why are men so fake?

Question

I go out of my way to help my friend...he has 3 boys and gets them 4 days out of the week. he works very hard, going threw a divorce and has little money to support himself. I was out of a job so i helped him out from time to time, with babysittin and food and house duties.untop of things i have a four year old myself, i would do anything for anyone.i have always been that way. i sometimes feel i'm being used from him and everyone around me. he says he cares about me and worries when i get upset, but then there are times he is so distiant that it is sicking,how do i make him relize that i do it because i want to, and i care for him and his boys,

Answer 1

Maybe you have the cart before the horse.
It is a very long answer so here goes. Man and woman are different. Typical men need to provide for their woman. (you are not) Women tend to want to give to men, what they want. I can get to a woman be giving her little presents. Not so with a man. A man needs to feel that he is the warrior so to speak. A man will be the best he can be by telling him " you are a great . . . I am so proud of you... It generally deflated a man when a woman does the things for him that he knows that he should be doing.
Read the book "The care and feeding of husbands", and also "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" Both by Dr. Laura Slessinger. (spelling).
I will also say that your commitment and his also should be restoration of their marriage. Your Children deserve a whole and complete family.

Thomas

Answer 2

I don't see how is he fake (with what you've written). If he has 3 boys, going through a divorce, and little money, I would be more understanding at the times he is distant. I have one kid, full time and there are days when I'm distant too. I wouldn't take it personal

Answer 3

Well it sounds like you need some reassurance from your man. I don't think this is the same thing as him being fake, necessarily.

What concerns me about your plea is that you say "I sometimes feel i'm being used from him and everyone around me."

Maybe you could practice being in situations where you feel empowered, not victimized. Maybe you could start a step aerobics class and enjoy yourself getting fitter and stronger.

Sometimes this is a common problem where men "think" everything is a-ok, but the lady needs more attention/appreciation/reminders of his love. I don't you're alone in feeling that way.

Best of luck.

Answer 4

He's going through a divorce for a reason....

A change in someone's life like divorce is a big change for anyone - especially with children involved. He is probably going through a lot of mixed up emotions right now.

Give him time and space if you want a long term relationship with him - or you may just end up as the rebound!

Answer 5

You are not describing someone who is fake. You are describing someone who is trying to take care of his kids, and is unsure of his future. Also, he may be getting pressures from his ex that you are not aware of.
I suggest that you take a step here, and ask him out. He could be somewhat insecure about himself because of the divorce, and might need a gentle nudge to show him that he is still a likable guy.
You are doing some wonderful things with helping him out the way you are.

Answer 6

take the fake part out of it. and, it's person by person anyway... not man/woman. maybe he just has so much on his plate right now that he doesn't realize how much you've done for him and hasn't appreciated your time and effort. and maybe when he's distant, he's just sort of holing up and licking his wounds and feeling sorry for himself about his situation and doesn't want you to see him that way. and, not for nothing, it sounds as though you have alterior motives when it comes to him.... namely, you're not doing these things selflessly... rather you want him to reciprocate and you are interested in him romantically and expect him to respond that way. if that is the case, let's say he has similar feelings for you... or even if he just likes you a lot... i'm betting his pride is hurt for having to lean on you at all and that's why he disappears a bit. cut the guy some slack (and the rest of us guys too).

Answer 7

I'm having trouble understanding what the relationship between you and this man is. On the one hand you say it's your nature to help people. On the other hand you say you feel you're being used, and he says he cares about you and worries. Then you mention that he is distant.
Until you figure out if it's a personal relationship you're looking for, or you just want to help out of the kindness of your heart, you're going to feel used.
If you want more, tell him. If he can't give you what you want, stop being his maid and babysitter. You're going to have to figure out what you want before this is resolved.

Answer 8

If you feel like you are being used, then you are doing more than what you want to do. He's going through a lot right now and while you are willing to be there for him and do things for him, it seems like he's not giving you everything you need, and it just may be that he can't right now. So you need to figure out if you want to stick around if you aren't getting what you need out of this.

Answer 9

How is what you describe considered "fake"? The guy is going through a divorce, you have to expect he's going to be a bit up and down emotionally. I'm not sure what you expect from him.

Answer 10

so what makes him fake about that? just admit it... you are doing these things in favor of him because you want something back from him. you want him to draw his attention in you but he's not. Sorry but it doesn't work that way. So if you do something good to others don't expect those people to give it back to you... just don't expect anything in return and good things will come to you unexpectedly but if you're expecting a reward you will be disappointed.