she was named after my parents' surname.people around us doesnt know anything about it and think that she was adopted from my mom's brother so i treat her outside as my little sister.it's hard for me to keep it secret but i should do it to protect her from criticisms.im still young and still studying.(i was raped at the age of 17.)
2007-11-22 13:53:31 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Well that is not a choice that only you should make. that is something that you and your parents need to talk about before you say anything to her. It may bite you in the butt depending on how old she is. I knew a couple who had the same situation and the boy was 9 when they told him. He did not take it well he was very upset about being lied to and was very mad at everyone involved, So this should be a group talk. You left out key info though.... how old are you now?? are you ready to take care of her now??? how old is she??? Are you ready for the criticism that will come at you??
2007-11-22 13:59:48 · answer #1 · answered by mickeybettyboop 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go see a professional who can help you work through the best way to approach it. It certainly is going to be sensistive and how you approach the subject with your daughter may have a big impact on the kind of relationship you come out the other side with. I can't see why anyone would need to know that you we're raped, that is your personal business. Whether you choose to tell this to your daughter in time is also your business. Being a young Mum, at least in society as I know it, is becoming more and more accepted everyday. Sure you might get the odd person with an opinion, but most people learn to accept people for who they are in the end. Hey, at the end of the day, so long as you and your daughter are happy, right? I don't know how old she is, this may have a bearing on when you feel she might be ready to deal with knowing you are her Mum and being able to deal with any criticisms you feel she may face. I'm not sure if you refer to criticism of you being a young Mum or the fact that you were raped, but regardless, a professional counsellor or the likes should be able to help you work through all these fears before you tell your daughter anything.
Anyway, I think your daughter is one lucky girl to have a Mum like you who cares for her so deeply, even if she doesn't know it yet.
With a love like that you'll make the right decision when the time is right for both of you. Have faith and it will all turn out fine.
2007-11-22 14:20:08 · answer #2 · answered by shareebee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave it alone for now. Have your parents told your daughter that she is adopted? I am no tsure how old you are or your daughter. She may be at an age that she may not understand yet. I would talk to a counselor and get their input on how to go about it in the most loving, delicate way. I had a close friend that did this with her two sons with positive results for a compelely different reason. The boys were able to take advantage of Better Health Care, Better housing and more clothing of the quality they needed for their climate. They would tell you they have two moms,Mom and Mommy Judith. They also knew Dad. When she had they adoption, she had strayed from her religion and was not living a "clean" life. She was able to get back on track and become pleased with her life and her recovery.
2007-11-22 14:20:42 · answer #3 · answered by littlerascal711 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assume your parents are raising her, so really it's something you need to decide on with your parents. They are her parents as far as she is concerned, so this information needs to come from them - remember when you were little, your parents were the ultimate source of answers and nothing was true unless they confirmed it for you. If you decide that this is a good time to tell her (and that'll depend on her age - which will also affect how much you tell her), your parents can tell her something like, "Honey, we love you very much, and we think you are old enough now to know something about yourself you didn't know before. Your sister is actually your birth mommy. We don't love you any different because of that. Your sister was very young when she had you, and we thought it best at the time that people think of you as having been Uncle Bob's baby that we adopted. Your sister loves you very very much and wanted you to have the best life possible, but she was too young to be able to give you the things you needed as a baby. But we all think you are old enough now to understand and to know the truth." I would suggest against discussing the rape until she is in high school - it will be distressing to her to find out, and she won't have the emotional maturity to handle it until she's at least in high school if not older.
2007-11-22 14:05:12 · answer #4 · answered by Ottergirl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her in the best way you think, you have the right, because you are her mom. I don't know how old your daughter is, but the younger the better. The same happened to me, but I was the children. My "real mom" was my older sister, because I got my parents surname too, but I was 12 when I knew the truth, it wasn't that shocking at that time, because I was suspecting that something was happening, anyway I think it would be better for my biological mother to tell me the truth before, because I can't call her mom. I am now 31 years old, and I can't call her mom, because my mom is who raised me ... my "grandma"... even though she made differences between me and my other "sisters".
The truth could be sad sometimes, but we can overcome that, I know your daughter will overcome the pain, but you need to feel releaved, you had a sad experience so you need to feel happy.
God will help you :)
I hope my story could help you. :)
2007-11-22 14:03:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't think you CAN tell them it without hurting their feelings. Just tell them that your daughter doesn't really know them and whatnot and that also they need to buy things for her to stay overnight like a crib and diapers and all those necessities.
2016-05-25 01:41:18 · answer #6 · answered by margurite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ouch. I hope she's still REALLY young. Sounds like, you, her, and your parents all need to sit down and have a LONG talk. Don't be scared of critisism, people will either understand or they won't, but the longer you put this off, the harder she's gonna take it. Especially if she's old enough to develope an attitude. Good Luck.
2007-11-22 13:58:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should sit down, talk to her and tell her the truth. Even though, it may come as a huge surprise to her, I think that she will have to find out sooner or later... But really I know it's a
difficult decision so consider it carefully.
By the way, how old is your daughter?
2007-11-22 14:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by ღ♥ღ HaiLo☆ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When she's mature enough to handle it. The time will come, but it will come at her pace, not yours.
Now I don't know if this post is real or not, but if it is I have to give you a lot of credit for going through your pregnancy and her birth. There are a lot of 17 year olds who would not have done that; who would have chosen the easier way out.
2007-11-22 13:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is something that I would think is best decided by you, the adopted parents, and A TRUSTED THERAPIST. See a counselor (hopefully you have/are for the trauma you faced)... and get some recommendations. Perhaps tell her with the therapist present.
2007-11-22 14:50:23 · answer #10 · answered by Audra K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋