My husband and I have been married nine months, together for thirteen. We were married early because I got pregnant. Our son is now six weeks old. I realize, that being barely 19 as he is, it has to be hard to be mature and grown up. But I'm handling it fine and I'm 18..maybe girls are just more mature. Anyways, he's been texting his ex of four years non stop lately, been home late from everything, and got a text from her last night that said "goodnight my sweet xo prince" (that's the only one i read b/c it hurt). he denies anything is going on. i don't know how to deal with me or him. i am on the couch right now b/c i didn't wanna sleep in the same bed and he didn't even try to get me to come back in. he didn't even say sorry for me being hurt by finding that text today. i feel like it's my fault somehow, but it can't be. is he making me feel like it's my fault? how do i switch that around because i haven't done ANYTHING to hurt him. am i thinking right or am i overlooking something?
2007-11-22 18:47:53 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me tell you something, when you have that hunch feeling, it's usually correct. Something God gave us ladies. He may be up to no good, it may not be anything serious. Don't waste no time. Talk to him. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Tell him that texting his ex is not cool and he has to stop. You are not crazy and you do not deserve to be cheated on. Men make you feel like you are the crazy one when they are up to no good. Out of 6 of my relationships this has always been the case. You acuse them and they make it seem like it's your fault and later you find out you were right.
But I want to give you a REAL answer. You two are too young to have this serious relationship. I know everyone will tell you this, and trust me at your age I didn't want to hear this either. But at 18 and 19 this is to young to be so seriously envolved. When I was 18, I had my daughter and was in love with my daughters father. I was determined to work things out no matter what people said. He cheated on me and dogged me out. I don't want this to happen to you. Please take this time to focus on you. I hope you are going to school and trying to make sure you have a future for you and your son. Think about it, by the time your 24 (5 yrs later) do you really think you two will still be together, especially with the way he is acting. Maybe. Trust me if you two don't work out there will be a MAN who will love you (and your son) and you will not have to worry about him texting his ex.
I am not trying to hate or sound negative. I've been in your exact situation. I met my true love at age 23. It took us a few years to mature and get comfortable with eachother. I can finally say that we have true love at age 27. And he loves my daughter just like his own. Sorry didn't mean to come off so preachy. Guess I am passionate about young men cheating and young girls putting up with it.
2007-11-22 19:05:12 · answer #1 · answered by Journey 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are young and still learning. I can help you but people don't believe these secrets until they learn it on their own the hard way:
1. There is no Santa Claus
2. Life is not fair
3. All men cheat
4. Marriage sucks
Now go back to the drawing board and throw out everything you were taught and deal with reality. If you don't then enjoy the "normal" world. Is has been great so far hasn't it?!?! Time to wake up and throw out all the BS you have been taught.
2007-11-23 03:28:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its difficult to be so young and have to make a commitment like that, for that reason. He may be looking to the past b/c he isn't tied to it. He would prolly be doing the same thing to her if it were her and not you. Just calm down, while you can suspect, you can not be 100% sure that anything is really going on. Try to remind him of why you two got together in the first place. Try putting up pictures of you two before the pregnancy, stuff like that. And many things change when you have a baby. You may be acting differently towards him and not know it. You'll win more flies with honey than ya will with vinegar, so be extra sweet to him, he'll come around. Btw, I was friendly with my ex through my whole relationship with my husband. My ex is the only person who has worked on my car, and I called to make an appointment with him. He started saying all this crazy stuff, like pregnant chicks were his fetish, was I sure it wasn't his (I was faithful to my husband, and it had been over for 6 months before I got with my hubby, so it wasn't possible), just crazy weird stuff like that. I talked to him one more time, and he did it again, I had to change my # and delete my myspace account. So his ex maybe pushing herself onto him, because she realizes she missed her chance...
2007-11-22 19:32:11 · answer #3 · answered by answermesweetly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Read the Divorce Busters book immediately - it tells you how to deal with the cheater, cheating, and the other woman.
After Divorce Busters, read Fascinating Womanhood on how to please your husband.
You have a new baby who needs a home and both parents.
As hard as it is, you have a competitor, and you need to make your house the place he wants to be. You must be prettier, sweeter, smell better, be cleaner, etc. than the other woman. Try not to argue with him, (but this does not mean you agree to cheating at all ever!) You're the wife - you have the advantage of knowing his favorite foods, etc.
It's not your fault at all - he is a grown up and making these choices all by himself.
Consider this:
If she texts him again or emails or calls, ask him to pick up the phone and break it off with her in front of you (so you know it's done and don't have to worry anymore) and he is to tell her not to text, call, email, IM, etc. EVER again. If he will not agree, then think about applying social pressure - telling his parents (especially his Mom), family, friends, minister, church, etc. - applying social pressure as they will tell him to clean up his act and stay with you.
Joy to you.
2007-11-22 19:02:32 · answer #4 · answered by frillyfroofroo 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are overlooking a major thing...he's being an ***. You need to find out what his problem is, his lack of maturity is one, the possibility of him cheating is two and the fact that he's still texting his ex is a major three.
Tell him to cut it out, if he can act like a man in the sack then he can sure as hell act like a man out of it.
2007-11-22 18:53:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Women grow up a lot faster then men. He was way to young to get married and wants to live a care free life however he is wasting your time by being unfaithful and uncaring. You need to set for a plan to either get marriage counceling or get the heck out. If you do not set bounderies and go by them he will just run over you like a dirty door mat.
2007-11-22 18:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
don't jump to coclusions maybe he isn't doing anything wrong and jumping to conclusions could push him farther away. he probably just don't know how to talk to you youre relationship is still young and accusing him can not be good. sit down with him and talk but listen because you are more mature than he is and if this can be resolved he will be there for you and he will talk less to her. she probably listens and knows more of what to tell him than you because she knows him better than you take time to get to know him not every man is a dog some are really just scared to let anyone know them well enough to keep thing going
2007-11-23 01:20:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wait untill he is sleeping steal the phone! Take it to the phone store tommorrow get them to print a record you may have to pay but do it! Leave early in the morning before he gets up set alarm wait in town till store opens or just go get a record from the phone number without taking phone since you are married Godluck. If you get a record with her number all over it keep it as evidence as you need to go file for divorce. And if your just sure he is cheating after getting his phone tonight keep it for evidence but if your really mad call her and tell her your going to flush it down the toilet along with him and tell her she can have him!! He'll have alot to deal with in the morning.
2007-11-22 19:00:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He obviously doesn't love you and has no intention of accepting responsibility. Is that the kind of father figure you want for your son to see---a liar, snake, and immature creep who can't accept responsibility? You're better off divorcing him now rather than remain in this type of situation.
2007-11-23 04:04:52 · answer #9 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i can only sympathize with you. have been in the same situation early this year. i immediately asked him to pack his stuff and leave the house. it's so difficult to continue with a relationship if the trust is no longer there. have some self respect!!!!!
2007-11-22 22:18:57 · answer #10 · answered by confused lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋