Why do some guys make such a issue of who pays?

Question

What is the Big Deal about who pays for a date??

btw I like taking turns taking each other out. :)

Answer 1

When I was a young man and I asked a women out,
the male always paid, this started to change during the early feminist movement, That some women would get insulted if you paid the bill and has evolved from there to where the men expect the women should pay their share.
Many men see that as their equality with the feminist and insist on it. I am used to paying and I still do if the women dose not object.

Answer 2

One is only seen as "making an issue" if what one asks is contrary to what is expected. It's easy not to make an issue when sitting quiet means that the status quo is for someone else to pay.

From paying for dates to giving expensive gifts throughout the relationship, men are encouraged to foot the bill. (I am not saying that all men actually do this or that no women are generous: I'm just referring to the direction of the pressure.)

I've always paid simply because it was expected and I have never known a woman to object.

But I can certainly understand when men object, especially when their partner may make as much or more than he... or at least be quite capable of paying for her own meal.

Often (not always), a man is expected to pay for everything and then, IF there is sex, he's expected to PERFORM there - often doing more of the work - and then after all that, he OWES her and if he decides he doesn't want a committed relationship, she feels "used".

Is it fair? No, but much in life is not fair. I certainly do understand the resentment though.

Answer 3

For tradition's sake, because men are expected to pay for their women. Then, in a way to be more desiderable, like in saying "I'm rich enough to care for you and to give everything you want". Then, some men feel like they were the ones who wanted the date, ignoring for a little while that a date is an activity that needs two people involved. They asked the girl out, they proposed a nice place, they attempted to be cuter than usual... so they reasons that letting a woman pay would be like giving her a gift, and asking her to pay. The date is perceived of a gift, and no sane man would ask money for a gift. But so, we don't understand how girls may feel about
Personally, I always feel compelled to pay, at least at first date, because later some mild discussion about who has to pay arises always...

Answer 4

It is odd when that happens...I hear men complaining all the time about being taken for a ride by women who never pay for anything. But I've been told twice that I was "emasculating" a man by paying for dinner.

I wonder if we're able to start lining up cultural expectations with the new economy (now that women have their own money, it's good manners to take turns)? Although I doubt we could get everyone to agree to that, it couldn't create any more conflict than the current standard does.

Answer 5

Because money is power. There is no such a thing as free lunch. We all work for our money. Paying for a dinner or two may not be a big deal, but to make a rule that men should pay on a date by default is sending a clear message that we're seeing it as their obligation to pay. Fine. But what is he paying for? Your company? Your time? Potential for sex? Nothing is free, so there must be an incentive or payoff for him taking on the responsibility to pay every time. This is why, to make the grounds even in the beginning, I think men and women should pay every other time or split it up...that way nobody will feel used or feel that they owe the other person anything.

Answer 6

It depends on who's IDEA it was, firstly.

Secondly, if its a date... I think a man should pay (especially, this is advice I'd give to ANY woman.. and not because of any "expectancy/payoff due, because he paid" issues...)

Simply -- if a man does not SACRIFICE anything for you (from picking you up, dropping you off and paying throughout)... then he's not really going out on a limb. Men know what dates cost, and they should be prepared to spend MORE than just time with you... and anything that happens/doesn't happen shouldn't even come into question. In fact, it probably shouldn't even EVER happen for just dating scenarios... until you decide there's something worthwhile about longer term .. etc.

Answer 7

I suppose it's still expected for men to pay for dates.. Or maybe some of them are trying to protect their "machoness". I really have no idea.

All I know is that if I go on a date with a guy who won't let me go dutch.. Then there likely will not be a second date.

Answer 8

Personally I just do it for tradition's sake, but if she really minds, then she can just pay on the next date, and alternate, etc. Never really been a problem.

Answer 9

the issue is not who pays, it is the expectation of who pays.

Answer 10

1. They have been socialised a certain way (gender role expectations).

2. Perhaps it's even a hardwired type of behavior - showing off their resources to a potential mate. Check out what the 'bower bird' does to show off his creativity and resources to potential mates. Incredible - and the hens really do check 'em out and choose from the selection available. Like shopping!