My husband and I just got married. And since he is a Christian, he couldn't have sex until he was married. Now we do it three times a day but it has gotten to the point that I'm tired of it. I can't tell if he does love me or not. What should i do?
2007-11-22 14:17:39 · 19 answers · asked by Pancake 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I read all the answers you got before me and Lisaclar has the best advice...
I am in my 50's and been married 3 times...
It is a lot of work to keep a marriage fresh and good and stable...
It does mean sacrifice and duties and bills and loyalty and faithfulness, and love and shared responsibilities...
It is the whole picture and not just sex...
People who have sex before or outside of marriage want it only because it is free of responsibility...
No attachments or locks on your life...
The real true love and mutual admiration is when you share lives both good and bad, easy and hard, truth and lies, and love and hate...
No one is perfect and you get through life on each others love and devotion...
Share the ride...
Hold on loosely, but don't let go...
Mutual conversation and understanding are key to a good foundation in any relationship...
You MUST communicate...
Reach for fair compromises...
2007-11-22 14:47:35 · answer #1 · answered by aspenkdp2003 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Well, if he was a virgin all that time then you have to understand that sex is new to him and if he's in his 20's then he's extra sexual. You can't base love on sex in any way, shape or form. For a lot of men, the two are separate. If you want to know if he loves you then just think about what he does and how he acts towards you when you're not having sex. Does he tell you that he loves you often? Does he kiss you goodnite every night? Does he surprise you with flowers? Does he let you eat the last slice of pizza? I really don't think he married you just for sex. He's a kid with a new toy and that new toy is your vagina. Just sit back and enjoy the ride because eventually, 3 times a day will turn into 3 times a week. Good luck
2007-11-22 14:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by Shelly E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think some of those 'abstinence til marriage' people do especially if they're very young when they get married. They just don't know any better and are drawn into the idea of marriage because that means guilt free sex.
Now, that being said that doesn't mean your husband only married you for sex, but no doubt it was a big factor if he's been abstinent.
If you're tired of it, tell him. He clearly has a high sex drive and let him know that it's too much and you want less sex or simply turn him down. If you have sex because you think you owe it to him, you're basically acting like a whore. Respect yourself and only have sex when you want it. He can manage, he's got at least one hand right?
2007-11-22 14:30:14 · answer #3 · answered by some female 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No way. If a guy wanted to have sex he would without committing to someone for the rest of his life. And since he is a Christian, he probably didn't take those vows lightly. I was raised to wait until marriage, so yeah it does mean guilt free sex, but a guy can date or hang out with or show attention to a girl if all he is in it for is sex........but not marry them. And he is catching up for time lost according to the standards of society today. At least he still thinks you're hot and wants to be with you? But you do need to say "not now" or something if you aren't into it then because if he gets to enjoy himself you should be enjoying it too......but it is new and VERY exciting for him
2007-11-22 14:51:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lots of guys do but the ones that do generally end up divorced. Why do you think there is so much divorce? A guy marries for it and then realizes that it's about money, kids, extended family, sacrifice, putting someone else before yourself, caring for others' needs. Yeah - love does not equal sex - but alot of guys - are strictly led into dating and marriage by their hormones and they don't even know it. It doesn't matter if you had sex before marriage or not - his hormones are in control. He needs to let God have control of your sex life and realize how very important your needs really are. But for newlyweds - this takes time. Get connected with a church family and a pastor because we really needed that tremendously our first few years to survive. Like a man needs to tell your husband where he's wrong and get him to give in to you more. A woman needs to tell you where you're wrong and get you to give into him on some things. It takes time to learn true love. It's like a violin concerto. You're not going to play in the symphony yet - you're just a young child squeaking away on the violin strings. Be patient and stop worrying about if he loves you or not at this point. Alot of people have these kinds of fears when they are first married. You have to learn how to love - it's not the high feeling of being on your honeymoon and it's not the freedom you feel when you're dating. It's the day in day out sacrifices you make and the hard work you do to sustain the marriage that makes it work. True love is when you sacrifice your freedom for someone else's good. You allow yourself to lose - for someone else's gain etc....
2007-11-22 14:33:10 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being a christian doesn't stop most people from having sex. It didn't stop me. I didn't get married just for sex, but I sure would not have married my wife if she weren't kinky enough for me.
I think you and your hubby should get a sex manual or two and go over it together. You could both learn something. Enjoy it. It is one of God's gifts. Also if you are not in the mood you should not HAVE to have sex just because he wants to. On the other hand if you NEVER are in the mood you might want to see a therapist.
Maybe you should compromise and do it twice a day.
2007-11-22 16:58:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are lucky to marry a man that has not been with every other girl on the eastern seaboard. I know that you are tired, but hang in there. Eventually, he'll get tired of it also. In the mean time, express to him how draining the sex is and designate a few nights each week, if that's possible to enjoy yourselves.
2007-11-22 14:29:43 · answer #7 · answered by Kim 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell him that 3 times a day is wearing you out. It is great, but there are limits and you need a break. You sound like a very understanding and willing spouse, so just talk to him and I bet it will all work out fine for you. It's ok to talk about sex... it will help you lots in the long run if you can talk about everything.
2007-11-22 14:26:04 · answer #8 · answered by Big D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really dont think the two are related, him wanting sex all day, has nothing to do with him loving you or not. he is a guy, and for men, sex is not a want, sex is a need for them, a man has to have sex to stay healthy. tell him that you are getting sore and can he slow it down to once every other day so you wont end up losing all interest in it
2007-11-26 06:48:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is coming from a guy married for 10+ years.
Enjoy it NOW. It will dwindle in time and then you'll be missing the "good ol' days." You should be glad he's that into you.
And no, sex is not everything...but it IS in the top 3.
2007-11-22 14:29:30 · answer #10 · answered by Voice_Of_Reason 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋