He's hurt because of the harsh words i use when we argue does he really want to let go?.5yr relationship?

Question

No major incidents just small arguements here and there

Answer 1

Dear Lily,

All of us have the ability to really hurt our partners when angry by using words that would never pass our lips in the ordinary course of daily living. Cruel words can hurt a heart as much as a sharp knife can hurt a body.

Think about all the things that have been said to you in your life about yourself. I would be willing to bet that the things you remember most easily and quickly are the mean, unkind things that others have said to you. They can still hurt years later. You can't forget them and they cannot be taken back. Down deep inside where we all live, we wonder if the person who said those words really does think that way. Your boyfriend is wondering these things and he has good reason.

IF you want to repair your relationship, you must learn to control what you say to him. You must remember his feelings and if it would hurt you, you must not say it to him. There is a famous quote from an old movie: "Love means never having to say you're sorry." The reason you should never have to say you're sorry when you love someone is that you are careful not to hurt them - with words or actions.

So, learn to think before you speak in anger. It's good to learn self control. You can do it. I know you care because you are already wondering and asking if you should do something. Yes, you should and yes, you can do it. :)

Answer 2

probably not but if you really care for him do you really want to use the harsh words or is that a habit that you can't break? He may not want to end the relationship but you may drive him away.
I will give you a site about life choices and perhaps you can find something there to help get past the small arguments and other ways to argue without the harsh and hurtful words that can take a toll on the relationship. Good luck to you

Answer 3

Depends on what kind of harsh words you use. If these harsh words attack him personally, eg. you're stupid or what a moron etc. that will whittle away at his ego and he might want to leave when he's had enough. Afterall, who wants to be in a relationship where one's partner belittles the other.

5 years might do it but who knows. Whether he wants to leave a 5 yr relationship depends on his tolerance level and whether he's a very patient sort of man. It may also depend on whether there's another woman on the scene. I remember reading about some survey that indicated men are more likely to leave their relationship if there's already someone else in the picture, compared with women who are more likely to leave a relationship because the relationship is bad, even if there isn't another man on the scene.

Without knowing what specifically you say it's hard to say. But I suggest if one must criticise, criticise someone's action rather than the person. Less hurtful that way and less harmful to the other person self-esteem.

Good luck.

Answer 4

It sounds like if he is still around he is a good guy and wants to work through it, but You can only push a person so much and as much as he might try or want to forget the harsh words you have used he may not be able to because you are mean constantly. If he is a good man to you he will find a girl to appreciate him and dump you. Another woman is going to tell him all the things that are going to make him feel good.

Answer 5

Words can really harm a marriage. You need to see why you are saying those harsh words to him. It could stem from something that happened to you in the past and you are using them for your defense. It is hard when someone hurts you and you want to hurt them back but you need to think that you are an adult and you can control yourself. Talk to him and tell him how much you love him and try to change your behavior. If you cannot do that then get some counseling.

Answer 6

If he's fed up, yes he should leave. If someone was using harsh words to me, I'd leave. Things will only get worse and this is the biggest flag of disrespect.

Why do you use harsh words?

Answer 7

If he is tired of being talked to harshly .. then he may not want to hear it any more.

I have heard that verbal abuse .. is worse than physical abuse.

Also - there are little "tapes" that play over & over in our head - of words said to us by others. He may replay those tapes a lot .. and not like them.

If the verbal abuse is not bad .. and not often .. then he may just be using that as an excuse to get out of the relationship.

Only he knows, for sure.

Answer 8

I doubt that he wants to let go of the 5 yr. relationship, he is just hurt over the words, tell him you are sorry, and try to control your mouth next time, cause words can sting like a bee, and if a person keeps getting stung by the same bee over and over, he will want to kill the relationship and move on.

Answer 9

TALK TO HIM WHEN EVERYTHING IS CALM. APOLOGIZE, ASK FORGIVENESS. HARSH WORDS REALLY HURTS, YOU KNOW, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE ONE TELLING YOU THIS IS SOMEONE YOU LOVE. PEOPLE DO HAVE CERTAIN LIMITS WHEN IT COMES TO RECIEVING HARSH WORDS. JUST APOLOGIZE, SAY SORRY. AND PRAY, IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM. CHANGE THE WAY YOU TALK EVEN WHEN YOU'RE ARGUING. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL LAST LONG IF YOU DO. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH!!

Answer 10

A man can only treat a lady like a lady as long as she acts like one, but when you talk to him like a drunken brawler in a bar, he is either going to have to back away from the argument or punch your foul mouth out as your acting like a man. Dont blame him if he does dump you and finds a lady. No one wants to live 5 years locked up with a cell mate named Bubba!