How to get over being painfully shy?

Question

I've always been very shy. I have a feeling it has something to do with having low self-esteem. I find when I'm talking to people I don't know well that I get extremely nervous and tense. I feel as if they're judging me on every single thing I say and do. I only have a small handful of friends because of this and I find it's becoming a bit of problem now that I'm in college and have a job where I have to deal with a lot of people. Any advice for overcoming this? Thanks everyone. :)

Not sure what's up with that link? lol Thanks everyone else though. I realize there is no miracle answer but you've all mentioned some things that I believe will help the next time I'm in a situation where I'm nervous like that. :)

Answer 1

I used to be really shy but I had to got over it fairly quickly. (As a kid I even was too shy to answer the telephone...lols)
The three things that helped me get over my shyness.
1. Football Manager during highschool
2. Speech class in college (made a big difference later)
3. My current job dealing w/ customers/random joes daily

Yeah my true friends can be counted on one hand.

IMHO
You shouldnt worry about other people judging you on what you say or do. That shouldnt affect you one bit. In reality what is that really going to accomplish on what they think.....nothing. If your trying to act like others would like you then your trying to hard. Most people will be able to tell that your faking it and not acting like yourself.

The key - R E L A X E - :P

In class just kinda talk to your classmates about w/e. If your at work working with people and want to initialize a conver. Just say "Hows it going"...(wait for response) Then go from there.
There are so many different ways to get over it. You really have to try to find one yourself that works in your current situation. My ways might not even work for you. :( Its not going to be an overnight thing. It does take time. Some things here and there will help....but it took two years for me to be 100% unshy.

Added
The bar thing just doesnt work for everyone. Thats a totally different type of atmosphere.

Answer 2

I don't do crowds well. I don't do intimate well either. I don't have any friends that live near me. The number of people I can truly call a friend is less than five. The last time I saw one of my firends was seven years ago. My hearing has pretty much failed me and so, life is kind of quiet for me. Still, often times I get called upon to be a "leader" of many (I'm retired military). Currently, I'm in charge of my son's Cub Scout Pack. I'm the big kahuna over all of the dens. How do I handle it? First, I have an assistant that works very closely with me. I set up a chain of command -- not to make myself inaccessable, but so that things have a chance to get smoothed out at lower levels. If it comes to my attention, I put on a face and try not to reveal myself too much. Several weeks ago, I took the guys camping. We had to share our camp site. There was no leadership in the other group. My lowers tried to handle the infractions (and there were many -- unattended camp fire during a state wide burn ban, etc.). It finally got to a point where I had to step up and lay down the law. I put on what I call my Gen. Patton face and went to town on them.
All I guess I can offer, is to put on a face.

Answer 3

I understand what you're going through. I dont have a magic solution, but it really comes down to knowing who you are and being okay with yourself, regardless of what other people think. There will be people out there who will judge whether or not you did anything wrong... dont let it get to you. The more confident you are, the more people will want to be around you. The more needy you are, the more rejection you'll face based on that alone. That is something i've had to find out the hard way. You're gorgeous, and i'm not just saying that... you look flawless in your pics.... just find the confidence from within by finding yourself and letting go of what other people think.
It sounds like you're hard on yourself... and you prob judge yourself a lot more harshly than anyone else.
I've been there... really I have. Except people think that i'm the most outgoing bubbely person...but i'm not. It used to be really bad... i would constantly be battling within myself and beating myself up emotionally for days over something "dumb" i said... but i've gotton past that... and now i just dont care anymore what people think.

Answer 4

I had a friend with the same problem and we solved it (just about) like this. Go to a bar/cafe/whatever together. The we'd start having a discussion and I'd say something obviously wrong: like Paris is in Italy. That was the queue for my friend to turn to the people on the next table and say "can you just settle an argument for me my friend says X.
People are almost always happy to reply if it's a simple question. And my friend always looked clever (and me stupid). We did this every time we went out and soon she had got really used to talking to strangers. Took some persuading, though.

Answer 5

Hey u sound alot like me. I am extremely shy aswell. I am not shy around my friends but whenever I meet new people I am very shy and even around people I know sometimes. However I dont feel as though they are judging me every second. Maybe you could talk to someone about this and try and get some help. Also maybe goin out more and socializing may help build up your confidence abit more.

Answer 6

i used to be painfully shy too. then i realized that when i talked, people were looking at me, but they were not judging. they were simply listening. and when they talked, i wasnt judging either. you just need to realize that you are gorgeous (god doesnt make mistakes. everyones gorgeous) and that it is ok to laugh at yourself. if you make a mistake giving an oral report, after its over, laugh it off. And during any oral report you come across, just think about how every person before you survived it and was perfectly fine. then assure yourself that you know your material, and that when you finish, the truth is, virtually no one except for your teacher will even remember what you spoke about. so just be ok with laughing at yourself, and you will be fine.
i followed these tips, and i now interpretive dance in front of my class for extra credit, love giving oral reports, am a camera hog, have a huge group of friends, and have the lead in the school play.
<3

Answer 7

i use to be kinda quiet and reserved but as i got older i came out of my shell. I was in the military where i taught medical classes to lots of people, taught Dr's and Nurses combat medicine. Now if i go to a new place i might be quiet for a few minutes till i get a feel then bam im off to meet everyone. Sometimes i still feel people judge me or they might think im weird but i could care less. Maybe they just admiring your sexyness cause thats what i think they do to me ;-)

Answer 8

when you meet someone it only takes them 1/100th of a second to judge you. Thats there first impression. So just think of that. They've already decided what they think about you. So you have nothing to lose. they either already like you or they don't. YOu just got to go for it.
I used to be incredibly shy myself.

Answer 9

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Answer 10

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