A serious question on abuse?

Question

I was sexually and mentally abused by a close family member when I was little. It went of for years. I now have a little 6 month old girl and can't help but be extremely protective of her. The thought of her going through anthing like I did terrifies me. My partner says I have to trust somebody and give her some space when she is older, but I know first hand that abuse is rife and it is usually the people you least expect doing it. Once it happens its too late, the damage is done. How can I stop myself being too over protective whilst ensuring she is safe

curious - no offence but enough of the "god" stuff, he didn't help me none when I was little. I think i'll trust my instincts more

Answer 1

honey, that's exactly what i was gonna say. You happen to be the expert here, more so than any educated book learning jerk. You hold the inner wisdom of knowing how her behavior and thought patterns do and will work now and as she changes, you also have a mothers intuition working for you now, you will be the first to sence the dangers. Have you noticed the ability to meet or be introduced to a total stranger, who sets off all your alarms, who, when in your company makes you stomache sick, who most women don't like but question why. I have been there and know why. And i think you also will find you have this ability. Ease up on your daughter, trust your intuition, experience and inner knowledge, you of all ppl will be the first to know when this danger is present, trust me, you will know.

Answer 2

Well I certainly understand wanting and even Needing to protect your baby,

BUT eventually your gonna have to let her go,

I can tell you I honestly NEVER left my child with anyone I thought was Questionable,

Excuses I have made,

Oh dear My husband would KILL me,
Oh thats OK,

I will call you

Of course I trust you,

How about next time

If i have an appt I take my kids with me,
I even have taken them INTO the OBgyn ROOM
whilst they were babies

And I have to tell you my husband never complains,

Here is my suggestion, ONLY leave her with people you DO TRUST, people you know for a fact will not hurt her,

Go with the GUT, and don't mention anything of the sort to your husband,

As far as his family, Well you do need to let granny and auntie
look after her once in a while , BUT schedule it,

Eg, if you have an appt, ask them to watch her, its only an hour, this way they think you trust them, and she is still safe,

i finally started letting my oldest son out at 8 years old,

But never earlier than that

I check the pedofile list every 6 months, and i know where they live,

these are easy ways to check things,

I really don't see anything wrong with being over protective unless your stifling HER, and I am sure your husband wouldn't let you do that.


Trust you GUT

M

Answer 3

I also went through the same as you but in time that over protectiveness will not be as bad.I have two children now and when my first born arrived i was exactly the same as you but as time goes by you learn to channel that energy into being your child's rock and being the best parent you can possibly be.
It is not such a bad thing to be a bit over protective after all there are some really strange people/family members out their and i wish my mother was more aware to what was going on in her own home

good luck in the future

Answer 4

With time youll give a little more each day and become a little less protective of her. What youre doing (no matter how good the intention) will actually push her away from you as she will feel smothered and rebel against it, especially when she reaches her teen years. Theres only so much you can do to keep her safe 24 hrs a day and she does need to learn things on her own.Allyou can do is pray that you have instilled enough good morals in her for her to understand danger and what to do about it if it happens. I personally have no doubt that you have already begun and will continue to do this in her already. Now if we can only get more parents to feel the way you do. Good luck

Answer 5

What you really need is counseling, I bet you never went for that when you became of age where you could help yourself, what you went through is spilling into your adult life, and it is ruling your life, don't let this happen, go get help so you don't damage your daughter and make her feel distrustful of everyone around her, by not getting counseling, you are only passing on something that was ugly and very bad in your life, I bet you are the type of person who cant accept love, or hugs or anything freely because of what happened to you, and for that I am very sorry for you, although you are not to blame for this, but don't keep it going to pass from one generation to the next, get your help now, so your daughter can grow up and have trust and love in her life.

Answer 6

Make sure she is only looked after by people u trust use ur motherly instinct, and then trust in God.

Answer 7

Just don't leave her alone with men you don't know...not too much more you can do.