We have been married for 15 years and slowly my wifes drive has gone down. Now I think she only does it for me. It has been the source of much of our problems and I often think that if I would just have an affair the rest of our marriage would improve. The last thing I want to do is hurt my wife but sex is a very important part of life and although I would give it up before hurting her I don't want to have to.
2007-11-22 13:10:14 · 33 answers · asked by troubled 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I suggest that you ask your wife this question. After hearing a question like this from you, she probably will make more of an effort to resurrect her sex drive.
Perhaps an affair would not be wrong, if your wife agrees to let you have it. But if you do it in secret and conceal your affair from your wife. Then she will feel betrayed and lied to, when she finds out. And this may end of your love and your marriage.
2007-11-22 13:18:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think the only thing you are missing is sex but having an affair will take you attention, energy and time away from your family, she will know something is up even if she doesn't know what and at some point you may decide you want to share your life with someone who enjoys sex with you and then your marriage is destroyed, your wife betrayed, devastated, angry.
Cheating is the fastest way to destroy your marriage. It will also give you something to feel deeply guilty about, and it will be a label you will carry to your grave that you are a "cheater."
If you can't live with your wife the way she is, seek counseling and try to improve the relationship or leave her and then start dating. You may think an affair will hurt less than a divorce but you would be flat out wrong. Having an affair is the most painful way you can hurt your wife. Affiars are destructive and disrespectful and always, always, always wrong.
2007-11-22 13:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Jen70 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have an affair, that will crush her.
Most likely her decrease is do to her self esteem, tiredness from age, stress, health, depending on age menopause, kids?, bills, etc... plus she is content in the marriage after 15 years and expects you to be there no matter what she might be going thru.
have you talked to her about it and approach it directly?
You should NEVER cheat. That is just wrong. It may be because you don't make her feel beautiful or important to you. Women need attention and need to feel sexy, beautiful, etc. When the men don't make us feel that way, we slowly lose lack of interest. Sometimes the marriage just co exists. It is sad, but a little effort on the man's part could go a long way with the women and then everyone will be happy with the outcome.
2007-11-22 18:04:42 · answer #3 · answered by Just ME 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are considering having affair, that means there is breakdown in communication between you and your wife. You really should think about, is it worth hurting your marriage and your wife. She would lose all respect for you and might decide to divorce and get even in court. That is also not including the guilt you will feel if you did go through with it. If you have kids, please think about the kids and how they will feel about this. If you can say you still love her, then talk with her get away from the house just the two of some where without the kids and talk about it. Good Luck and God Bless
2007-11-22 13:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had a casual affair with someone, it would only destroy your marriage, if you love your wife stay true to her, she may be going through a change in life, we all go through it, her sex drive will came back, you just need to be patient with her, in the mean time tell her how beautiful she is, and drop her little unexpected notes during the day where she will find them, and buy her a sexy nightie, or some aroma scent candles, I bet she will change her mind about a few things, but most of all make her feel she is loved and you make her feel beautiful. She may be thinking she is over weight and ugly right now, make sure you don't harp on her for her flaws.
2007-11-22 13:19:50 · answer #5 · answered by tiny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really love her and really don't want to have an affair, talk to her and then talk to her Dr, if you had a great sex life and its just seems she had less drive it could be more of a chemical then mental. Sounds like you are both willing to do what it takes for your marriage, spend your time on the internet looking for options on making your sex life better with your wife before you start looking for a different sex partner.
good luck.
2007-11-22 14:10:04 · answer #6 · answered by vjustmehere 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, an affair is always completely wrong. If you genuinely thought this would ever be okay with your wife there would be no need to post it on here... you'd have already done it. Even if your wife has a lower sex drive, that is no excuse for going outside your marriage.
2007-11-22 13:22:30 · answer #7 · answered by detailgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having an affair would not solve anything but could only make the problems worse than what they already are. Having sex with another woman will not improve the marriage at all.
2007-11-22 13:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An affair is never justified. If you have issues with your wife's sex drive there are other ways to address it. First of all, she should see a doctor and see if there is a medical related problem.
Also, if you have an affair and get caught it only weakens your position should a divorce happen.
2007-11-22 13:32:46 · answer #9 · answered by MB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should discuss this with her...the same way you put it here...it may well put some urgency back into the passion of your love making...I don't know if that makes since...however I think it would help rather than hurt...sex is a part of our physical make up, just as eating and other needs that we have...if this is not being met at your house, your wife is in a since abusing you...this would be torture to me and I would pose the same question to my husband with no reservations about it. I hope it works out for you,
2007-11-22 13:26:52 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋