The elderly in care?

Question

In the UK many people who are elderly and possibly to old or ill to look after themselves go in many cases to care homes or nursing homes. Yet here in Spain it is the duty of the family to look after and care for their elderly loved ones. If the UK adopted the Spanish system would it just be looked on as government cuts, or should families bear that responsibility.

Answer 1

Right now it's hard to know the answer. I was raised to wait till I was older to have children....so I did....right at the same time I'm trying to raise kids, they need us. (mother-n-law) Kids screaming drives grandmas blood pressure up......she thinks the kids need a good belt whipping and isn't afraid to do it while I've got the kids telling me they're gonna call 911 because I told them no about something or the school calling because the kids told them grandma said she was going to kill herself if they didn't shut up.. Not to mention being expected to work full time and a husband who preferes to stay gone as much as possible because he can't deal with his mom, the kids and all the pressure either. All this in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath, small house. I couldn't leave the kids alone with her...she couldn't be left alone....we simply couldn't afford to pay for all the care or survive if I wasn't working either. She wanted us gone so she could stay just with her son and sadly that's exactly what happened.

I mean maybe it is a fault of our society or people getting together in marraige and having families when many can't handle a 1 day holiday in the same room as each other......but sometimes it is better there is another option because there are times in which it isn't good for either.

My parents at different times took care of their parents.....but we were older as children and understood better than little kids. My grandparents respected the family and didn't interefere with my parents rules or try and come between them. Their problem came with medical conditions in which they simply didn't have the means or the knowledge to care for them and things weren't available for home use as they are now and there wasn't information available to learn about it. Yet you could be sued by other family members who are eager to tell you what you "should" do but aren't willing to help with it.

People are living thousands of miles away from each other in order to work or whatever. Lets see.....tell grandma she's moving across the country and she doesn't want to....or give up your jobs, sell your home, tear your kids from their school to go live in grandmas 2 room bungalo in a jobless area? Kind of a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. We have gotten so PC and so determined that no-one be offended yet everyone telling you what you should do and 100's getting a piece of you no matter what you do......it's not that easy anymore......even when you want to do right and be responsible.

We used to in many cases have farms and homes that were passed down generation to generation. You married your highschool sweetheart and had kids and stayed in the area and it when the time came you cared for them, inherited the home and on again it went. Moms were able to stay home and handle that while Dad worked and made enough to live on. What went on in your home stayed in your home.

Now you're sent off to find work or an education to get a decent job where you meet someone from another part of the country or world....get the careers going, have children later, both still have to work, the government is peering through your windows at every level with unrealistic expectations and everything is a mess. Kids have seen grandma twice in their life.....husband or wife has met the in-laws at the wedding and a handful of times between and it doesn't make it easy to drop your life to care for them while you're trying to survive and keep things going. This society doesn't make it easy to do that. Anyone that has lost a parent knows it takes more than 3 days to handle a funeral and such......yet like me....I ended up loosing a job because real life events couldn't be wrapped up in company policy time. Business doesn't care if mom's not dying on schedual......they have a business to run and there's plenty others out there who need a job where they don't have this concern. Not many can afford to look for a job when their 55 in order to be with Dad. It's a sad situation and not one with an easy answer. Obviously this way doesn't work. It destroys the family in all aspects. From being able to raise your children to caring for elderly to simply keeping a marraige together. Got a long way to go..........

Answer 2

I agree with Mr ED after me seeing it first hand as a paramedic.I have taken elderly relatives home to their families after a hospital stay, only on arrival at their home to see the relatives sneaking out of the back door so they appear not to be home and the patient had to be taken back to hospital,Sorry to say but in the UK it seems to be an increasing problem.
As for myself I would not care to be in one of these care homes as I have seen to much abuse in these places.
Of course if the gov gave the relatives the same amount of money to help in care of the elderly that they pay the nursing homes that may go some way to solving this problem.
In closing on the positive side there are a lot of homes that have dedicated well trained staff and are well run.PAX.

Answer 3

I didn't know that fact about Spain. I think that is wonderful and other countries do that as part of their life. Being put in a care home or nursing home, is like passing the buck.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, gets old. So treat the elderly like you will want to be treated when you are elderly.

Answer 4

We, in Australia, have a similar system to the UK, many people go to care homes. There is a lot of 'retirement villages' being put up here with resort type facilities. The elders buy a smaller home in the development and get activities etc.They are not cheap.
If you look after your elders at home there are some government subsidies. If the elder needs constant care you can even get a pension to support yourself doing this if you are not rich.
Parents often get from their children what they put in. If the parents were caring and giving usually the children are and don't want their parents to bve anywhere else but with them.

Answer 5

you pose a very interesting question and i will give you a star === when i was growing up in the usa i would have to say that 20% of my friends had some elder person sharing there homes -- i can still hear my best friends mother yelling at us "keep the noise down -- mother is trying to sleep -- sure enough there was this old thin lady who was always sleeping in the living room -- of course that was a time when no one's mother worked outside the home === yes if for some reason the govt cut back the funds for care centers -- which will never happen -- the folks here would revolt -- i know folks who can not wait until there parnets reach a certain age so they can stick them in the nearest care center!!!

Answer 6

For a lot of older people, trusting another young figure can be hard after facing such conditions in their lives. One of the best ways to help such people is to just Donate Online or Volunteer assistance enormously to a reputed non-governmental organization to support them continue with their charities smoothly. It could be a hot meal, a warm sweater or a clean pair of socks; or their medicines; these NGOs take care of everything. Taking the time to understand their requirements and to follow through can go a long way in helping them win back their faith in others.

Answer 7

I agree with happylad. Good parents hopefull are rewarded by good children and are tended to the best of the childs ability. Do to dementia, other health problems and working and finances seniors will be placed in homes. Some seniors would breakup good marriages, abuse the children attempting to help them. There are good and bad people of all ages.

Answer 8

Families not governments should care for their elderly; no matter which country you live in!

Answer 9

It is dictated culturally..asian culture revere the elderly..in america not so much..it is also based on the family system..the availability and willingness of members to care for their loved one

Answer 10

My mum lives in a residential care home and is very happy and well cared for. I would love to be able to have her live with me but as I am not rich and have to work I would not be able to give her the care she needs.