I didn't pursue him. Well, not really. I flirted with him but I never acted on anything. He came to me. He kissed me first. He told me things about his marriage and his wife that made him miserable. He called me. He arranged times for us to meet each other. He initiated the sex. He told me that he loved me. He charmed the pants off of me (literally)! He said all of the things that I needed and wanted to hear. He used me for sex and then he bailed on me when things got tough.
So, why am I entirely to blame for everything? I wasn't there by myself. Why doesn't he get blamed for his part?
2007-11-21 16:24:10 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
u had a choice and u acted on it as well as him. being naive doesn't take the blame off of u. u will emerge from this a little bit smarter and less trusting, but that's exactly the way we learn is to suffer pain because of our actions. he is just as guilty, u are guilty because u knew he was married and u could have said no.
2007-11-21 23:11:51 · answer #1 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are luring a man away from his wife and even if he came to you, you should have the sense to tell him to go back to his wife and to leave you alone. You are both to blame and will not beable to build happiness at the expense of a family or a relationship. Besides its obvious by listening to one side of a story that you are being wooed for sex and nothing more! This man is a manipulatoer and control freak especially if he is trating you like a queen. Chances are when he is tired of you he will go right back to wifey. Trust me I have seen it often enough to tell you that you never shake off the wife or the kids - they will become your problem too. Is this what you want? Wake up little suzy!!!!
Also remember the bible says: "Let no man (woman) break what God has put together" this is in regard to marriage.
If you are found to be the alluring person and the one who caused the break, I wouldnt like to have to answer to God for that one! Wheels do turn because what you sow you reap. If he can do this to his wife, what will he do to you one day?
2007-11-21 16:58:56 · answer #2 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your fault, plain and simple! You should have told him not to bother, you let him charm you, you made the choices. Had you have told him to "hit the road" like you should have done in the first place, then you wouldn't be in the mess you are in. It does take 2 but the buck should have stopped with YOU when he hit on you the first time. What goes around, comes around and one day you will most probably find out what it's like to be in his wifes shoes, to know her man has been sleeping around with some cheap skank, because that's what you are ... and all girls like you.
It isn't too late to take ownership of what you have created, take the punishment that the universe will give you, then put it all behind you and make a new start, focusing on being a better you. He will get what he deserves... eventually!
Maybe it's time to start being a better you?
2007-11-21 16:48:06 · answer #3 · answered by Shazela 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are both to blame. He is the one his wife should blame. He took vows and made promises to her that he did not keep. The thing with married men is they lie. Most of what he told you about his wife and his marriage are not true. You only know what he tells you and you take him at his word. First mistake. He is a cheater and a liar so he is good at it. Most of them are only using you for sex. Some of them even have good marriages. (So their wives thought) Put yourself in her shoes. If he were your husband would you still have to same point of view on the subject? If she is the one blaming you a lot of women do that. It is easier to blame you than to think that it was their husbands fault that he cheated.
2007-11-21 16:33:56 · answer #4 · answered by kim h 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To set the record straight you're not the only one to blame....however "He arranged times for us to meet each other. You made the CHOICE to show up.
He initiated the sex. You made the CHOICE to participate
He told me that he loved me. You CHOSE to believe him.
He charmed the pants off of me (literally)! He said all of the things that I needed and wanted to hear. You CHOSE to be gullible.
He used me for sex and then he bailed on me when things got tough. You CHOSE to be used for sex.
When you make those kinds of choices you're going to be blamed.
2007-11-21 21:26:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing little girl, married men are off limits. Yes, you are to blame because you didn't tell this guy to go home to his wife. You flirted with him and obviously you gave off the "I'm available" vibe and he got what he wanted from you and then dumped you. You walked into this relationship with your eyes wide open, girl. You can't begin to explain to anyone that has an ounce of sense, that this married man should be half to blame. The only person you have to face is yourself. You are supposed to be responsible for your own actions. You could have had the common decency to leave another woman's husband alone, even if he comes across as "UNhappily" married. Was he even married? Or was that a lie too? Guys keep getting away with this same story line. I find it baffling that intelligent woman can still be duped by a philandering no good cheat. I feel for ya sweetie but....................
2007-11-21 16:43:37 · answer #6 · answered by talon 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Men get away with everything which is why they cheat. Women are supposed to be smarter than men. If he hated his wife he wouldn't be married . They know the wife is not going to leave. They just sat honey I'm so sorry and they stop cheating for a while and start back when the coast is clear with someone else. The bible has stories of men being "seduced" like they have no control so people believe it.
2007-11-21 16:33:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know from the very beginning that he is married. I don't want to judge you but being a mature person we have to responsible for our own actions. Every decision you made be it wrong or right has a consequence. It happened because you let it. You have a choice to avoid it but when you said that you flirted with him you already made a decision. Just a sisterly advice, stop it as early as possible and remember people will not judge you for how many times you fall but how you get up each time you fall.
2007-11-21 16:53:13 · answer #8 · answered by Princess 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The both of you are to blame, he is a piece of sh*t for one, and obviously should have never married in the first place, and if you wanted no part of this you would have put an end to it before it started. Sorry to say, but you are at fault just as much as he is.
2007-11-21 16:33:10 · answer #9 · answered by peyton31602 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
ok, think on this.
He's no longer in your life.
He is not grieving for you.
He doesn't have you renting space in his head.
Your life goes on.
Yeah, hey, there's the blaming & revenge thing.
But, do you move forward with that?
Does your life really improve any?
There are decent men out there that would appreciate an opportunity to get to know you who are not married and honest.
If you are not in a funk about Mr. Cruddy, you may get into a position to meet and get to know them.
So, yeah, have a pity party about it.
Then, clean up the used pizza box and the empties, and do for you. Be you. The wonderful you.
And watch what can happen....
2007-11-21 16:32:41 · answer #10 · answered by ceviche queen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋