Men: How do you feel when a woman takes the initiative to take you on a date?

Question

and pays? Do you feel less masculine? Do you get turned off? How do you look at the woman and how does it make you feel?

Sarah: I have noticed that too. Some think just because you made one aggressive move, you're going to take the aggressive role all the way...but that's not always the case. As a matter of fact, I think it's best to be aggressive sometimes, then pull back and let him handle the rest---equality that is LOL

Answer 1

Generally, I have no problem with it. I've heard the rationale of 'The person who asks, pays,' and I like it, though I always volunteer to pay. It is the women who starts with, 'Let me take you out,' and then refuses to accept me paying that really wins my respect.

Of course, I am specifically talking about two people who are not a couple, and the woman initiates setting up a 'date.'

Of course, this has only happened to me once. Yep, once, in 33 years. What happens far, far more commonly (to me - not definitive, just my experience) is that the woman will 'hang around,' or in other ways make her interest palpable. Then, of course, I decide that the woman is obviously trying to get me to 'make the move,' and I do. Actually, more commonly, I don't, since THAT kind of game playing turns me off, especially in a woman very near my own age. I'll accept it, depending on her manner, but usually it gives me the impression of silly game playing, and I walk. If the women is quite obviously interested, but won't take the initiative, then I generally take it as a sign that any ole fella will do, her interest is in the hook-up, not me, specifically.

But a woman who takes the initiative with class (that is, doesn't default to blatant sexuality) is impressive. A touch intimidating? Yes, but that almost never stops me, since I know that the intimidation is a knee-jerk reaction, not grounded in anything but my natural human insecurity/uncertainty.

In my experience, women who take the initiative are rather rare (except in the club scene, but that is the environment determining the behavior). So much so that it is more of a hypothetical daydream, or something that happens on TV.

Ghad, I almost forgot the girl that proposed to me (WITH ring!) Of course, she split 2 weeks later. I think she only proposed because I cut her loose.

So that's 2 occasions. In any case, I'm impressed by a woman who takes initiative. That means I won't have to hold her hand all day, for everything.

Answer 2

It makes sense and is logical but I don't think most men really analyze this setup much more than simply just accepting that this is the way life, and this is how men attract women. We are socialized into a situation where men are the ones who must impress women, and women simply choose whether a man is worthy or not in the beginning, but that doesn't dictate the nature of the actual relationship.

Answer 3

Would love it. But am no Brad Pitt, so doesn't happen often.

I think the issue of who pays at a date is outdated and would gladly date a woman who is more successful and has more money than me.

And this coming from a sexist.

So to answer your question, don't think it is a big deal.

Answer 4

This happened to me once. A woman I had been dating for a few months invited me to dinner, "on me" she said.
This seemed to be a refreshing change to me but at the end of the night she ended the romantic relationship (she dumped me). Her logic was that she would have felt guilty accepting my hospitality and then tell me she wanted to see someone else.

Answer 5

They love it, trust me. ;)

I think sometimes then men assume you're going to chase them around, and they can't believe it when you don't. But I think it's fun to show them another perspective: that a woman can enjoy taking a man out just to get to know him and then leave the ball in his court. I don't think of that as circumscribing gender roles; it's just etiquette. If you take someone out and give the meeting your best shot, then you leave him to decide what to do next. I think the mistake women make is not that they take a man out, but that they pursue too forcefully. Nobody likes that.

Edit: When I was dating there were a number of occasions when I took a guy out and we exchanged numbers, then a week later he'd call and ask "why haven't you called me"? lol..

And I told him, "because I thought you'd call if you had a good time...?" I think that makes sense. I'm not going to just assume he wants to see me again since he didn't ask in the first place. I know when guys took me out, I called and said "thanks, I had a great time, I hope we do it again soon." Since I already know how he feels, it makes sense to let him know the feeling is mutual.

Answer 6

It would be so refreshing to meet a woman who had some initiative. I'd love it.

Answer 7

I wouldn't know, but I suspect I'd be quite wary, wondering if she was just very independent and non-traditional or if she was desperate and potentially dangerous. Unusual circumstances usually recommend caution.

Answer 8

Actually this has never happened with me, but if you seen what I look like you would understand, eeeeeeehhhhhhh.

Answer 9

I feel surprised and pleased. Or I would if it ever happened!

Answer 10

I would be flattered. That's telling me that they like me enough to be so bold.