Fiance is unstable, drinks and threatens suicide?

Question

I've been in a relationship with this man for 2 years now. We have a daughter together. Generally he is very nice on the surface, but underneath he has a lot of problems and instability.

He drinks and when he does he cannot control himself. When we fight, he throws our furniture around and crawls in a corner and bawls. If I try to leave, he threatens suicide and tells me to 'take good care of his daughter.' We live across the street from his parents so everytime something happens, he runs over crying to his mother. I have no one here.

Worse, he runs over to his parent's house every day and tells them I'm mean to him all the time, that I don't keep the house perfectly clean. His sister even admitted to me last night that he is a major overexaggerator and that she doesn't think those things of me.

We got into a fight last night and he told me to leave and not come back and that he'd be taking my daughter away from me. How can I prevent him from doing this? I want to protect her.

Also, he is not very mature. He has asthma so his mother kept him locked up in the house all his life. The way he looks at everything is unrealistic and he is in so much debt from before we met.

He is looking for another job but turns everything down for the stupidest little reasons. I want to get a job but I can't because he have one car and no one to watch our daughter. His family has the impression that I am lazy and never do anything.

His sister and I feel like he is intentionally turning his family against me and trying to turn me against my own family. I don't know how much longer I can take this.

Answer 1

The most important thing is your daughter. He can't take her from you unless you let him or make a really dumb legal mistake. Your best bet is see an attorney and learn what your rights are. For example, if you leave and don't take your daughter with you he can claim he has temporary custody and ask a judge to order that. If you have no court order from a judge and he takes your daughter for the afternoon he can refuse to give her back.

Making threats so you won't leave is very unhealthy, and threatening suicide is extreme. You both need counseling, him to learn to deal with his emotions and you to learn to deal with him. Since you have a child together you will be dealing with him for many years to come.

Answer 2

This guy is an alcoholic thru and thru and he doesn't have to get drunk every night to be one. And busting up the furniture? How long will it be before he starts busting you and your kid up? If you wait for that to happen before leaving, you're worse than him when it comes to endangering your child. And the crying and suicide threats? This guy is playing you like a fiddle. Tell me, after he sobers up, does he tell you how sorry he is, it won't happen again, blah, blah, blah? Well if he does, don't believe a bit of it. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and what you see when he's soused is what he's REALLY like on the inside and often what's inside gets out and refuses to go back into its cage some day. And it sounds like the big baby is a real momma's boy. I love the part about taking your kid, that line is so old it has mold growing on it. No court is going to give custody to an alcoholic that busts up the furniture when he's loaded. Any custody that he would get would be supervised. If you have no financial means, check into battered women's shelters so you and your daughter can be somewhere safe. This guy is a ticking time bomb and the sooner you get away, the better. One last thing, don't let him weaken your resolve by promising he'll be a good boy and don't you be stupid enough to give him a second chance. If you do and especially if you've called the cops, talked to his parents or called a divorce lawyer, you're likely to find your teeth scattered across the floor like a handful of Chiclets after he uses a piece of that busted up furniture on your face.

Answer 3

It sounds like this man needs professional help. Without that happening it doesn't sound like things will change. There are some huge problems that need to be corrected. The drinking problems and the suicide threats (however empty those threats may seem now, they are VERY serious) are HUGE red flags. Get with his family and make a plan to help him out. Regardless what they think of you, the fact that he's suicidal should be enough for everyone to be on the same page to get him help. I see no other option in this and I really don't see it as being a good envirionment for your daughter if things stay the way they are.

Answer 4

I agree with all the answers you got already.

This man sounds like a disaster just waiting to happen; and if you are even considering marrying him you're just as crazy as he is !!!

Get a job, get a babysitter, start saving money, contact your family and good friends, ask for help and start packing!
This guy is NOT a healthy man and what he does not only stresses you, but also your kid. Do you want her to grow up and think this is a normal relationship?

PLEASE think about your daughter's future if you don't want to think of your own!!! You will have to make a decision- SOON.... Before it's too late and he actually tries to hurt you or your daughter. GET HELP TODAY !!!

Answer 5

Your fiance needs some serious counseling, and the both of you would probably beneft from couple's counseling. If he's physically abusive when you fight, that's not good for you or for your daughter. He's emotionally blackmailing you by threatening suicide, and trying to pin a possible suicide on you. If he's going to do it, he'd do it whether you leave him or not. If you feel you need to leave for your sake and your daughter's, then do it. It's NOT a healthy situation for your child. Honestly, I'd be more worried about what your daughter has to witness than if he's going to commit suicide over you leaving him. Your daughter's welfare is more important, and your loyalty should be to her. Don't trap yourself in this toxic relationship by marrying him. I would get out now.

Answer 6

First of all why did you have a child with this immature, lazy,idiot.He is not someone who should be raising a child.I don't know where you live but in most states in the U.S.it would be impossible for a parent with his background to take your daughter away from you.I suggest that you leave this guy as soon as you can .If he throws furniture around he may get mad and start throwing you around.Good luck.

Answer 7

leave him..and if he starts calling you and threatening you the tell the police or someone. Like when I saw threatening I mean like saying really bad things that he might do to you. I have a cousin that had a same problem with her baby's daddy. He used to call her and staff..and he used to call my grandma and telling her he was going to kill her or whatever. He never did any of these things..but he did cause a lot of problems. Two years ago he died..so yea. Definitely move far away from this guy and don't let him get near you...and call the police. Its basically probably just alcohol talking and not him. move an with your life before one day he hurts you badly..

Answer 8

Wow he has a lot of problems. He cannot take your daughter...he has no means of supporting her and likely that was just another empty threat. His parents are wrong for letting him run over there every day....they are treating him like a baby so he is continuing to act like one. He needs to get some therapy for his problems. If he is not willing to do that then you really should leave with your daughter and not continue to live like that.

Answer 9

He has some deep seeded issues that have nothing to do with you , although you are the one picking up the tab. This sounds pretty extreme and distressful for you. Seems like one of two things need to happen. He needs to get psychiatric help with your support or you need to protect you and your daughter and leave. The courts are not designed to take your kid away, that is a hollow threat (like most of his threats). Don't keep telling yourself that it is OK some of the time and maybe he will get better or you will just adjust, no one cures themselves of these types of issues.
Best of luck!!!

Answer 10

I would not stay with him one more hour!! He will not take your child away from you. That's just a ploy to keep you from leaving. If your feet aren't nailed to the floor, take your child and run, run, run! This relationship is a disaster waiting to explode! He is a sick, sick man. You are in an abusive relationship with a mentally ill man. Save yourself and your child..