I think my g/f may have gotten pregnant on purpose and im looking for some advice on how to ask her about it?

Question

my g/f and i have been dating for about 4 and a half yrs, she's 29, im 22 and a half. About 2 weeks ago she informed me that she was preg and will be keeping the baby. she was on the pill the whole time we were dating (allegedly) so i never used a condom or any other type of birth control. i have a few reasons why i think she got preg on purpose the main one being that i ran into a friend of hers yesterday who congratulated me and said she was happy for us b/c "she knew how much my g/f wanted a baby" which was news to me! i just graduated from college and have a good job now and my g/f has been out of college for 7 yrs so financially this isnt a problem, i just am in no way ready to be a dad b/c of the huge change that bringing a child into the world will have on someone's life. just a few month ago she and i were talking about how neither one of us is ready for marriage yet so that isnt an option. on top of this, my mom is gonna kill me! any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanx.

Answer 1

I think you should just calmly ask her (but don't accuse her or get angry) if she did, and then tell her just what you said - that you're not ready to be a father because of the huge responsibility. If she did get pregnant on purpose, don't get angry at her and try to see things from her point of view, but tell her how upset that makes you. Hopefully she won't get upset.

Answer 2

If you have been having an intimate relationship with someone for 4 and a half years, you should know enough about them to know what they really want and something about their integrity. Is your girlfriend willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants?

On the other hand, how could two college graduates been stupid enough to rely on only one kind of birth control, especially one as unreliable as the pill? If you were really serious about not having children, you should have been using at least three methods of birth control. The pill, diaphragm, and condoms together is a reliable combination. If you really don't like condoms, you could use spermicidal jelly instead, as long as you use the other two.

A 29 year old woman is expected to want a baby, so she might of told her friend that because it would be socially unacceptable to say otherwise. But it could be that she didn't feel she could be honest with you, or that she wasn't sure whether she wanted a baby or not. But if you were paying the least amount of attention the last 4 and a half years, you should have some clue as to the truth. Or maybe you didn't want to know.

In any case, its academic now. Your on the hook for the next 18 years or so. With DNA testing, financially it doesn't matter whether you step up and marry her or not. Your going to pay. But the pregnancy does press the issue to the point that you will have to decide one way or the other whether your going to get married. And yes, your mom is going to kill you. She might even call you a name or two.

If you announce an engagement and a wedding date, that would get you off the hook with your parents, but thats a long way to go just to avoid a lecture.

Answer 3

Yeah, it kinda does sound like she did this. Now, it can't be said for sure because I have actually known ppl who have gotten pregnant on the pill. She also could have slipped up and by accident missed a pill which you can't blame her for cause things happen. Don't totally take her friends congrats as a clue that she may have done this on purpose. I have told my friends I want a baby, like when we walk down the street and sew an adorable baby or something but I def don't want kids for years. So with all that in mind I still wonder about your g/f. Especially cause she is older. She may feel she is really ready and that her time to get pregnant could be running out. And a young stable guy like you could be a perfect option. I would first ask her if she missed any pills, just casually ask. If she says no, play stupid and be like well, how did you get pregnant then? If she says I don't know, then I would jokingly crack a comment like Oh, said what, did you do this intentionally?! And then laugh a little. See what she says. If yous still don't get an answer then I would just flat out ask her. Sorry bud, this kinda sucks, especially not being able to trust your g/f. I hope everything works out and either way I am sure you will have a beautiful baby.

Answer 4

Communication is key. . .

You might want to start out the converstation with "Weren't you on the pill?". And you need to talk about marriage again. Don't you want to marry the mother of your child? I can't believe someone who said they weren't ready for marriage is going to get pregnant on purpose, but I hold marriage high. You both need to get every thing your feeling out there in the open and try to make this a pleasant experience. After all every baby is a miracle.

Your a big boy. . . Your mom might freak but you ARE 22 not 16 so there isn't much she can do about it.

Honestly you shouldn't have relayed so heavily on someone else being responsible for birth control. It takes two to tango. It takes two to make sure Mr. Sperm doesn't meet Ms. Egg. But that's done and over with so no reason to harp on it.

This baby is your responsibility even if she was silly enough to do something this horrid. . . . Which I know you know that but I'm just saying.

Good Luck and Congratulations.

Answer 5

If you are not ready to be a dad then you should not have had sex or at least used a condom in addition to birth control pills. You are as much at fault as anyone as it takes TWO to make a baby. Even if she did get pregnant on purpose you must always realize that someone could easily do this so that means CONDOM at all times unless you are willing to risk a pregnancy. You and your girlfriend should have already talked about what you would do if she accidently got pregnant but from the way your post reads it sounds like that plan was never discussed. Learn from your mistake and start acting like an adult. Asking your girlfriend if she did it on purpose is not going to solve anything since you didn't use a condom.

Answer 6

Wow, that's a tough one! Express your concerns to her and ask her how she thinks this happened. The pill isn't 100% effective against pregnancy. Are you sure she was taking the pill on a regular basis? Maybe she stopped using it or skipped some days? You should always use a condom in addition to the pill if you aren't ready for parenthood. You can never be too careful. I knew someone that had sex while on the pill and using a condom and she still got pregnant. So, there's always that chance. Then again, you knew that this could happen. Sex is always a risk. Maybe not having sex until you are ready for what comes along with it would be your best option. Best of luck!

Answer 7

Well it is a little to late to worry about if she did on purpose or not that will not change the fact that she is pregnant. I do not think is fair to trick somebody into being a parent but both parties are responsible for safe sex so I say you both are equally responsible.

Remember this is YOUR child she is carrying and you are half responsible for this child's care that should be your priority.

Go ahead and tell your parents what has happened they are going to find out anyway and they will respect you more if it comes from you. No they are not going to be happy to get this news but I am sure they will be supportive after they freak out because this is their biological grandchild how mad could they be.

You may want to go to the library or book store and read up on being a new parent. I assume you do not want the g/f to lock you out your child's life.. Trust me one of these days this baby is going to want to know who you are what kind of impression do u plan to leave on your child?

As I have said many times if you are not ready to be a parent do not have sex that is the only sure fire way not to get anyone pregnant I know a day late and a dollar short. We all learn from our mistakes and we all make mistakes and we all make big mistakes but this child was not a mistake and do not ever make them feel that way. Good luck

Answer 8

That would be screwed up if she stopped taking the pill without telling you. It sounds like you are unsure if she did this. You better find out.

Effectiveness

The pill is one of the most effective reversible methods of birth control. Of 100 women who use the pill, only eight will become pregnant during the first year of typical use.* Fewer than one will become pregnant with perfect use.** Maybe slightly less effective for overweight women.


Certain medicines and supplements may make the pill less effective. These include


the antibiotic rifampin. Other antibiotics do not make the pill less effective.

certain anti-fungals that are taken orally for yeast infections

certain anti-HIV protease inhibitors

certain anti-seizure medications

St. John's Wort

Talk to your clinician about the medicines you already take before you get a prescription for any prescription method of birth control.

Vomiting and diarrhea may also keep the pill from working. Ask your clinician for advice. Until you are sure, use an additional method of birth control.

It is very important to remember that the pill does not protect against sexually transmitted infections. Use a latex or female condom along with the pill to reduce the risk of infection.

* Typical use refers to failure rates for use that is not consistent or always correct.
** Perfect use refers to failure rates for use that is consistent and always correct.

Answer 9

nicely, first of all you should have used extra precautions. Did you truly anticipate her to attend till she changed into 40 to have youthful little ones? also i don't think of "SHE" did it on purpose. You both did it by no longer utilising a condom or something else. there is not any longer something you are able to truly do different that take on the duty and get used to being observed as Daddy! if you're truly apprehensive about your mom then it sounds like you've some subject matters there too. you're out of faculty, have a job, have a cushty g/f (for a lengthy time period it sounds like), and also you're apprehensive about what your mom thinks?! i'm 22 and due in 4 weeks with my first newborn, my husband is 27 and my mom did not kill me, she is definitely very excited. you're shocked on how your mom reacts. also, your g/f needs a toddler, and he or she must have not in any respect had to describe to you that she will be able to be protecting it. which could be something someone assumes to start with. She is sufficiently previous to have this toddler without or with you. So if you're no longer waiting then you shouldn't make her experience like she isn't waiting. i imagine in case you are able to make a toddler, be a guy and private as a lot because the responsiblity!

Answer 10

First, you're 22. That's makes you an adult, at least chronologically. But if you are araid your mother is "gonna kill" you, apparently you are not 22 mentally. I can understand your mother being disappointed in you, or concerned about you, or even angry at you. But "kill you"? Not unless she still tucks you in at night.

Second, you've been with this woman for almost 5 years., since you were about 18. You're a college grad and have a good job. Yet you need our advice on "how to ask her" why or how she got pregnant?

I'm glad I'm not your supervisor. I might have a few doubts about your decision-making abilities.

Okay, I'm through beating you up.. So here's the answer you wanted: Ask her how she happened to get pregnant. Seems pretty simple to me.

Answer 11

You're an adult, so your mother has NO SAY in this at all.

You should have talked about this with your girlfriend--asked her whether she wanted kids and made it CLEAR that you don't and that you didn't want to get married. You can certainly sign away your rights and responsibilities for the child. You won't have to be financially responsible. But you also won't be able to have contact with the child, either. Now THAT may upset your mom. But you are an adult, now. You really need to think about this. Not only will you never get contact with the child, the child won't get contact with YOU. Is that fair to the kid to NOT have a dad? No. This is part of the responsibility of being grown-up. If you don't want anymore kids, then you better start wearing condoms--whether your girlfriend or wife is taking BC pills or not.

Can't get mom and dad to get you out of this. This isn't a speeding ticket. This is a life. I think you should take responsibility for creating a life and be a father.