How do you keep emotional distance without losing compassion?

Question

I feel like I obsess WAY too much about sad stories I hear in the news, even if they don't affect me or anyone I love. I feel like it's really starting to negatively affect my life because I will lie awake at night thinking about the terrible things that I hear about. Yet I don't want to be callous to other people's misfortunes, either. How do you maintain a balance of "feeling other people's pain" and being compassionate but not to the point that you're bummed out and thinking about it most of the time?

Before I select a best answer, I want to thank all those who answered. I got a great "balance" of answers. All of the ideas put forth.....watching the news less, helping make a difference through volunteering, using dark humor/venting, praying, keeping perspective, etc. were all great ideas. And it was great to hear the thoughts of people who have been much closer to the "ugliness" than I have (such as the police officer.) I'm sure if I work hard to combine some of the elements of all these ideas, it will help me deal with it better. Thank you all so much.

Answer 1

As a retired police officer/ deputy coroner I saw pain and suffering up close every day of my 21 years service. Our methods of coping were varied.

We joked about the incident, a type of black humor to those not involved. This was not meant to make light of what had happened but more to relieve the stress of what we had seen.

Other times I went home and hugged my kids. This reassured me that I was more fortunate than the folks I had just dealt with.

I guess, to put it in a nutshell, "venting" with someone you are close to will help.

It is in human nature to worry so this is normal. But you must look around you and be assured that all is all right in your corner of the world. The next thing to do is be somewhat prepared to handle things that could affect you. Having the confidence that you can survive will give you peace of mind.

Answer 2

It sounds like you are a very sensitive and empathetic person.

What helps me is to remember that for all the bad we hear on t.v., that that is just a small percentage of a very large world. They do not advertise the good on t.v or in the newspapers. Just the worst of the worst. And then they replay it over and over to drive it home (uhg).

As humans, we can endure a heck of a lot and still keep going. We are versatile creatures. I have been through some horrible things this past year, and my husband tells me all the time, what is the worst that could happen? Death? Well, even after death, people cope. Illness? Still, people fight. Poverty? People keep pushing.

I have no idea what religion you are, or if you even are religious, but it helps me to think about Jesus up there on that cross. He gave up everything and endured the ultimate suffering. But that suffering is ultimately what lead to our eternal life. I do believe that suffering is not pointless. It molds us into better people, and makes us more sensitive and less selfish. Even at the end, it is not the end.

So when I hear something horrible on t.v, I feel sick. But then I say a prayer, learn from what I hear, and then let it go. People are amazing creatures, and somehow, it will all be ok.

Answer 3

how do you live with out dying,how can we love without negatively getting muddy,where can we stand on this spinning rock somewhere nowhere that has place to a mortals finite mind?>: Hi: yes this is a good focal point, and we know as limited beings of little proportion where here makes up so little; a good focal point be a good start. with a lever and fulcrum properly fixed we can change the coarse of dreams. our taste for quality in our physical existence is like right on the edge of our face to face with reality. it is our inter reaction; with the sad stories of life, the obsession to maintain purpose for these shells that channel the ever flowing draw if inspiration. the distance between the feeling and the gnawing is pro-regulated as you already know or since with in your pulsing body.My friend we walk aboard this ship the the captain and crew is; 'well' faith is believing, trust is knowing 100% love is our master.

Answer 4

Do what you can to help alleviate SOME of the terribleness. Go to work in a field where you can make a difference people's lives or volunteer to help people. Donate clothing, food, household item, money (even small amounts help), etc. Make items to give or sell and give the profits to the victims of tragedies. In other words, be proactive, not just sympathetic.

Answer 5

you just have to learn how to feel without crying and being to sad the world is a hard place to live in mayby you should stop reading or watching the news so much and focus on more postive things I think that anyone can become emotional over to many sad storys so thats what I think might help hope it dose.

Answer 6

I used to distance myself from people because it was too painful to listen to others' difficulties and pain. In my early '30's, I went back to graduate school and got a California teaching creditial. I taught Kindergarteners and remedial reading to 3rd and 4th Gr. kids. The Kinders had such grief with their peers (this was in a very low socio-economic industrial area w/ 40% sub-standard housing. I learned that in order to HELP them work out their feelings, I HAD to put my own hurt for them away! I organized socio-dramas through which they worked out their feelings; developed higher levels of language with pursuasion, reasoning, etc. which helped THEM tremendously!! In my mid-forties, I went back to graduate school and earned an MA in Guidance and Counseling and worked with very troubled adolescent young women in a locked residential psychiatric treatment center for 15 yrs. Here, especially, I learned to put my own feelings on a back-burner; LISTEN intently upon what the y. women said AND their body language; and THEN, the method of helping THEM do also, was developed! I finished 8 more yrs with Severe Behavior Disordered teenaged guys in a special SpEd classroom. These guys ACTED OUT their feelings rather than FEEL them themselves! They gave everybody ELSE problems and grief!-----But it takes a lot of work and training to learn to feel your OWN feelings when it concerns you; be compassionate for others without bringing yourself DOWN--But I also got a lot of my own therapy on my own time, which really helped me separate their pain from mine! I'd recommend a good qualified psychiatric social worker! They are trained to work with "the inner" and the outer social setting. You'll find a gold mine within yourself--and will accomplish your positive dreams! Not just spin your wheels burning up good energy and helping no one, including yourself!

Answer 7

God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to accept the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference

Answer 8

i dont know. thats a tough question