Why do MEN get so DEFENSIVE when women try to HELP them improve their BEHAVIOR?

Answer 1

I would have liked to see how some of the men that answered this question would have answered when Mike asked the same question directed at women. The ones who call it nagging. When men do it, I'm sure it would have been "different".

Answer 2

Well, men are defensive about everything in the first place. In general, no one (men or women) likes to be criticized or scrutinized, and usually the more defensive people get, means they're putting up a psychological barrier from hearing it, because they know it's true about them and don't want to acknowledge it. No one likes to have "b.s." called on them.

And when the person you're trying to point out character flaws to happens to be male, the whole male ego kicks in. Proud, macho, and incredibly pig-headed, no man wants to hear anything that makes him out to be anything less than Superman, because the incredibly narrow, tunnel-vision-esque mind of a man make's him think he's the ruler of the universe. Every man has a God complex, and is 100% confident that the world revolves entirely around him.

Listen to a man complain about another guy's personality defects. Don't you pretty much hear a lot of things that he could just as easily be saying to describe himself? Having more money, a bigger house, a hotter wife, a better golf score... These aren't the things men hate about other men. The things men hate about other men are the things they don't like about themselves. (Men really don't like it when someone else has a bigger "centerpiece" than them though)

Answer 3

i presumed the checklist grew to become into especially life like, relaxing, and non-offensive. Its somewhat stressful that some human beings pass by lifestyles with a radar on severe alert for offensive/sexist feedback, and could sit down and form nasty hateful little knee-jerk responses - like the single i'm typing now - at each and every probability. it may be severe high quality in the event that they might merely take the words in the spirit they have been meant i.e. the thank you to make money for the author and carry his occupation profile so as that he's greater effectual and alluring to females. form of backfired, yet can't somebody write to this destructive chump and furnish him a returned rub a minimum of? That checklist in all probability took him a while to get suitable.

Answer 4

I have noticed that my friend who is a man..acts like he's being told off when I am advising him. I think it's an ego thing. Some men are bullheaded and stubborn but will get defensive if they are told. Some really need to improve in several areas and don't agree if anything is said to them. You can't live with them, you can't live without them and you can't shoot them.

Answer 5

I think a lot of men are brow beaten into actually trying to 'change' their behavior when a woman (depends if it's Mom or girlfriend or wife) tries to 'help' them. I believe a lot of them don't get defensive, but rather they acquiesce to keep the peace.

Answer 6

Improve their behavior? YOU feel that their behavior needs improving! Why should they want to change because you want them to.

Either take them the way they are or move on to someone else, who would be perfect for you without "changing".

Nobody can, or should even try, to change another person,

One can only change oneself.

Answer 7

We are very stubborn. I can't really explain why. But it can also be in your method of helping him to improve himself. Is it a gentle helpful approach or a forceful "you need to..." etc. etc. Men don't like to be forced into things or made to do things. Which goes back to being stubborn and having an ego.


I'm sorry. I'm rambling. I'll stop now. HAHA.

Answer 8

I think you might be able to answer that question yourself, Object.

Suppose that you were a man, and that a woman were to say to you "Object, beloved, it troubles me that your questions and answers drip with the smugness and arrogance born of adherence to what you see as feminist orthodoxy. I'd like to see you change to a softer style, more permissive and forgiving, one that might allow the more benighted males to see for themselves how their behavior should change. I'd like to see you drop a hint and then stand back."

Wouldn't that get your back up, at least a little? Would you modify your behavior?

Answer 9

I know it's a joking question, but it's also a divisive one. Every guy who's involved in a successful marriage has had this talk with his wife about respecting differences. Compromise, as always, is all about how carefully one couches terms and introduces change.

Answer 10

I can understand that as I become very defensive and eventually very irate if someone tries to change me for the better. People just like to be accepted as they are.