He says it is not me he doesn't want to marry anyone. I am almost 27. Never married. 2 kids. Is there something wrong with me ? I ask him why he doesn't want to marry and he always comes up with a new excuse such as our age diffrence. He is 39. Or he says I quit everything and he thinks I will divorce if married. He also said he doesn't want me to find someone else later and be stuck married to him. What should I do. I don't want to leave but I also don't want to never marry.
2007-11-22 11:53:51 · 33 answers · asked by Amanda C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not good. He will not make the commitment. He has no argument when he says there is a great age difference... so why did he move in with you in the first place... when you were younger that was an even serious issue, you were 22, that is very young indeed for a guy over 30.
Don't waste your time forcing him. either accept it as it is or move on
good luck
2007-11-22 12:31:36 · answer #1 · answered by GreenEyes 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's wrong if he's offering excuses. But we can't be sure that they are just excuses can we? Maybe he honestly assumes that you will need someone younger in the years to come. It might not make a difference now but he could really have an issue over it. Why does he say that you quit everything? Do your 2 kids have the same father? You may have overlooked the possibility that he's being as straight with you as he can, but you don't want to accept his answers. I see that you and some other women who have answered simply disregard the man's straightforward answer and immediately move on to a discussion of the best ways to break him down and bend him to your will. You want what you want and you just don't really care about his thoughts if they aren't working toward giving you what you demand. And some of you wonder why we men move on to other women. You isolate him emotionally and issue all of the demands you like. How many women bully or manipulate their men into changing only to find that they can no longer have respect for a man so easily controlled? He has communicated his answer to you. He doesn't want to marry. That's called communication and I hear that some women really put a lot of stock in that sort of thing. Or is communication only something you want when it's going in your favor? He's made his decision. So instead of looking for ways to change his decision, why don't you make one for yourself?
2007-11-22 13:13:30 · answer #2 · answered by noshaymatall 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to wake up and see the writing on the wall! This man is never going to marry you he has made that clear. What do you think he meant when he said "he doesn't want you to find someone else later and be stuck married to him" to me that translates that he does not want to be stuck with you when he finds someone else. (I am not trying to be cruel here) You never said if the kids are his so that would come into play too. This guy wants all the benefits of marriage that you provide him, but he does not want to provide you with the same and by not marring you he legally does not have any financial obligations as well. He can up and move out and you have no legal recourse. However, if he marries you by law he then assumes some responsibility.
You are very young yet, do you want to wake up in a few more years and find out he has met someone else and is moving on. All of a sudden you have wasted your youth on someone who made it clear that he had no intenton of making you a permenant part of his life.
Get some counseling, it will help you see, you have two choices here:
Stay: if you do, you will have to accept he will never marry you and you take the chance he will someday move on to another woman.
or
Leave: Get counseling, take time for you and the kids to adjust to the change and when you are ready get out with friends, maybe even date again.
The right man will come along and if he truly loves you he will make you his wife and publicly make you and the kids his family.
2007-11-22 12:48:00 · answer #3 · answered by experienced in life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in the same situation as you are, five years with my bf (I am 24 he is 33). He was telling me the same thing your boyfriend is telling you. I gave him an ultimatum that he had a year to propose to me and if he did not I will leave. Well he told me that he loved me a lot but would never marry because he did not see the point of having a paper when we were already living together as if we were married. So I left, couple of months later he came back to tell me that he wanted to give me everything I wanted. And I am still waiting lol...but i have a feeling that he is preparing to propose.So my best advise to you, sometimes men need a push to make such big steps...if talking does not work, maybe you should give him an ultimatum.
2007-11-22 12:10:50 · answer #4 · answered by Natalia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all to the person that said your already married under common law.. some states do not reconize common law..you need to find out what your state laws are..I know for the ones that do it is that you have a bank account together.. that you files taxes as married and you hold your self out as married.. such as you both tell people that you are..no to answer you question.. i am in the same boat.. with some one who never married and more than likely never will. i was married 2 times.. first you got to think about what is more important marry that person or finding someone new..how much you love that person and how well you get along.. chances are if you get along you don't want some one new.. but maybe what he really is saying to you.. is that HE may find some one new and dont want to be stuck to you.. sorry.. but turn it around
2007-11-22 12:04:51 · answer #5 · answered by vis 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You fell into the syndrome of living with someone without the benefit of marriage....You get into it and then wonder why your significant other doesn't want to marry you. Here is a poem for you:
First comes love
Then comes marriage
Then comes Mary with the baby carriage
Did you follow that? No of course not. So now you repent in leisure. If he doesn't feel enough for you to marry you, then it is time to give an ultimatum. If I were you, I would threaten to leave him. After all, you have two children with him. If he still refuses to set a date for marriage, I would definitely leave him. But have a plan first. Don't just walk out...have a plan in motion of where you will live and how you will support yourself. He will be responsible for the children because they are his. Don't be afraid. That is what he is counting on. He figures where are you going with two children. Show him you have guts and you want to be a wife not only in name but with that piece of paper and if he refuses that committment, then he is not worth anything...Move on and make a new life. But I think if you walk out, he will follow you and ask your hand in marriage. That may be what it will take for him to make that decision. Go for it.
2007-11-22 12:47:39 · answer #6 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your guy may have commitment problems, or he's just not into you already. If he does want to get marry, he'd have done that years ago. You've to move on with your life. You're still young, no point wasting your youth on such a man. If you really dont want to leave him, then you've to be prepared for the future. I dont think he'll be with you for long. Get your own life, bring up the kids well and plan your future. That's the utmost priority in your life now.
2007-11-22 12:36:10 · answer #7 · answered by le_snowangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder if he meant that the other way around...don't want to find someone else and be stuck married to you. Don't pressure him, cause if you do you;ll be sorry. If you do wind up talking him into it he won't be as happy as you and that will take away some of your joy. You might consider disappearing for a while, to give him a quick look at life with out you. And if it's right, he may come to the realization that he dosen;t want to risk being without you. I know that's easier said than done, but sometimes you just gotta call these men at their bluffs to get real action
2007-11-22 11:59:45 · answer #8 · answered by june-bug54 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guy is NOT marriage material, so it's time to move on while you're still young. When guys have a ton of excuses why they don't want to marry, it's a mute point. He's now concerned about the age difference but he's been living with you for five years, so why is it an issue now? He seems to lack faith in you so cut the cord now. You'll never experience marriage if you stay with him. It also sounds as though he wants to blame you for not wanting to marry. He's not ready for a lifelong commitment, so move on before you begin resenting him or vice versa.
2007-11-22 12:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by Shortstuff13 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I made it very clear before I moved in with my now husband that I was not moving in without knowing it was to take the next step. I don't know why more women don't do this.... talk about the future and what you both want or don't want out of it. We had already discussed children (I made sure he would not want a son named after him), how we would handle money, etc.... it made things alot easier in the long run!
I hate to say it, but you can't make someone marry you - if that's what you really want then move on and find someone who wants the same thing.
2007-11-22 12:19:04 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋