I had a Dream that was haunting and beautiful I wrote some prose and would like comments?

Question

I had the most amazing dream and although I have an idea what it means, I turned it into a piece of prose.
The style plays with wording,structure and occasionally defies rules in order to convey the fluidity of a dream which was realistic but also jumped from place to place and had a surreal and ghostly feel.

GRATEFUL for comments, thoughts and criticisms. Here is the link to the short piece entitled Ramshackle Beach Hut In the Sun
http://meanderingtrevor.blogspot.com/search?q=ramshackle+beach+shack

Answer 1

It sounds like to me that maybe you was Astral Traveling

The Astral Projection


This is where the astral body is projected into the astral dimension, where things are quite different from the real world. Time is distorted and extended, i.e., an hour in the astral can be like a few minutes in the physical dimension, depending on what part of the astral you are in. Reality is fluid and changeable.

http://www.v-j-enterprises.com/rbruce1.html

Love & Blessings
Milly

Answer 2

Your dream sounds alot more interesting than what you wrote.

There is no such a thing as a 'ramshackle beach house'; what I mean by that is that the lack of attention to detail, and the use of cliches, pulls against the strength of the story.

Details, as in all things, make the story. What color was the shack, how far up the beach, what color wood, what color roof, what kind of condition (some boards loose or all nailed good,) what about the background?

Its interesting that you remembered the color of his eyes, but failed to mention anything else particularly significant about him. Whether in dreams or astral travels, what the person remembers often has a clue as to why they remembered what they did.

Looking into a person's eyes signifies intimacy and identification (try looking a stranger in the eye and you'll see what I mean) so you're being able to notice what color eyes he has suggests that either you shared his experience or he shared yours. Old phones could mean lost connections (which is why they are old) but one's response to the phone could also indicate how one feels reconnecting: fondness and regret or revulsion and difficulty.

Another thing to keep in mind is that it is very possible for one to slip between dreams and astral travel, so the haphazzardness of some of the imagery could be dreams while the solidity of the other could signify travel. And even dreams of astral travel often have symbolic significance to them: just as you plan a trip to Greece for a reason, so too do you astral travel for a reason.

You mention the 'lonliness' of the place, yet you also describe the place very romantically; there seems to be a conflict within the very landscape itself. Nothing in this world, or the next, can truly be two different things at once (on/off, hot/cold, light/dark) but if we are uncomfortable with one reaction, it is often possible for our minds to connect with the experience with its opposite: we think the landscape is 'lovely' but because we are afraid to admit it, we then interpret it as being 'lonely' as well. Lonely and lovely are two different responses, which is why they are spelled differently, so understanding the discrepancy between those two is probably the root of the dream, as does the conflict between past/present/future.

The question of 'where is the man' can also be answered by the question 'who cut the telephone' since they are related.

Answer 3

Wow, that was good man, all I wanna know is WHO THE HELL WAS HE??!!! Seriously, though, that's part of the charm of this mystery character, kinda the same reason I think Eastwood westerns are so cool, ya know, a stranger blows in, no name, no past, OOOH! I just thought this, you walked in on his beach- what if you're the stranger to him.

Answer 4

Awesome. Thank you for sharing it.