My husband thinks I lie, betray him and he has no trust in me even when I update him in all ma mvments.?

Question

I call him 4 times in a day to avoid him suspecting that am not at work. But he still feels I cheat on him and now it is hurting me coz i have never seen another man's nakedness ever since i knew him 3 years ago. I feel like double crossing him coz it pains to branded what u r not. Please help.

Answer 1

you guys need counseling because that is not right to have that unhealthy of a marriage

Answer 2

Well here it is I don't believe that counseling will do him any good jealousy is very ugly for one if he is not cheating on you then he has very low self esteem and there is not anything that you can do change that only he can he has to be the one to find away to be alright with himself and his women issues. I do believe that you should try talking to him about the way that he makes you feel and if that does not work than you need to go your seperate ways because things will only get worse. Don't give him a reason to act the way that he is you can't live with the way that he is now why would you for one second believe that you could handle him if you were to cheat on him? Two wrongs don't make a right even if he makes you feel like going to that extreme. I know this from experience my husband would call me 12 times a day from work just to verify what I was doing. Guess what we are divorced and I found a wonderful man that trusts me with all of his might.

Answer 3

It is very sad that the man who is supposed to love and trust you does not seem to embody those charateristics. A marriage without trust is not much of a marriage and a man that is causing you this much pain may not be the best husband for you. If you have tried to speak to him and nothing changed, he is selfish and not listening to your needs - you deserve better. You cannot live your life under such a cloud as these type of situations, on the whole, tend to deteriorate. A paranoid, untrusting man that is checking up on you, not believing you etc is not treating you as a wife and life partner, rather he is treating you as an enemy, as an object of suspicion.

Consider your options and if you cannot find a way to deal with these issues - HIS issues - together, maybe it is time to opt out. I just hope his emotional torture does not develop into more physically voilent tendencies too. Do you have a friend of family member you could speak to - sometimes it needs somebody outside of the relationship/marriage to see what is going on more objectively. Consider counselling - for yourself, or as a couple if you think he will cooperate. If you don't believe he will change - and if this has been ongoing in 3 years of marriage it's unlikley he'll change - then being single or finding a new partner would be healthier for you. Do not let him continue to drag you down. Many people, especially women, find themselves caught up in similar relationships and situations - see if there are any local support groups you could join - sometimes it helps to know you are not alone and that others ~DO care about you and your feelings. I wish you well and hope you make decisions and choices that are right for you - good luck

Answer 4

I'm not going to say go to counseling because I know that means HE has to want it to work also. What he wants is a puppy, some sort of 'pet' to control. If you married him out of your free will ( did you?) then he should be confident that he is who you want and the controlling behavior is NOT acceptable. Who is worried about not seeing another man naked? You or him? Figure this out..it will not get any easier trust me I've been there. I know what its like to be accused to the point of actually wanting to cheat. No one deserves that honey, RUN ....get the hell out of dodge. Life is for the living not to be miserable. Best wishes to you. Don't allow him making you feel guilty to force you to stay with him...you can do better.

Answer 5

I understand how you feel and what you are going through.

My situation is just like yours, except I don't work. My boyfriend has trust issues and he believes I lie to. In the past I have lied, but a lie is a lie, and its made things they way they are. Plus he holds alot of things that I did before I met him against me. He brings up things from my past that didn't even deal with him. He feels like I can convert back to my old ways.

I do the same thing. But I call more than four times a day. When he says certain things like, I believe you would cheat and I believe you want to be with someone esle, it hurts. He doesn't realize that saying things like that continuosly. It makes you want to go out and do something, but then its like f*ck that, I'm gone prove him wrong, cause he is wrong. Its like he is pushing you away by saying all these things. Its hard girl. Trust me I know.

But if you love your man and you want to be with. Take the advantage of proofing his a** wrong. Proof to him that you are not that type of person and that he is your one and only. My boyfriend is the only other male that I've been with, but he thinks that I want every male that comes across the tv and that I want to sleep with him (lord, please don't discuss stuff like this with them, cause they swear you will compare) and that sh*t is frustrating.

Girl, the only thing that you can do is to continue to be you and stay true to you and your man and prove his a** wrong. Cause thats what I do everyday. Prove his a** wrong. If you really love him, you will stay true to him. Over time, things will get better. He will learn to trust you, just don't do anything that will betray his trust or it will make things go south.

Take care hun. I know how it is and how feel. I hope I've helped. If you need to talk, email me. Also, alot of people will say that you are crazy for being this relationship and that you should get out. Alot of people are in the same type of relationship or have been in the same type of relationship (but won't admit it). I feel like you have to work for what you want and if you don't want it, you won't get it. And just because he is checking up on you, doesn't mean that he is cheating.

Answer 6

In addition to what everyone else is saying.. I would like to ask what are YOU getting out of this situation? What's the payoff for you.. Does having to call him all the time also reassure YOU?.
Maybe you are also very insecure .
With couples, sometimes one acts out what the other is hiding... like one will be having angry outbursts all the time while the other seems calm and passive, but it often turns out that the quiet one is quietly seething and leaving the other to Act it out.
Problems are rarely down to one partner.
You need to see a counselor, preferably together but if not, you must get help alone.

Answer 7

Your husband sounds like a control freak that has no self esteem. His problem not yours.

Tell him that he shouldn't feel he's not good enough for you because you wouldn't have married him if you didn't love him.

Turn the tables woman, tell him he's got to have more confidence in himself.

I'd tell you to leave him but you won't.

Don't cheat....I know what you mean about being accused of something you haven't done, but it's not worth it.

Just learn to turn the tables and be more ascertive, because if you've only been married 3 years and you've got this problem, just think what the rest of your married life's going to be like..

Sort it out now before it gets worse.

Answer 8

he is pushing his insecurities on to you, Either he has cheated in the past or had it done to him, either way this is his problem that he is now trying to make yours, this is not a marriage its a prison sentence,he needs to seek help for this, maybe some marriage counseling and therapy to build his self confidence and low self esteem. All you can do is try to help him, please do not do what he thinks you are already, as this will just confirm his feelings that you were cheating all along, this is not the answer as tempting as it is. it is not up to you to prove you are not cheating, if he thinks you are let him prove it, stop calling him 4 times a day, you are just feeding his need, tell him, he can think what he likes until he gets some help you are no longer going to pander to his whims, if he wants to know if you are at work let him call you, let him come to your work etc etc.

Answer 9

Where there is smoke there is usually fire and you fed his insecurities by making the phone calls as often and as many time's as you do , your his wife not his teenage daughter.

Seriously sitting down and explaining how his behaviour make's you feel wont do jack except give him more reason to believe the fear that you have cheated , what did you do to gain his mis-trust? when did his thought that you cheated on him start? you know why he feel's this way something triggered it and your not telling us .That's fine we dont need to know , it's your guilt that will keep you in this hole you dug while we sleep soundly at night.

The fact your stating your tempted to have an affair is clear proof of my statement above , I know how they think my husband was a cheat.

I'd like to say I believe you and your husband is a jerk , but I am to jaded to believe these accusations started out of nothing and came out of no where sorry .And on this 1 he definetly did not and is not cheating on you so ignore the silly twit above who said he is.

Good luck and have a nice day / night.

Answer 10

You husband is very insecure. He is insecure with you, because of something you did. You have to communicate and become really close. You have to talk and ask questions. Why is he feeling that way? Why he has no trust in you? Why is he disrespecting you like that? What can you do to make him feel comfortable and really close to you?

You can solve his problem. You have the control, so you have to tell him that his insecurities are ruining your relationship. You are not cheating on him and if he doesn't believe that and he doesn't trust you, it's going to ruin the marriage! Tell him it's a big turn-off and eventually it may cause you to have to look for a man that loves, respects and trusts you.

Answer 11

His constant monitoring of you is only going to push you away and he has to realise that. Tell him that if he does not start sorting out his head and figuring out what has made him like this, then you will have to reconsider the marriage, because this will only destroy you in the end. He cannot know where you are 24/7! None of us can with our partners. He needs to get over this and sort it out!