I'm feeling so sad for my husband?

Question

I heard him cough his lungs out again, he's being a smoker for almost 12 years. I don't know what to do, I throw away his cigarrets several times during 9 years of our marriage, only to get into arguments, I bought patches, gums for him, but it doesn't work, he doesn't have the will or for some reason he's not inspired.
He catches all colds my son gets in the winter, I'm watching him slowly killing himself, and I don't know what to do. I ask him to ask his doctor for prescriptions to quit, but he doesn't want to tell him.
Does anyone have any sucess to get their spouse to quit smoking?

Answer 1

Sorry dear but NO ONE who smokes is going to quit unless THEY WANT to and all the prodding and pushing and shoving stuff down his throat will only make him want to keep smoking all the more... why do I know this? I smoked for 35 YEARS---quitting a little over a year ago... why did I finally get motivated to quit? Congestive Heart Failure and Pulmonary hypertension---Stage 3..... Which means heart and lung disease SEVERE... Uncureable and terminal... Maybe 5 years the doctors are telling me but probably less. HOWEVER, I smoking didn't CAUSE these illnesses ---years of sleep apnea did... but smoking didn't help... Smoking is like being an alcoholic... it's an addiction. I guess you have to hit bottom with smoking just as MOST people do before they decide to join AA for their drinking. I was coughing and would get bronchitis all the time but never quit... until I was laying in a hospital bed with a doctor leaning over me telling me I would be dead between 2 months and 5 years from LAST YEAR. Quitting smoking is probably the single most difficult thing I have EVER done...and trust me, unless your HUSBAND is motivated to quit, he won't--and NO ONE ELSE can motivate him but HIM. However, you could stop kissing him and tell him you are sick of kissing an ashtray and make him take his coats off OUTSIDE the home and LEAVE them outside because they stink of cigarette smoke...and if your son is little he best not be smoking when he's around your son....he can ACTUALLY be arrested for CHILD ABUSE for that in some states now..... but as far as giving them up, DON'T PUSH cause he will only push back... I KNOW because that is what I did for YEARS when my mother and brother would NAG THE HELL out of me every time I saw them ---about my smoking---it actually made me want to smoke more to SPITE them.... stupid but it is true with most smokers who are nagged to death...

Answer 2

I'm sorry but unless and until he is ready and willing to stop he will not and can not. You know the physical and mental addiction cigarettes have on people. If you try to force him to stop and if he goes along with it for a little, you will end up in a fight. This is due to him wanting to smoke and also craving the nicotine. People can act very mean if they don't get their nicotine when they want it. The only thing you can do is tell him how much you love him and that you wish he would stop smoking. Then one day he might stop and you can then be supportive and help him stop. Until he is willing to stop himself, all you are doing is causing a fight by throwing out his cigarettes. Wellburtin is an anti-depressant that also helps people stop craving cigarettes. It has been shown to help people stop smoking. If he needs now or in the future to be put on an anti-depressant I suggest having him put on Wellbutren. This might help him stop or at lest cut down. All you can do is tell him you love him and care for him and hope he will stop one day. Don't aggravate him to much about it. If you do that it will seem like your nagging him and then he will get upset and when people who smoke get upset, they smoke more. So just say something about it only every now and then. Good luck, I hope for your sake and his, he will one day soon stop smoking. I know how hard it is I use to smoke. My grandfather also smoked for 30 years. He never got cancer or anything and is still alive at 83, so your husband still has time to quit and lead a long and healthy life. =)

Answer 3

My spouse never smoked but I did. I just read an op/ed piece in the Washington Post that said that alcoholics found it easier to give up drinking than smoking. I gave it up because I really, really didn't want to be a smoker. I know it's horrible watching someone do something so destructive to their health. I quit by eliminating the places where I would allow myself to smoke until finally there were none left. But I wanted to do it. And it was really hard. My dad has lost his father, brother, sister, and son to smoking related illnesses and yet he still can't give it up. The only thing I could think to tell you would be to gather family and friends and do an intervention like you would if he were addicted to drugs or alcohol. Best of luck to you and your family.

Answer 4

Unfortunately he needs to come into contact with some personal motivation for quitting. Maybe he will lose a friend to cancer or see someone struggle with a disease due to smoking. There's probably nothing you can personally do to motivate him. Unfortunately he is hurting you too with the second hand smoke (if he smokes around you, I don't know). Good luck with this, I feel for you.

Answer 5

Ouch. I feel for you. I think it's time for a real honest to goodness sit down talk with him about your concerns.
It won't be pretty, and he might just agree with you, but that agreement may only be words to get you off his back.
You have to really confront him on this one. I have no doubt you've told him your concerns, so maybe it's time that you both go see his doctor. It's ganging up against his habit, but it might work. You obviously love him, and that just may be what it takes.
Nicotine is the hardest drug to kick. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

its the stoges or you. i was a smoker and my husband told me point blank that if we were to marry then i was to put the effort into quitting. he was a social smoker and the reason he had trouble quitting completely was because i smoked around him. one day he looked at me and said he was getting sick because of the smoking and if i would quit he could quit completley and be healthy. at that moment i knew no ciggerete was worth my husband's well being.
tell your husband that if he doesnt quit he may not live to see your son grow into a man. and tell your son to have a talk with him also. maybe if he hears his son begging him to quit it will put some sense into him.

Answer 7

It's not easy to quit. I know from experience. I truly believe you have to seriously want to stop and then you can. Try asking him if he wants to grow old with you and be there for his son's life events (Graduations, Marriage, Grandkids). If he doesn't care enough about his own health, maybe thinking about his families welfare and future will help. Good Luck.

Answer 8

Sorry to hear about that, but that is common for a smoker. There is nothing more you can do, because its up to him to give them up. More you try to make him stop, more he will smoke that is the common recation from any kind of addict. Just hope and prayer that he give it up before it too late.

Answer 9

Ever heard the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink"

Well same applies here, he will not quite until he wants to.

Answer 10

I sure did...I told him when we first started dating....to choose between the cigarettes and me....that he couldn't have both...He quit cold turkey....He doesn't smoke and hasn't in nearly 2 years....

The truth is....you have to really want to quit...when the will is there....the way is there too....Your husband doesn't want to quit....unless and until he does...you are fighting a losing battle...