After over a decade of marriage and 2 deployments, my spouse suddenly announces that he is no longer in love (I love you but...). After this announcement, he turned very distant and cruel, and makes hints of divorce. He has minimized all contact with the children and I, and has nothing positive to say about us, work or life in general. I am unsure if it is the stresses of war, or he has simply lost his committement. I have been loyal and supportive. Is he able to file for divorce from Iraq? Any suggestions for me. Time is of the essence.
2007-11-23 03:23:23 · 15 answers · asked by Bailey 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My brother is in Iraq also. He's trying to find a way to divorce his wife (who is spending all his money and admitting to sleeping with another guy). He's not having any luck. He has been told that he has to wait til he's back in the States.
As you know, war changes a person. My brother has changed alot. Not really for the bad but he is different. They go through alot over there. Maybe your husband really does love you "but" he could be going through alot of emotional issues from there. It doesn't always mean that he found someone else but that could be a possibility. "Another woman" isn't a reason to be distant from his kids. He may just be scared too. Continue being supportive (and loyal) until you find out for sure what's going on. You don't want to be the one regretting anything! Good luck!
2007-11-23 03:49:39 · answer #1 · answered by Simply Me 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am so sorry. I currently have a husband who will be missing all of the holiday's this year due to deployment, he left a month ago and won't be home until next year. Yes, just the simple stress of not being at home, around your family, and see what war is doing to people first hand is a stress that you and I as military spouses will never understand. I have no doubt that he loves his children and I have no doubt that he loves you. This may not be an easy thing to hear, but after talking to people, including my husband who has been there, sometimes the men and women over there have this sense of doom they won't make it home, and they try to break off all ties thinking it's easier for the people they've left at home. My only suggestion is to keep sending letters. Send pictures, have the children if they are old enough write letters. Send one everyday and never forget to tell him you love him and his children love him. The world that he's in right now is unforgiving and hard. Don't give up on him. Make an appoint with your family doctor and get a referral to speak with a family counselor. When you know he's coming home, maybe you can have an appointment set up and you can go discuss the issues. As far as filing in Iraq, he can go speak with a legal officer, but no, military JAG officers do not do divorces. Just keep loving him and supporting him, at least until he gets home and you can get a better picture of what's going on. I wish you the absolute best.
2007-11-23 03:48:56 · answer #2 · answered by candice b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He will have to wait until he is home to see about a divorce and if he is asking you about that, tell him you will discuss that when he returns home. It may be that the divorce is inevitable but it may also be that he has found another female soldier there and they are using each other to relief the stress there, and in that case he may be okay once he gets out of the war zone and home again, if you can forgive him for that. It may even be that someone else there received a Dear John Letter and he is wondering how faithful you are while he is gone. these are things that will have to be explored when he gets back because the war itself may have changed him to the point that he is no longer the person you fell in love with and a divorce may be best for you as well. Good Luck to you and I hope this works out for the best one way or the other.
2007-11-23 03:40:46 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He can get the paperwork started. I would recommend that you talk to the base chaplain if you are near the base. War can be stressful and can cause personality changes in some people. All I can say is get your things in order, so if he does spring this on you that you are ready. In many cases if you are married to a military person for 10 or more years, the government thinks you are entitled to 1/2 of that person's retirement check. Be sure to speak to the kids about this as well, because having it just pop up on them can be just as hard. In some cases you may be entitled to receive his housing combination pay and medical assistance for the children.
2007-11-23 03:54:55 · answer #4 · answered by Mikki MacKinnon 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have no idea if he can file for divorce. I would say he is likely under tremendous stress that may cause him to question everything...and I would not make any major decisions or come to any definite conclusions in this situation. He may have some big issues to work through. If you love him try to be supportive and give him a chance to work through this. If his behavior becomes abusive get away from him.
2007-11-23 03:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by George 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's hard. It might all be a symptom of the stress of the war. Its not the best solution but maybe the only thing you can do is wait till he gets back, make an appointment with a couple counsellor but be prepared (mentally, financially etc) in case you do have to go through with the divorce.
2007-11-23 03:31:24 · answer #6 · answered by Candace 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one knows what those guys/girls go thought while in Iraq unless you've been and in your case you don't know. He has been over there twice and when he comes back he is going to be mentally done. He needs help, no telling what he has seen. He is very scared and all he knows is kill kill anger anger. There is no love there in Iraq. He is acting like that because he is hurting and that is what some people do when their hurting. They hurt the person/people that love them. Give him some space. He needs it. You can write him back and express how much you and the kids love him and you will always be there for him in whatever decision he makes.
God can only handle this situation. This is a time to pray and trust in God. Focus on yourself and children. Put it in God's hand you have no control over this.
2007-11-23 03:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by ksr79 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's very possible the stress of 2 deployments is affecting him negatively and causing the behavior you mentioned. Don't give up on him yet, be supportive and get him some help. If in the end you get divorced at least you did everything you could for yourself and your children. Good luck.
2007-11-23 03:33:41 · answer #8 · answered by jc 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i am sooo sorry you are going through this, because the worst part is, your spouse is in a place where you cant sit down and talk to him to see whats really going on. deployments are tough enough, but with him cutting of contact its even more difficult. he might be having a hard time over there, depends on what job he has and if he is in a danger zone. i am not sure whether he can file for divorce over there, i heard it is possible, but cant say for sure. either way, i hope you stay strong and that he will come back to you.
2007-11-23 03:32:26 · answer #9 · answered by not this way 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if he files for a divorce give it to him it could be stress and could be the war and how he feels from the war pressure how ever if he truly love you and the kids he will come back meaning if you love something set it free if he love you he will be back work with him not against him only GOD knows what these peoples have to endure my prays for you that before the divorce papers reach you he will have came to his senses keeping praying for the answer only GOD can show you the right thing to do
2007-11-23 03:33:43 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋