My wife was raped as a young woman. now she never wants to hav sex. when we do its passionless What do i do!?

Question

When we do its completly passionless. and when she was a teen ager she had no res[ect for herself and i feel like she is holding back in our marriage. its killing me to think that she never wants to have sex with me, or even that she might occociate me with what happend. Help me. i dont know what to do...

Answer 1

I feel for her. I'm sure rape is a terrible and everlast experience. Despite that fact, if she lets the rape affect you and your relationship than she is letting the rapist win. As a man, I know that we find our sexual attraction very important. I always tell my girlfriend that I'm less interest in actually having sex, and more interested in knowing that she wants to have sex with me. Women are spoiled and always have many suitors, they don't know what it's like to be a man, and not be lusted after. Many men just want to wanted, as women are.

This being said, obviously talk to her and see if she is willing to meet you midway. If she doesn't then you have to accept the fact that her bad experience being raped is more important than you. You have needs like her, and if her need is to not have sex, then you should find sex elsewhere. If she's not willing to make love with you than she really shouldn't care if you find it elsewhere. Don't be ashamed of sexual desire, its complelty normal and healthy.

Answer 2

I know you love her or you wouldn't be asking for help, so let me try and offer some advice to your family. First, please don't get frustrated with her allow time for her to reveal what's going on within her just by asking non-biased questions. Open an open-ended questions session; just you and her. Warning tears will be shed so if you aren't emotionally prepared to be; due to the fact, this was a horrendous time in her life prepare yourself but don't force her to. You have to be prepared to fill her shoes; while listening completely using empathy skills. I know this is a lot for a man to do, but try it and trust me it needs to be released from her before any healing can come forth. Let her know she is loved by you and no other man will ever hurt her. You are her husband and know this as long as God is on your side no man ever will. Honey you are not alone. I was once your wife and at times I still feel like a victim. It's an emotional journey that's not deserving of anyone's time, but the fact of the matter is it happened and be prepared for the battles just put God first. Pray for her healing and trust it will happened.

Many Blessings for you and your wife yall will get through this, Thanks for being a man and asking this heartaching question. Be Good Don't Get detoured! Love YOU ALL

Answer 3

Usually when a woman shuts down sexually, it's because she is hurt by something her spouse has done. Have you oogled too many women? Made comments about your son's girlfriends? Have you in ANY way made her feel like she isn't good enough? That will shut a woman down and it's up to you to bring her back and love her again. Most women love intimacy as much or more than a man, and when they stop, it's a sign that they've been hurt. Fix it.

Answer 4

She needs therapy and you need to not take this personnally. You just happen to be the man that accepted this challenge when you married her. It takes time for women to get over this type of trauma and most can not do it without counselling. At least she is considerate of your needs that she will have sex with you. A lot of women will not. Tiem and counselling are the only thing that will get her out of her shell. ( a good relationship with God would do it as well)

Answer 5

She is still feeling shame for something that was not her fault and hurt. If you are involved with a chruch get a pastor or priest view on this situation, and if she needs counseling and wants it get it for her. Just stay be her side, she will notice and she needs the support. You are great person to be by her side. Just continue to love her, even though it maybe hard on you. Good luck.

Answer 6

I am going to be very Honest I was raped as a young adult and things happened as a child. But I LOVE to have sex! I think I want it even more than the average chick. Granted there are a couple of things I will not do or if I do I get like a flash back and then it ruins me for a couple of days. I almost hate the person I am with because I felt they made me do what I didn't want to. But as far as sex in general Cant get enough with the right person. But she most likely isn't into you anymore or you remind her of the person who raped her

Answer 7

you need to get her some professional help. i was nearly raped by two men when i was younger. the only reason i got away was because my cell phone started ringing and i managed to grab it and the guy holding me down saw it was a camera phone and freaked out because he thought i might have gotten his picture and sent it to someone. as awful as this situation was though..it never affected my sex life with my wonderful husband. everyone is different though. she may be equating sex with rape and that is why she is having a hard time. again, gently suggest that she go to counseling to deal with these issues. sex can be a beautiful thing when it is shared between two people who love each other and she needs to see that.

Answer 8

You have nothing to do with the asshole that raped her way back then so I don't know why she's even bringing it up when it comes to you guys in the bedroom. I say she is using it as some sort of excuse for something.

This is coming from a woman who has had the same thing happen to her but do not associate it whatsoever with my husband and I when we have sex. It's an entirely different situation and I know he loves and respects me.

Answer 9

Hon Be gentle, understanding, see what makes her want you, ask her what you can do to make her feel more at ease . Get counseling for her and yourself, it is really really hard to understand someone till you listen and even imagine yourself in her shoes, I have been through rape more times than I care to discuss and there are certain things that set me off but there are others that turn me on. See if you can find out what turns her on.

Answer 10

She might need some counseling,I was molested when I was young and have flash backs every now and then. It is hard, but its something you just need to get over and deal with. Let her know you would never do anything to harm her and support her through the hard times.