Married 8 years - 6 of them not that happy. We live more like roomates. I have a college degree, a professional, not like my mate. He has social problems.
2007-11-22 16:58:19 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
On so many occasions I have had to "put out fires" with family, friends, or acquaintances.
I am burned out.
2007-11-22 16:59:25 · update #1
If you're not happy - Leave.
Why stay in an unhappy marriage?
Would you want kids with this guy?
Life's too short. Move on.
2007-11-22 17:02:27 · answer #1 · answered by ... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have answered your own question. I would never give advice saying to leave to anyone but I will be a sounding board and say what I would do. If I was unhappy for 6 years I would have to think about whether I could live like this for the rest of my life. Do I deserve to be happy? I would hope that I do deserve to be happy. Does my spouse want me to be happy? If he is a miserable person will he turn me that way? Do I want and need a healthy sex life? Yes I love sex and if I am not getting much at home why not? Is he giving it to someone else? or do I not turn him on, does he turn me on? Not if I am not bothered by his lack of effort, but I still have needs but he is not who I need. I would come to the conclusion that I need to be happy and fulfilled and to have people in my life that wanted me to be happy and laugh and smile all the time. So would I stay with a man like that No I would not, I would do what made me happy and do it quickly before I was weighed down with apathy.
2007-11-22 17:11:22 · answer #2 · answered by Linda S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably depends more on how your husband treats you. If he treats you well, you could try counseling which might help. If he also treats you rudely as well, then I would be tempted to want to give up on the relationship as many others have advised as well. Counseling would have to work miracles in that situation, and from what you suggest he seems to have many problems, and I think it would take long-term counseling in that case which may or may not work. And you sound like you will need a break way before that (like now)! Good luck!
2007-11-22 18:51:47 · answer #3 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Google BPD.
Google Leaving OZ
Google Facing The Facts
2007-11-22 17:35:04 · answer #4 · answered by pwi2366 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so 6 yrs not happy?do you really need to ask or did he do something stupid on turkey day to piss you off and your overly thinking it?think about it if you love him but not the way he act all the time then maybe a little alone time will do him some good but if you leave and come back with no change being made then its your fault to live like that.people can and do change to accommodate the people that they love have the conversation with him tell him what you will and will not except tell him that if he cant do this for you then you cant be with him.make a trade,I'm sure your not perfect either.
2007-11-22 17:11:39 · answer #5 · answered by ldhotlipps 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, are you married to my ex-husband?? I could have written your post a few years ago.
I'm not going to tell you to leave, but you do need to talk to him and tell him how it's affecting you. Try to work out compromises that make both of you feel more comfortable in social situations with family and friends. If needed, try counseling. If that doesn't work, or he totally disregards your feelings, then you might have no other choice, but to leave him.
My ex-husband tended to make everyone around him, including me, nervous in social situations. He was picky, selfish, and rude...when he had alcohol some of his personality traits got better while others got worse. The holidays were unbearable with him. I couldn't relax or enjoy myself. He never really wanted to change things. We divorced two years ago (for more reasons than just his inability to socialize with my friends and family)...and I am finally enjoying the holidays again with my new boyfriend (who has no problem with socializing with my friends and family)!
E-mail me if I can be of further help!
Good luck!
2007-11-22 17:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by Nonny0928 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and your husband really don't have that much in common, which would have been better to find out before you married him. With that said, it would appear that your husband lacks the motivation to better himself, and cannot accept that you have. Being rude to your mother is another issue alltogether. This shows disrespect, and if it were my mother, then my husband would show respect, irregardless of whether he agrees with her or not.
I don't think you can help your husband by staying, unless you have a degree in Social Behavior and have the skills necessary to counsel him. He needs professional help, and if I were you, I would strongly urge him to seek it for the sake of your marriage.
2007-11-22 17:11:32 · answer #7 · answered by Virginia B (John 16:33) 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's important for you to know how he now interprets the marriage. If your husband don't wish to honor the once happy union, then it is time for you to move on. When you sit down and have dinner, politely ask him how he feels about the marriage and do he want to move in separate way?
If he want to continue to honor the marriage, then bring to his attention of what needs to be change,ie,,your mom and friends etc...Until you know what's going on in his mind avoid from having any extra martial affairs. I would also advise you to discuss the matter of his social ability to his parents.
This may shed some light regarding his behavior. There could be something in his pass that's need to be dealt with. Your husband maybe crying out for help. Your mental distress comes first. You should find an outlet for yourself. No matter what is going on with your husband it doesn't mean that you have to take the bulk of his problems. I am going to keep you in my prayers. God bless
2007-11-22 17:19:15 · answer #8 · answered by tony 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be easier to get out...to just walk away. I imagine the last 6 years have been pretty hard. But maybe your not giving it your all. Maybe you dont want to because your tired. Tired of trying. But hes your husband. The person youve chosen to spend your life with. If hes not meeting you half way you still have to try. Push him to be who he used to be. Talk to him about how your feeling without fighting. It will be hard to get things better. But dont walk away. Love is worth fighting for. Fight for your marriage. Work with him on his social skills. Maybe go see a counselor together. But you cant force him to be someone hes not. You have to accept him for who he is. If hes not being what you need. Talk to him. Communicate. Try and be a better wife. Focus on his needs as well. Try and find eachother again. Dont give up.
2007-11-22 17:09:19 · answer #9 · answered by amtech33 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have been unhappy for 6 years then you should of left along time ago. You are just trying to find a justifiable way out. Why dont you figure out what you need to do to make you happy.
2007-11-22 17:04:36 · answer #10 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think getting along with people is the sole reason to leave someone. You need to look at other factors of why the relationship is not working out. If he has social problems, you can try taking him to counseling.
2007-11-22 17:04:23 · answer #11 · answered by Hawai'i 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋