we have been together for 3 years lived together for 2. I made it clear from the start that i want to get married... since we have been together i have lost 15kg but still need to lose more.
he says that he loves me and treats me well... i love his company and him we get an very well together and have a happy home.
on the times when i have bought up marriage he says that he loves me enjoys me and wants to be with me but does not feel comfortable being with me at this weight (he has never been with a big girl before).
he has been married before and has 3 children, next year two of his children are coming to live with us they are teenagers. and i feel that, i am not to fat to act like a mother to his children or a wife to him but am to fat to marry.
I am worried that i will end up hating him.
also he is 50 and i am 29 ... the age gap has never been an issue with me.
Thanks for listening
2007-11-22 21:11:44 · 46 answers · asked by miawa88 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dump his old wrinkly azz. Tell him you Will lose weight when he gets better looking.
Wise up lady he won't change no matter what you do.
2007-11-22 21:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Your weight is not the issue here, something else is, and he's using your weight as an excuse. Being 50 years old, having had children, and the children being nearly grown, he simply is not interested in getting married again. The age gap is an issue from my point of view, because both of you are at different stages of life, wanting different things. He's not being honest with you, because he knows you want marriage, and he doesn't want to lose you. There's an old saying: you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. Think about it. You're 29 with quite a bit of your life left to live, he's 50 and heading soon into retirement. He's been there and done that, and you haven't. You have more options for male companionship, he has less for female companionship. You're trying to get something from the relationship that's not there. He loves you, but he doesn't want to make the huge commitment that marriage is. You found him at the wrong time in his life. Find someone who wants the same things you do, or stay with him and be frustrated forevermore.
2007-11-22 21:44:41 · answer #2 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it just makes me wonder why in the first place you made him tell you **** like that. If he isn't satisfied with you right now what would happen in two or three years time?
it is just the reason for why his previous marriage didn't work.
Get a grip of yourself girl if he really loves you than it should be just the way you are.
you are unique and special individual who deserves a much better treatment.
he is just literally ruining you mentally and emotionally
and have you ever thought of this...........
"i can't marry you have a huge nose " he says after you've lost the weight and when you are thinking "yes now he will marry me!"
he comes to point a fault at something else?
if you love someone you don't hurt them - and he doesn't seem to be exactly to be following that.
GOOD LUCK and please think before you do marry him!
2007-11-22 21:57:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get out of this relationship if I could. There is no such thing as being too fat to get married. I think he is probably just using you and then lieing to you about being "too fat to get married" in an effort to make it all seem like it is your fault that he doesn't propose. If you have lived together for two years and he isn't going to propose, then it's time to move on if you can. You are still young. You can leave him, THEN lose weight and then rub his face in it when he sees the slimmer you.
If you have intimate relations with him now, well I guess you are not too fat for that, right? And yes, I think he is attracted to your youth.
Depending on where you live, there are lots of reasons why men don't want to get married. In America, I frequently believe that marriage is not some poetic union of souls on another plane. I see it more as a cleverly disguised asset redistribution strategy designed to benefit women and divorce attorneys. And there are many guys who will read this and agree with me!
I think your man knows he can't say he is just plain against marriage because to do so would be to admit he has been using you from the start if you made it clear to him, you were in this relationship for marriage. I will tell you that I lived with my wife for about 1 year before she put the pressure on me and yes, I relented and proposed. I regret my decision now but I saw it as fair for her to demand this as a condition to our continuing to live together. I didn't want to let her go so I gave in and proposed. And she was 3 years younger than you at the time.
You have a better chance getting married now at your age than you will later. So do yourself a favor and move on if you can. I would be horribly mad at him for telling me I was "too fat" to get married. That sounds like a crock of you-know-what because there are some absolutely HUGE people who get married and weight has nothing to do with it.
2007-11-22 21:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by John S. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He's feeling smug and comfortable in telling you this because he's confident that you're not going anywhere.
If you love him and he makes you happy in all other matters why do you want to mess up a perfectly good relationship by wanting to get married so bad.
That piece of paper dosen't mean anything compared to the everyday love and devotion you are getting from him.
He must love you if he's so good to you. He's been through a bad marriage and is still feeling the affects apparently.
If you want to lose weight do it for yourself not him.
He's with you so that means it dosen't matter to him too much.
If you're married in your heart forget that piece of paper don't rock the boat he's already showing commitment.
2007-11-23 01:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by Dinabill 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he can't love you wholly and unconditionally as you are, then you shouldn't be with him. You don't tell him he's too old to marry (and remember he's almost double your age) so he has no right to make you feel pressured to lose weight to make him happy. He clearly wants to make you into something you can't be and have a stick-thin, supermodel type "trophy wife" to show off to his golf buddies about. If he isn't comfortable being with you at the weight you are if you get married, what's to say he's alright with it if you stay as you are? I think this guy has more issues than it's fair to expect you to deal with. He's had one failed marriage already. Perhaps making you feel like this and by saying "when you lose more weight" is his way of telling you he isn't ready to commit like that again. Sorry it's a mish mash, I have lots of thoughts and can't organise them!
2007-11-22 21:58:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say leave him, but that decision is up to you. I feel like he is just stalling & stringing you along.Even if you loose the all the weight you can healthy. He will probably come up with another reason why he doesn't want to marry you. You are too young to waste you life on some one who
on one hand claims to love you, enjoys being with you. But won't marry because of something as stupid as you weight. You deserve a man that loves, wants to marry you because of who you are, not what you weigh.
2007-11-22 21:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by Poe B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If the age gaep isnt an issue, how about the SPECIES gap? Where does this goon get off telling you that youre fat? Dump him and let him deal with his own issues. There are way too many men in this world with enough maturity to A- appreacite a lovely bbw such as yourself, and B- love you through any physical change. Upgrade!~!
2007-11-22 21:19:49 · answer #8 · answered by kttphoenix 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy, this hits a nerve with me. Does he think you're too fat to have sex with? I doubt that. You don't have to worry about ending up hating him because you WILL end up hating him. And at 50 years old, he's set in his ways. Even if you lose enough weight to satisfy him, there is going to be something else for him to ***** about. Believe me, I've been through this. My advice would be to get your own place and tell him to give you a call when he's 20 years younger.
2007-11-22 21:21:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I bet if you lost the weight and became slim this dude would find another excuse not to marry you...is he perfect?....I doubt he is at 50- years old..if he loves you , he should except you the way you are...were you overweight when you met? I think he 's wanting someone to look after his kids and you are there! Sorry, I would seriously think about your life with this guy..and make a decision or you will be always be doubtful and unhappy..good luck!
2007-11-22 21:29:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, the only person you should lose weight for is yourself. If a man won't marry you because of your weight, he needs to be gone. GONE. It starts out with your weight, then what's next? He doesn't like the way you dress, or the way you wear your make up, or your hair style? A man who is so superficial about the way you look is no man for you.. I don't care if you're 105 pounds of 500.. you deserve someone who loves you FOR you.
2007-11-22 21:19:43 · answer #11 · answered by Ashley 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋