happened only a few times then they arent goin to remember it. it will hav an ifluence on them at the time but i wouldnt say it is something that is going to hav an affect for the rest of their lives. i think that you are like any other person and alot of women go through PND and it is jus a way of life. You sound like you are a great mother and you jus went through a stessful time.

Answer 6

I am suffering from postpartum depression have been since the birth of my son 6 wks ago, and I screamed at him once and walked away. Came back feeling like such a horrible mother and picked him back up. No he won't remember that but I know he sensed my anger, like if I hurt his feelings. But I'm getting better day by day with taking Zoloft and I would never hurt him or my other 2 kids.

Answer 7

My son screamed for 4 hours straight several times when he first came home from the hospital (He was a preemie and in the hospital for 10 weeks). I was so sleep deprived and I would set him in his swing and turn it on and walk away for a few minutes. I did scream once and he stopped screaming fo a second and started screaming again for another 4 hours. I felt like the worst mom ever. He is now 3 years old and is such a mama's boy. They don't remember those days, just we do and it makes us feel horrible that we resorted to that.

Answer 8

I had PND too and usually find that the unsympathatic reponses come from men or women who haven't gone through it. Now you have recovered, concentrate on the time you spent with your child now - most kids remember from 3yrs onwards - lots of fun, games and cuddles and you can't go far wrong.

Answer 9

Glad you got help reference your PND and are now over it. You were going through Hell at the time and the Muppet's on here that answer your serious question don't help. Nice to hear you and daughter are happy.

Best wishes

Answer 10

Just pary to God,He alone can provide you peace and solace.All the best.Take care friend!