we just got married on Nov. 5th of this year. We have never had trust issues in the past. Here and there he enjoys playing hold em at the casino and when he goes, he stays for HOURS! well, he gets off work last night and calls me to tell me he and the guys will be at the casino playing poker. This was around 10pm. It is now 4:53 AM and he is not home and his phone is OFF!!!!!!!!!! Here starts the doubts with me. Anytime he has gone to the casino before, I could ALWAYS reach him. Now I am scared and upset because even if he is at the casino, its thanksgiving and we will be with my family today & he is going to be all tired.
This really hurts right now. Now I can't sleep :(
2007-11-21 22:55:28 · 24 answers · asked by blah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
btw, in the past... guys have ALWAYS cheated on me! (and I know I am FANTASTIC in bed!) Hubby does have a little gambeling problem. His ENTIRE family does. He enjoys it.. he doesnt gamble the house though.
2007-11-21 23:05:44 · update #1
trust is the backbone of marriage,if the phone is off their must be valid reason,just wait and don't be panic,talk to him,and give time to him to explain everything,don't just jump on conclusion,and give a chance to ur marriage,and patience is the key of successful marraige
as for gambling is concern u should deffinetly talk to him
2007-11-21 23:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by sanjhi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is coming from someone else who has a gambling problem, so...
...I would say trust him on this one. If I said that I was going to the casino, then that's where I'd be. If he's as hardcore a gambling as you say he is, then I'm saying this from experience...he'd rather play cards than play with another woman. LOL (not laughing at your situation, but the irony as it pertains to things I've done in the past.)
One time I went to "McDonald's" to get "something to eat." Yeah right! This is no joke, but I played blackjack for the next 48 hours. I remember going to the bathroom and having some water and soda, but I can't recall if I ate anything during that time.
Getting back ot the heart of the problem here, you need to tell him that if he expects you to fully trust him, then he better not turn off his phone. I don't think you're being a nag by worrying about him, especially if you have plans to meet family on Thanksgiving. Another thing...I hope he fixes his problem before you two have any children.
Update: For JadeyOz who posted below me - you could put an insomniac to sleep! STFU! You're going to type that sort of lengthy diatribe only to say that you don't feel her question is valid? What a loser!
2007-11-22 07:16:49 · answer #2 · answered by Mike T 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
By the sounds of it the only other love in his life is gambling, you knew this when you married him Hun . You cant change a person into what you think they should be, he has to do that himself, until he admits he has a problem there is nothing you can do. You are married now so in his eyes you have accepted his gambling, you did say for better or for worse right?
Talk to him, explain you were worried, maybe he didn't even know his phone was turned off, you cant nag to much as i say as you knew this existed, just be patient , talk to him and offer to get him some help but he wont until he is ready or he loses something so dear to him that he wakes up and faces this issue, lets hope that is not you.
2007-11-22 07:15:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to help you start dealing with life and reality with 3 little secrets you might not know:
1. There is no Santa Claus
2. Life is not fair
3. All men cheat
Now grow up and deal with reality. As far as your man goes if you can figure out this next question you can figure out whether he is cheating or not. Are you ready? What is 2 plus 2? Think about it for a few hours if you can get the answer right HE IS CHEATING. Happy Thanksgiving!!!
2007-11-22 09:19:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
first. dont relate your past with this new dude, cuz i think you're thinking has gon way passt limit. i once read somewhere on the net that us women we love to create images in our minds, n we always connect every situation or action to a meaning. it does not mean that if your past guys cheated on you n he will also. erase that in your head.
you said it yourself that he has a gambling prob.
so he probably is busy gambling... n if its like this is the first time his fone is off while he'z out at the casino, dont worry yourself about it. but if the next day his fone is off then again the next night.. now its ok to be worrying. but if its the first time... i dont see a reason why you should, when he gets bak just ask him for explanations. i think the prob here is that maybe you're relatin your past too much with your future. wats done is done and gone. n dont bring it up today.. cuz it will ruin your future. n dont mention the cheating idea when he gets back, cuz it might turn out bad. but do scold him but do it the next day when he is perfectly fit.
2007-11-22 07:57:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you stop wondering and just go and see him gamble at the casino. He should stop it though - it will eventually reach to the house, car and anything else he may decide to give up for the game.
2007-11-22 07:27:33 · answer #6 · answered by Brown'n 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The whole point of Question's and Answer's is having a place we can come and vent our problems , ask for help and take on board the advice given and be able to process the BS from the real people wanting to help the situation , while not all Question'ers actually heed the advice after processing it and use it to make their live's less stressful and more comfortable / manageable a lot of people do actually move on after the advice is given.
When I give advice it's usually based on a double sided coin , I tend to give the side where the problem is real and does need tending to and advise moving on and giving yourself time to mourn the loss of a marriage or a loved 1 and then taking up some hobbies like art classes or theatre group's , what ever is needed to rebuild the self esteem and the inner soul.
On the other side of the coin I give the negative , where I dont totally believe 100% that the question is actually viable or true and honest , like when someone just gets bored and basically writes a question that sounds like something out of a story they read some where.
Question'ers dont feel the need to give name's , not their real name's anyway's , so they use letter 's like L or J , or acronyms like Joe and Martha
For this question I am afraid even though it may get me many thumbs down , I feel that this question is not worth giving any other answer bar the answer I am giving because cheating should never be discussed like a fun topic it causes to much pain and harm to individual people.
2007-11-22 07:20:16 · answer #7 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 2⤊ 4⤋
listen, just trust your man and don't stress him.... you two will be married for ever... so that like married for another 50 years..... you can't keep worring about him cheating on you... the only thing I can say, is that if he is cheating on you, you can tell by the way he treats you... and not just for a day... I mean for months or weeks...
yeah, guys cheat as you konw, but it's not cause they don't love thier woman... it's cause thats what we have been doing since we were like 16...
anywayz... he's probably gambling... not cheating... next time when he gets home, smell him... if he smells like cheap hotel room soap, then I would start questioning him.... otherwise, relax, enjoy the holidays!
2007-11-22 07:43:36 · answer #8 · answered by Latin G 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmm, is he cheating or is he gambling? Neither scenario would be acceptable. It sounds as if you need to have a serious sit down with him and explain to him how you feel about it. If he doesn't show a willingness to change the behavior, it might be best to bail out now before you have years invested in a relationship that brings nothing but heartache in one form or another. Good luck.
2007-11-22 07:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by Slimsmom 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off, what do you expect? You married a man who is obviously not ready to be a husband. Cheating or not, he still wants to behave like a single man. This is not how married people treat each other. You need to demand marriage counseling and get to the root of why he feels the need to be away from the home instead of worrying about cheating or not as the big issue is did you marry someone who doesn't want to be married.
2007-11-22 07:00:44 · answer #10 · answered by James Watkin 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋