I am in a bad marriage basically. He is in denial. He is a controlling, manipulative abusive person. He actually is making me go to his friends for the holiday tomorrow and told me"you better dress nice and dress our son nice and you will do what I say and be nice to people and be happy". All I want to do is sleep all day and cry. How can I pretend in front of all these people I hardly know (his friends) I am a happy wife and I want to secretly leave? **crying*** Any ideas on how to keep conposure? Should I fake it or just openly be unhappy???
2007-11-21 15:12:09 · 23 answers · asked by Samantha 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That really sucks. It is awful to be in a relationship that is bringing you down. Especially a marriage. I think you should talk to him and not only let him know how you feel about this, but about everything else, which is considerably more important. Maybe if he is a decent enough guy deep down somewhere he will clean up his act if he thinks he may lose you. Either way neither yourself or your son deserves an abusive home life. I think, unfortunately getting through Thanksgiving dinner is the least of your worries. Good Luck figuring it all out. Will say a prayer for you.
2007-11-21 15:29:20 · answer #1 · answered by William B music lover 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about you tell him you left something you really need at home and you and baby will go home and get it when you get there get all the things you really need baby photos bank books etc pack your clothes and leave go any where book in a motel if you have to don't go back and file for divorce because he is never going to change only get worst and then where will you be also you are going to get as far as you can away from him . If you stay and fake it he will think hes got the better of you and that you will do what ever he wants if you go the other way and be openly unhappy he may take it out on you when you get home
2007-11-21 23:48:35 · answer #2 · answered by Myra N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am soo sorry to hear that I feel so bad for you. For your sake I would just go along with it, I wouldn't upset him-Be careful about what you say on the computer so he doesn't find out and hurt you. I would fake it until you can get out of there. When you have that chance take because you don't know when there will be another- go as far as you can -if you don't have family go to a shelter or the ymca and they can help place you or try planned parenthood they can help place you too- I would go to the fire dept before I would go to the police because they never listen until its too late and they may contact him just because or your son. Good luck keep your chin up It will get better and it will be ok you just have to do your part.
2007-11-21 23:21:26 · answer #3 · answered by jet75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So sorry to hear this is happening to you. Pretending is difficult. Do what you can so that things aren't worse when you get home. You could always fake sickness between you and your son and take him home or make some kind of scene so that he has to take you home, but it sounds like he will be ready to pay you back for that when you get home, so just do your best to smile once in a while and get through it. No need to be the life of the party. Concentrate on your son.
2007-11-21 23:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by wife2denizmoi 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah honey-I spent years in exactly your situation. First off it sounds like you might also be suffering from depression. Get some help. It took me many, many years to wise up and (while I'm not saying this is the solution for you) I finally left-something I wish I had done 20 years earlier. Just get through tomorrow and then evaluate your life and decide what you need to do to make yourself and your son happy. Don't wait 20 years like I did before standing up for yourself. It will not get better without some type of intervention. Good Luck!
2007-11-21 23:26:40 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. I started crying while reading your question because I HAVE BEEN THERE. You feel like you HAVE to go because if you don't, he'll make your life miserable at home. The worst part is having to put on a fake face in front of everybody. If you go, I certainly wouldn't be fake. Maybe his friends need to know what kind of person he is and that things aren't all "rosy dosy". I hope that if you really do want to leave you can do that soon. It took me 12 years to get out of my situation but believe me, if I can do it, you can too.
2007-11-21 23:18:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
i have been in that position (when married) and heard those same words. and felt that same way most of my life.
i am sorry for you.
don't fake it. be true to yourself. i didn't. in the end, everyone thought he was the "nice guy" (i guess that is what he wanted) and even thought i divorced him because i had a boyfriend (i didn't) or that he was cheating on me (of course, he was but that is not why i wanted a divorce)
what i am saying is..abuse doesn't just end. he choses to do that.
your son is watching and learning. he will think this is "ok" behavior when it's not. he will start to believe his father and wonder what is wrong with mommy..why can't she just be happy?
and you might start to "lose yourself"..not knowing how to feel any more. and be confused.
being yourself is the best gift you can give yourself and your son. please don't be afraid and be strong! let it all out, if that's how you feel.
2007-11-21 23:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by shyanne 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the friends house and while you are mingling.....let out some "juicey" gossip about some of the bad habits your husband has to some of the other ladies.....it will make you seem a little happier...plus you can rest assured it will get back to the husbands and he will be the "closed door" joke for a while....I would seriously think about what you want in this relationship....it is disturbing that you say "abusive"...I am not in favor of anyone sticking in a relationship with that happening....especially if that person sees they are not doing anything wrong and mostly likely would not do counseling....
2007-11-21 23:37:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I pray for you as you must be going through a tough time.
If I were you, I would not go and put myself in that much pressure. Respect yourself and don't let him go over such boundaries with you. Let your confidence come out and let him know you won't put up with this behavior. If he is physically abusive, find a place and leave him. Start thinking about your own life. I always said that when I get married, the two reasons I would divorce would be cheating or abuse.
You DESERVE to be happy.
Good Luck to You~
2007-11-21 23:18:04 · answer #9 · answered by HotJewels 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A lot has been said and all of it supportive and loving,the only thing I would like to add is that when a person allows
another to abuse them, they are also teaching their children that it is o k to be treated badly,they grow up thinking that what they see is normal, there for when they grow up, they will set themselves up with the same situation because they do not know any better
Go to the thanks giving but go for your sake,meeting other people may cheer you up a bit, good luck
2007-11-21 23:46:04 · answer #10 · answered by Loretta M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋