I dont like my stepdaughters?

Question

I have stepdaughters who are my same age as my husband is older than me. They have thier own lives and live in different towns. Recently my spouse was seriously ill and had to be hospitalized. the daughters from his first marriage decided to visit him daily. One went so far as to move into his hospital room. I was not able to spend all my time with him as i was busy taking care of our own children. I resent it that they seem to think that because he is in the hospital a hundred miles away that this is the perfect time for them to spend some alone time with him. They want to be there listening to all the doctors decisions and they dont tell me anything about whats going on. I think they should let the hospital staff take care of him and let him get his rest . They have been very rude and unfriendly when i am around them therefore i dont want to be around them that much and they know it. Am I wrong to feel this way ? We have been married for more than 20 yrs.

Answer 1

All you think is about yourself. They probably dont like you cause they figured you were that way. Think you could try to be a little more humble?

Answer 2

You sound a little jealous, and there seems no reason to resent your step-daughters' concern for their father, especially if you were busy part of the time. If they hadn't come to help, you might be here complaining that they let you take all the responsibility...think about that.
I know that relatives can be pushy, but you could have asserted yourself and talked to the doctors by phone or in person so that you would not be left out. You could have asked the doctor's opinion on how much visitation was reasonable.
What was your husband's opinion of all this, was he so ill that he could not make his wishes known??? Did you ask him how much visitation from the daughters he wanted, did they ask? People in the hospital often do have too many visitors and it wears them down, but some need the support and concern that staff just can't provide.

Answer 3

I understand you are in a difficult position. I am married to a man who has kids from a previous marriage. I don't think right now with your husband sick is a good time to do anything and certainly isn't the time to talk to him about it. If you don't want them to talk with the doc etc have him do a medical power of attorney and you will have full say and the docs will not have a choice but to talk with you. Personally if that were my dad in the hospital id be there too. But i think you love your husband and they love their dad so there should be a middle ground somewhere and you and your hubby and his children need to set down and settle this once and for all... when he is sick and in the hospital its not the time to be stressed over family issues.

Answer 4

First of all these young ladies dont have any respect for you at all if there father is sick and in the hospital your right he needs his rest and dont need them hanging around. Being that he is your husband the doctors should be discussing his medical issues with you and not his children. i dont think that you are wrong but what they need to do is come and see him when he is well if they want to spend time with him instead of waiting until he gets sick and come and see him. Tell you what being that he is your husband i would spend time with him even if they are uncomfortable i would stay there and they would leave.



best of luck

Answer 5

Ok, you are complaining because when their dad got sick they stayed with him in the hospital. They don't sound like bad children at all and this surely isn't a reason to complain. You admit yourself you had to care for your other children... so why aren't you thanking them for being there for their dad??

Seems like you are holding onto some jealousy towards them, perhaps because they could be there and you couldn't...only you know why really.

But this isn't something you get upset about, this is something you thank someone for.

Answer 6

I can understand how you feel about the hospital staff telling them the information instead of you. It sounds to me like you are being a little selfish yourself. At least they are there for him and caring about his well being. If you don't like them, your intitled to that, but he is also their father. Talking to your husband at this time isn't good. His health is what is important here. If you feel that strong about it, then call the hospital and let them know that since your his wife and not always able to be there, they should call you with any decisions and not the daughters. Think about this for your husband.

Answer 7

I just left my husband and kids to travel to another country to move into my father's hospital room, so I can be near him and help to take care of him and watch out for him.

Please do not resent his daughters. He had them before he loved you and that bond cannot nor should it be broken. You have your own special place in his life and heart. Do not resent them for being loving to him. If they are mean to you, ignore it and know that is part of being married to him. You chose him knowing he had older kids close to your age - no fair whining about it now.

Also, be grateful for what they are doing. Doctors and nurses are overworked and understaffed and you would not believe the amount of mistakes they make. Be grateful for them being with his day and night and watching out for his welfare. I think everyone who enters a hospital needs to bring/have an advocate with him/her to help watch what happens, listen to the doctors and make sure the staff and nurses follow the doctors indications.

One last thought: why don't you try and remedy the situation with them? Invite them over to your home and tell them how grateful you are for their help with their dad. After all, you and they have a lot more in common - both parties love your husband and want what's best for him. Use that common ground as a way to try and repair your relationship. If you are kind and offer them your hand, they might just take it, lowering the level of mutual hostility. Think of the great gift that would be for your hubby!

Answer 8

Realize everyone is stressed and now is not the time to try to resolve wounds. Take a step back and try to see things from the other point of view. You'll feel better about yourself and find it easier to accept. Sounds like you want more time with him but, caring for your children are preventing you from being there. Perhaps, just maybe, his other children have noticed and are just trying to be there for him.

Try to appreciate their actions and ask them to be more cooperative with you. It takes two to tango!!!

Answer 9

first off your his wife, that's a fact you've been married for over 20 yr's then your marriage sound. you need to express your spousal right to the hospital staff demand them to tell you first of your going to write a letter to state medical broad about HIP PA RIGHTS VIOLATION. its right that is given to Patience and family. Patience right come first are supposed to. go see the hospital administrator. then tell the nurse and doctor's any more info given out to anyone else first before you will be talking to your lawyer. you need to set it straight. stand up for yourself. first explain it to your husband that he needs to express to his daughters that they must respect you, your rights as his wife.

Answer 10

You as a spouse should have priority before anyone else, the doctors should be giving only the information.
It hurts seeing someone else moving in on you. But those girls have rights also, he is their father and they care for him as much as you and maybe more because he nurtured them while they were growing up. I think that you should make an effort in becoming good friends with them as so to get along with each other.

Answer 11

No, your not wrong... They are over stepping their bounds.
I have a step daughter and step son. We get along when their mother is not involved
but the moment they go home with there really mother she turns them against me.
Thats the way its been for the last 13 years.
The best thing you can do is pray your husband gets better son so your life can turn back to normal...
After 20 years, they still dislike you, I don't think there is anything else you can do.