I needed to vent. My poem. Thoughts Please!?

Question

"You Haunt Me"


Behind those hands you touched me with, a guilty conscience lied. No matter how much you covered it up those feelings you were unable to hide.
Under those covers you broke me down, I grew Dependant on you I bet you felt proud.

You found someone with no voice of there own, someone so innocent, I was eight years old.
For years you made me think that I could trust what I was being told, you said you would never hurt me. I thought you had a heart of gold.

When I was wise enough, to see the lies you fed to me. I let everyone know the pain you had caused me.
You took all I had, and that just wasn't enough. You couldn't even admit to it, why couldn't you just fess up?

You tore me apart once more, you left no tracks behind.
Everyone was fooled by your deception, but only I was hurt by your lies.

I prayed that one day everyone would see through your trickery, the evidence against you was undeniable you see.
My day of justice never came, before you passed away did you ever feel ashamed?

I just wanted an apology, but that was to much it seems.
It wasn't enough you took my life away, now you haunt me in my dreams.

Answer 1

Yes very good. You have the knack. But still the subject of your poem is hidden from me.

Answer 2

I'm sorry to hear that you were abused at the age of 8. But now you are all grown up, and your words have become as sharp at shark teeth venting vengeance.
Maybe you might think I haven't felt what you felt, but I'd advice you to forgive him and put the shadows behind you.
Just imagine how many kids have been brutally abused, poisoned, and murdered all over the world just to shut them up.
But you are here today as a fine poet and a living witness - be also an advocate of mercy and compassion, that one day your poems would also raise people up and inspire them as well.

Have a perfect day!

Answer 3

That you have plenty of material to turn into poems is evident.

This piece ain't workin' like a poem, though. Too much stuff, not enough poetry. It reads like . . . a very inept effort to write a poem.

Stop.

I'm not the enemy.

Take a piece of your history, just a very SMALL piece of it, and write the poem that fits around that historical fragment; say, for example, something that begins with "hands that with a guilty conscience touched me."

You gotta spoon-feed us the horrors of your life, or we won't really understand them or feel them as you felt them. That, in a nutshell, is the poet's problem. Solve it.

Answer 4

Yes, You have expressed yourself well. I can understand your feelings of frustration that the friend/family member who did this to you has gone without any form of apology or justice. God bless you.

Answer 5

wow.

hope that helped you vent.