I have been with my man for 14 years and we have definitely had our share of problems. We had a major melt down about 2 years ago and ever since then we've been getting along fairly well. But lately, he's been acting really sneaking and I think he's up to his old tricks again.
We have 3 kids, so I try not to make it a matter of breaking up, but I feel I'm only left with two choices...break up with him (and potentially damage the kids) or stay with him and *possibly* cheat on him. I've never cheated on him before, but something in the back of mind wants to let him know that two can play that game. I know it's not right, but I don't know what else to do...
2007-11-22 02:18:26 · 19 answers · asked by doit4fun 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
for the record, we are married....
2007-11-22 05:24:46 · update #1
It sounds like it's time to break up, to me. There is no trust, obviously a lot of anger and resentment, and clearly problems that have not been resolved, just glossed over.
As for the kids...they will adjust. Surely it would be better than being in a home where there is fighting, lying, and cheating going on. That's not a very good relationship model for them to be watching. And, trust me, kids pick up on EVERYTHING around them, you're not hiding as much as you may think.
If you break up with him, that opens to the door to another possible future relationship that is more healthy, which would be a wonderful thing for your kids to see: here's mom, letting go of what's unhealthy and finding something better that meets her needs! Hey, I can do that, too! Best of luck to you.
2007-11-22 02:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not seek to be on his level. If you do cheat,what are you teaching your kids about dignity and sef-respect? During this time, look out for your kids interest, because with time they will see the right and wrong in the situation. I am 16 years old and my parents divorced when I was 13. Because one cheated,the other thought it was fair to cheat too. This caused my siblings and me to resent both of our parents for their actions. Break-ups is not the reason kids can become damaged. It is the amount of love and affection you give that counts. As long as they know they are loved an cared for, in time their wounds will heal. I do warn you,however, this is a very critical time and how you deal with your situation will greatly impact your children. Remember to talk them about your decision and if possibly,seek counseling for maybe the whole famly. Good luck and God bless you.
2007-11-22 02:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well all you have right now is a feeling and as much as you should trust your intuition, I would be finding proof first , or you are going to look pretty silly if he isn't then you get caught out. Two wrongs do not make a right and what example and effects are you going to show your children if you go ahead and have an affair. These are games that should not be played where kids are involved. Either confront him or get proof, but do not lower yourself to his level if he is, the only person you hurt is you and the kids, and its not fair to the guy you are using to teach your hubby a lesson.
2007-11-22 02:28:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Breaking up is best for the kids so that they learn that it is not right when one spouse cheats on another and getting the divorce is the best revenge as well what with the child support he will be paying and the fact that he will probably try to sweet talk you into forgiving him but this is a case of fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!! make sure that your suspicions are correct and then dump him!!
2007-11-22 03:11:21 · answer #4 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to admit that when i first got divorced it was hard but the first time i seen my ex with a new girlfriend i to went a little nuts and did things I'm not very proud of but i was very hurt and not thinking very clear so give her some time to get over the pain and she will just go away. IF things get worse call the police and put a restraining order against her. in my own defense i never touched anyone personal accounts DJB
2016-05-25 00:27:30 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Revenge cheating is never a good idea...why stoop to his level? Since there are kids involved, think of them first and the example you are setting. You are the ir best advocate. Take them and start over in a healthy environment.
2007-11-22 03:19:39 · answer #6 · answered by that judi 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cheating or Revenge only weakens YOUR soul; there's no guarantee the person you are trying to hurt will be affected by your Revenge.
Release yourself from the situation and step back. Life has a way of leading a person into situations where they 'pay' for what they do.
2007-11-22 02:24:09 · answer #7 · answered by Sergio 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
IF YOU CHEAT, YOU WON'T CHEAT ON HIM BUT ON YOURSELF. That's more damageable.
REVENGE IS NEVER GOOD because you actually hurt yourself more than the one you want to take revenge over.
What can i say ? JUST DON'T BETRAY YOURSELF. WHATEVER YOU CHOSE TO DO,do it accordingly to your values, to your inner person. The choice's yours and you know how bad he hurt you before and how strong the pain can be. But be faithful to yourself. Let life revenge you; nothing's hidden under the son. Sooner than you may think, his actions will come to the light and you will be able to take the right decision for you and the kids, at the right time. Meanwhile, protect yourself sexually and emotionaly. Good luck !
2007-11-22 02:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by Tesse Malou 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to grow up and stop putting up with his mess. you say that you stay for the kids but at what cost. he is showing them to lie, cheat, be sneaky, and you are showing them to accept all of a mans crap no matter what and that is doing more harm than good sweetie. you wanting to play his game is childish and you need to grow up. show them kids a loving safe, honest relationship and if you dont have this than you need to move on for the sake of the KIDS. and what can of message are you sending them by being in a relationship for hundred years and not married but playing house and having all these kids and accepting his crap. lady give me a break. if you feel that you have to play games or get back at him than you need to pack up the kids and leave. apparently he is not happy with the relationship anymore. GodBless
2007-11-22 02:37:50 · answer #9 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom always told me "Two wrongs don't make a right". Break up, get divorced, then start playing the field. But, you have three kids so playing the field isn't very suitable for a good family situation.
2007-11-22 02:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Black Sheep 1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋