How did you get over a cheating spouse?

Question

Is it possible? Been together 9 years and have a little one...not so easy to just leave. It happened 5 years ago but I found out about it 2 years ago...still having extreme trust issues. Any advice besides move on and get over it?

Answer 1

I think the ability to move on depends alot on how much your spouse has tried to repair the damage and whether or not he was able to make you feel secure and loved. I get the sense that you are feeling trapped because of your financial dependence on him. If this is the case, then you can't just "move on", you have to plan. Perhaps you should focus your attention on getting an education so that you can get yourself a high paying job. Use him, make him pay for it, then dump him when you get on your feet.

Answer 2

Gee...I just found out 2 months ago about a live-in fiancee cheating on me and I thought I was taking it badly for too long. It's been 2 years for you and you haven't been able to move forward. Has he given any indication he is up to old habits?
My counselor says I either move toward getting over it (i.e. resolve issues) or move on. If your spouse hasn't been suspicious within the last 2 years, then you probably should feel some trust beginning to build. Don't loose a great guy just because he's been an @ss in the past.

Answer 3

If he is doing everything to show you that he can again be trusted, there is not much else he can do to help. It is now finding out why you are unwilling to take him at face value. I feel it is the fear of being vulnerable again; that you had such belief in him and it broke your spirit, so to say. You fear the pain again, so you dare not trust him.
Please work on this as if you really want to trust him again you will be able to. I went away on business meetings; weeks at a time, after mine had an affair, and I decided I could spend my time worrying and wondering what he was up to, or I could just decide to allow him to show me he could be trusted. The result was he called me every day, twice a day while I was gone - he didn't want me to worry about what he was doing and knew a phone call or two would ease any doubts I had. So, look into your husbands eyes and see the love there; not what he once did; but how he is right now. We never know what will happen in life but to heal, you must again learn to trust. Hope he is showing you that you can again do so.

Answer 4

I think you can get over it to the point of living a somewhat normal life... If that's ok with you... but as far as the extreme trust issues, they are there and they are not going to leave unless you CAN trust him again. Is he still giving you reasons to think hes still cheating.. do u know FOR SURE that hes not. Has he learned his lesson? Trust will only come when you can know in your own heart that you are his one and only. Its gonna take time and a ton of effort on his part and on yours. One day at a time. I hope for you that you can restore your marriage, and be happy... i didn't do that ... we divorced.

Answer 5

my ex and i were married 11 years,the last 4 of them,he was having an affair (not just cheating) with this one girl. i knew about it,but i hoped and prayed that he would change his cheating ways.we also had 3 kids and many years invested in our relationship.well,he changed.........but for the worst.he lost all respect and started making calls to women in front of me.he was seeing several girls at the same time .keep in mind that we were still married and living together. it hurt so bad to know ,see and hear all of this,but i had to love myself more than what i loved him and moved on.making the decision to move on was the hardest part of the best choice i had made in years. after the affairs started,the abuse started physically and mentally. i tried to be strong and ignore it all because i didnt know how or what to tell the kids. i just though about what if he was sleeping around with all these females and caught a disease then came home and gave it to me.what was i to do then? std's dont talk and alot of times,niether do thier carriers,so that also played a big role in me deciding to get over him and move on.it wasnt easy getting over him,but it had to be done so that could be happy again.trusting someone after they have cheated is always a challenge that seems impossible.alot of times,it never truley does happen.you will always remember and have that in back of your mind when he isnt home on time or when you just dont know where he is at. getting over a cheating spouse IS possible.people will tell you to stay in your relationship for your child,but what will happen when that child realizes whats going on and that you arent happy? what kind of happiness can you give him/her if you yourself arent happy? if you want to work your marriage out ,it has to be something you BOTH want.go to some marriage counseling.talk to each other about why he did it.its best not to know too much info about whom he cheated with,that wil only deepen the wound. i believe that the less you know,the better off you are.kinda like the saying'what you dont know ,wont hurt you".if he isnt willing to truley work out the marriage,then there is no use in trying to do it yourself.he will only cheat again and you will be in a repetitive pattern of cheating because he will see that he has done it,and you are still around, so why not do it again.........

Answer 6

You might have to try to work it out with your spouse first. There are marriages that worked even after one of them cheated on the other. If you're having extreme trust issues you might want to talk it out with your spouse. And if you guys still cant work it out then maybeeeeeee it's time to realise he's not worth your time.

Answer 7

I couldn't do it. I'd have to say, "Get Out." What do they say, "A leopard cannot change its spots." I'm sorry you are having this burden this time of year. If you can't leave, then go to a therapist and get some coping skills--and ignore the cost if your insurance doesn't cover it--you are worth spending this money on because it's something that will improve your well being. Life is just to short to suffer this way.

Answer 8

well of course there is always going to be trust issues unless he really shows you he regretted what he did and gives you a reason to trust him again. its not going to be something that happends over night tho, so just keep that in mind. I highly suggest seeing a couples-counseler, good luck!

Answer 9

Back over him with the car. jk

That's a difficult experience to
get past. The person you were
supposed to be able to trust more
than anyone betrayed you.
You need to decide if it's something
you think you can get over or something
easier to separate yourself from.
Some couples are able to overcome
and others move on. Good luck in
whatever you decide.

Answer 10

I doubt you will ever completely forget.

Is your relationship otherwise good? Will you be able to be good together again at some point? Is he worth it? Is he completely remorseful and can you trust him again?