Is this rape?

Question

I'm 15 and I had been going out with this boy for 3 months. He's 17.

We'd done everything except have sex and I told him I wasn't really comfortable with it, but I agreed because my friend and her boyfriend had gone all the way.

My friend had told me how good having sex was so I thought I'd talk to my boyfriend about it. He agreed and we decided to do it in the weekend.

My Mom went out and we were home alone. We started kissing and stuff. Then he started to undress me and I didn't feel comfortable so I told him to stop, he said it was fine and everything would be ok.

He kept going and I told him I wasn't ok with it anymore and that I wanted him to stop. But he didn't. I was lying there crying and yelling but he wouldn't stop.

When he'd finished he got up and left. That was a week ago. I told my friend but she said that I said ok to it so I wasn't raped. I havn't told anyone else and I told him never to come near me ever again. I feel so stupid and I shouldn't have said it ok to it

But isn't it my word against his?
He used a condom so there wont be any of his sperm in me. I've taken a pregnancy test and it was negative.
This happened 3 and a half weeks ago.

Answer 1

Yes this is rape. A similar thing happened to me. Please talk to your parents and the police. I'm sorry you went through this too.

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Answer 2

This is definatly rape...infact its would be statutory rape even if you had consented. You really need to tell your parents and if you feel afraid to do this tell someone in the family that is a little calmer ( aunt or granmother) that can sit down with them and break the news to them. Your parents can open the charge of statutory rape whilst you can open a rape charge. If you were a virgin before the incident a doctor will be able to tell you have been violated and this is evidence enough. Many girls are ashamed to tell anyone and keep it a secret for a long time but eventually it comes out. Sadly though by then the psycological damage is irrepearable. You need to break the mould of silence and expose it you could save many other girls from the same fate with this man. Rape is a very serious charge in most countries and most rapists deny it but are still sentenced for the crime. Dont loose hope and dont feel ashamed millions of woman across the world have shared the same fate. You are not to blame you did right to say no and he forced you and being a young girl you did not have the strength to fight him off . Child line can also help you so give them a call too.

Answer 3

Tilly, when you said "No", that was the end of the line. What occurred between you and your boyfriend is considered rape. Not sure where you are located, but this may be a rape in more than one case. The fact that you are 15 and that he is 17 would open up a whole new can of worms with me. It's considered statutory rape here in AL.
I think you were very curious and wanted some answers for yourself. I'll tell you from my own experience, I lost my virginity when I was 15...also to a 17 year old. I wish I would have waited. Your friend may be having sex right now, but you must understand that at age 15, you are a young lady, not a woman yet. I wasn't ready to be having sex at that age and from your reaction to your first attempt, neither are you. Honey, you should never feel pressured to have sex, especially by your friends. You tell that girl to have some dignity and some self respect. You have the rest of your life to have sex, don't waste your youth by trying to do adult things now.
I highly recommend you talk to the police. Don't wash the blanket or anything that came in contact with you two during the incident. It will be your word against his, most likely, but it really depends on the laws in your state. Please talk to your parents and the police. You may be frightened right now, but your parents will be your best allies and your friends. They want your trust and they want you to talk to them. Parents warn their kids against many things because we have been there before!! Don't be scared, step up and do what you need to do!

Answer 4

Your friend is right and I too don't think it will be termed as rape. He is 17 and still minor as you are, so this can't be statutory rape either.

Now, let's analyse it:

As per your own statement, you had discussed sex with him and 'He agreed and we had decided to do it in the weekend' You had invited him to your place. It was mutually agreed and was a sort of contract.

Upto the point when he reached your place and started kissing/cuddling/doing stuff etc. if you had told him about the change of your mind then he could be accused of rape.

It was during the process (while undressing you) that you said 'no' and the point of saying 'no' could be any time between the start of kissing/cuddling/doinf stuff till he had ejaculated and disengaged from you . What if he had entered you fully and just before ejaculation you would have said 'no'. Would it still be called rape?

Also, what if you had enjoyed full sex with him and then feeling guilty or scared of consequences, or for any other motive, you termed it a rape. Will it be considered it so?

There have been numerous instances, before courts, of women initially consenting for sex and thereafter accusing the man of rape for ulterior motives. Courts look into every aspect and do not consider such instances as rape just because a woman said 'No' at some stage in the process after taking the man too far in the act.

Your case comes under this catagory.

Yes, the case would be different if the boy was a major and in that case consent by a minor (girl or boy) would have no effect. Since he is also a minor, the case won't stand against him. Rather, he can himself accuse you of the rape.

While I do have sympathy for you, I must say you were reckless in your approach and now want to blame the boy for an act to which you too were equally responsible.

My advice is to forget this incidence as a bad experience and be careful in the future. As he used the condom and you are not pregnant, you are not in any trouble anyway.

Answer 5

Yes, Sweetie, what this boy did to you is RAPE, and he can be charged with the crime of statuatory rape. You need to go to the police immediately, and tell them what happened- and call a local rape crisis center so they can help you. This type of rape is called date or acquaintance rape, and it happens a lot to young girls your age. That's why you have no business being in situations where you are alone with guys, especially guys who are older than you are, for any length of time. Your boyfriend is over the age of consent in most states, but YOU are NOT. The minimum age for that is 16 in almost every state in the country. That's why the law and the courts will view what your boyfriend did to you as rape- that's exactly what it is.

Your friend is WRONG to tell you what she did- EVERYONE ALWAYS HAS THE RIGHT TO SAY NO, including saying NO to sex, even during sexual foreplay, which is what you were engaged in when you started to become uncomfortable and tried to fight your bf off. By not respecting your wishes, your boyfriend not only hurt you emotionally and physically ( you need to go to the doctor to make sure you haven't suffered any internal damage, but I will talk about that more in a minute) but he also committed a VERY GROWN UP CRIME. Women have the legal right to say no to sex, even during foreplay, in most if not all states, though the actual wording of the laws can vary somewhat from state to state. These laws also have a clause in them which recognizes that if a woman changes her mind about sex and says no, and the man forces her to continue, he is guilty of rape.

In your case, it's clear that the reason you became uncomfortable and resisted was because you weren't ready for sex, either emotionally or otherwise. Please stop blaming yourself for what happened- and your girlfriend is wrong to blame you or criticize you for this.You aren't stupid, sweetie. You just made a mistake, and your bf ( who really isn't your bf, and probably never should have been in the first place) took advantage of you and committed a crime in the process. THAT is NOT your FAULT. IT'S HIS !!! What you need to focus on right now is getting yourself some help so you can heal and recover from this experience. The first thing you need to do is go to the police, but before you do this, you need to talk to your parents and get them to help you. Your boyfriend is guilty of a serious crime, and they will quickly see this. Ask your mom to go with you to the police station, if this will make you more comfortable. After that, you definitely need to make an appointment with your doctor for a medical exam- and be prepared to tell the doctor what happened and what your bf did. The doctor will look for bruising, tears or scratches in your genital tract, and other evidence that the sex you had wasn't consensual, and will give a report of his or her findings to the police. Another thing you need to do is give the clothing you were wearing that night (especially your underwear) to the police, so they can send it to the crime lab for DNA testing. Even if your bf used a condom, as you have said, chances are he didn't put it on until he was ready to go, so to speak, and the pre- ejaculate ( also called pre-*** in slang terms) which he would have produced always has at least some sperm in it, so the DNA testing will be able to pick that up. ( Men will produce a small amount of pre-ejaculate right before climax in many cases. This looks like a white or near white liquid. It's only too likely that this happened with your bf- you were likely just too upset and scared to notice at the time.) Also, if by chance your bf spilled the contents of the condom anywhere, then that might very well be on your clothing or undergarments from that night.
All of these things are necessary if you want the prosecutor to be able to build a legal case against your former bf for what he did to you. He needs to be punished, sweetie, and taught a hard lesson, mostly that NO means just that- N O, and nothing else. It doesn't mean maybe, it doesn't mean do it if you feel like it, it means NO!!! There is another side to this as well, which you may not have even thought about yet. Now that your bf has done this once and gotten away with it, how long do you think it will be before he tries this again with some other girl or woman? There has been more than one man who started his career as a serial rapist this way. That's why I am urging you to do the right thing and report what happened to the police- so your bf can be stopped from ever attempting to do this again with anyone else. How would you feel if it was your sister or one of your other girlfriends who was his next victim? Think about it, sweetie. The guy is a criminal, a sex offender, and he needs to see the inside of a prison cell for a while. You don't need a boyfriend like that- there are plenty of other men out there who don't act like that.

Good luck to you, and I hope you get the help you need.

Answer 6

That was most definately rape it doesnt matter if you said yes in the first place, you are entitled to change your mind at any time. I am from London and here it is illegal to have sex with a minor. You really need to speak to someone other wise this issue could give you emotional problems in the future. It is up to you what you decide to do he shouldnt be allowed to get away with that who the hell does he think he is. Unfortunately there is a really low conviction rate for rape, in England anyways but this is even more serious as you are under age. Do not feel stupid this was not your fault at all. Havnt you got any brothers or uncles that could give him a good kicking i suggest they tie the bastard to a chair and threaten to cut his dick off see how he feels having no control over what is happening to him. Sorry im getting really angry now. If you do go to the police be prepared for some ignorant individuals to say it was your fault for leading him on etc [which it was not]. Stay strong and deal with this now so it doesnt mess you up in the future. Not all men are like that. Good luck in the future babe and stay strong i wish i could give you a cuddle and tell you its all gonna be alrite which it will given time. Bye

Answer 7

It is most definitely rape. It doesn't matter how far you go, if you say stop, he has to stop. It doesn't matter if you're actually in the middle of having sex, and you tell him to stop, he has to.

You need to talk to a guidance counselor or an adult that you trust, so that you can decide what to do from here. Even if you decide not to press charges against him, you may need some counseling. If you don't, you could have major emotional problems down the road. I'm sorry this happened to you, honey. He had no right to continue once you told him to stop. Unfortunately, this happens to alot of girls. It's called date-rape, and he could be charged if you chose to charge him. Good luck.

Answer 8

When ever u say no, No means no so yes it was rape u should tell ur mom and go to a gyno and get ur self cked out to be on the safe side no telling what he might of had and gave u. Sorry u went threw this and sorry ur friend told that but that is crap u need to find a new friend too. Go see a doctor please and get tested and go to the police because he had no right doing that to you and u dont want him doing it again!

Answer 9

If you said no, if you changed your mind and made it clear (and it sounds like you did) it was rape.

You told him you wanted him to stop, he didn't. It was rape.

Tell your parents the truth and call the police and report the incident. Yes, it's your word against his, but he may victimize other girls. He needs to know that what he did was wrong, and that there are concequences.

Please, also see if you can get some councilling, this is a very traumatic experience.

Answer 10

First off that is rape 1000%!!!! If you were saying STOP and Crying then the "it's ok" goes right out the window...

Break up with that guy right away, tell your parents or someone of authority, because even if you never speak to him again he could likely do the same thing to other girls!

Answer 11

yes, it was rape.
but weeks have passed and you have showered away any evidence.
yes, it would be your word against his, and it would be a long and painful road to accuse him.
but if you don't, he will do it to someone else.
i am so sorry for you.
hon, there is a reason why kids under 18 need a parent, and need to listen to that parent, we know how things can happen. your boyfriend should never have been there when your Mom was gone.
tell her, she will help you.
again, so very sorry for what you went through.