What did people in relationships do before counseling was so available and popular?

Question

The majority of answers here offer conseling as a means of reconciliation. Are there any mature people here who relied on themselves to solve their relationship woes. I personally feel that if you can't fix your own relationship how can a stranger do it for you. What has any counselor ever told you that you and your partner didn't already know?

I do understand how it works. Counselors are there for mediation and to be impartial. My point is if your partner refuses to be honest behind closed doors, why would anyone want someone who has to be forced to change who they are to be with you? Don't you ever think that they know they are wrong, but refuse to change? Why drag them to a "professional" talker to try to get them to admit they've been wrong. It just seems like a fad to me.

Answer 1

Sometimes its better to get an objective point of view in order for people to see what they are doing wrong, that's why outside help often helps. You get an opinion from someone on the outside looking in and they could possibly tell you something that you didn't notice.

Answer 2

That is a great question.
My view is this.
Back in the good old days as many say, when a man and a woman married, it was a contract between the two people to make a relationship, and a family work under any circumstance. Divorces were pretty much unheard of because of the shame that the people felt that they would bring to thier families. So, people stuck it out and ignored some things about thier partners. I have had the furtune to talk to a lot of elderly people who were born back in the early 1900's. The tales that they can tell about love and life are remarkable.
Politics plays a big part on the world in which we live today, and lawmakers think that they can regulate everyone's lives in whatever way they wish. The laws have been changed in so many ways, that people are learning that it is just easier to toss in the towel and move on to the next person in line. Morales also play a big part in this. People have lost thier morales more and more over the years, and with that loss, the self respect also went. My grandparents are deceased now, but the things that they were able to teach me are things that achild today rarely learns. Talking to people like they are real people is a thing that is getting lost.

Answer 3

Most people who ask questions here probably know what they should do, they just need support in finally making the decision, other ways to deal with the situation when they are out of ideas, or they need validation.
When you go to a counselor they don't exactly tell you what to do, they help you realize why you are doing things, your motivations, how your actions effect others, and what you could try as an alternate strategy.
You don't necessarily seek counseling because one person is right and the other is wrong, it is just two very different people trying to work out a compromise that makes both happy. The goal is to develop a healthier relationship. People at YA suggest that a person see a counselor because they realize that they are only offering an opinion, don't know the whole story, are not a professional, and the person seems to really need to seek outside help.

Answer 4

Well, what do you suppose people did before counseling and therapy for individuals? Just as there are more solutions, there are more problems in modern society. We humans are complicated creatures--in an ever increasingly, complicated world--who sometimes need the help of a professional psychologist to unravel pent up emotional issues. Although you do have a point in that people who can't be themselves shouldn't be together, it's hard for people to open up to ANYONE, including their significant others, especially in a world where being honest is increasingly difficult and dangerous.

Nowadays there are many, many more factors that weren't so prominent long ago, such as equality between genders, financial rights, sexual exploration, sexual orientation, etc. True, if a couple needs counseling, that may be a sign that things aren't working, but that's precisely why people seek counseling--they still feel enough attachment and adoration so that they're willing to tap into their emotional psyches in order to sort out their problems. Even the most loving of couples will run into some tough spots.

Answer 5

For couples who cannot openly and honestly communicate with each other, couseling is the answer. A thrid party that will ask the right questions to get the couple to TALK to each other! Unfortunately, most people see a counselor as some kind of miracle worker that will make their partner change.

Answer 6

Good counseling is not about who is right or wrong or who needs to change, per se.

Good counseling is about trying to see each other's points of view as valid ones and learning how to be kind, loving and patient despite those annoying things the other one does. It should not be about 'how does his messy hamper make you feel?" but rather, what about this man do you love and can you get back in touch with that and forget about your differences in style, temperament and activity.

I believe the exception to this is when one of the spouses/partners does things that are mean and hurtful, abusive, have addictions they are not willing to work on and get through or have affairs.

We all have things that set us off - it is working on ourselves to let does things slide and instead focus on the more meaningful and magnificent things our partner has to offer that can bring about a positive and permanent change in the relationship.

Going on and on about how someone's "whatever" makes one feel is useless, self-serving, selfish and does not lead to personal nor relationship growth.

Don't know if I quite answered what you asked...

Answer 7

Before counseling people just suffered through it or went to family members for advice. An outsider has experiences that you don't and can see things in an unbiased way. It took a counselor to show me how abused I was and to help me gain enough self esteem to get out of my situation. I dragged my husband in the hopes he would face up to his problems and decide he wanted to change. He didn't so I kept going to help me figure out how to help myself get better. P.S. I finally left (after 30 years)and have never been happier. he still refuses to believe he ever did anything wrong.

Answer 8

Sometimes when talking to a professional it helps by tapping into his professional experience.

Answer 9

before women had no rights, they couldnt even divorce a husband even if he was abusive. thankfully that changed. but unfortunately some women take those new ideas and abuse them.

Answer 10

ones who don't really love you, force you to change every aspect of who you are to suit their own selfish motives.

The ones who truly love you, want to change nothing only upgrade who you already are.