has any1 ever fought a custody battle under the court system?

Question

I have to do this now, just to see my son. : (
I would like to know the ups and downs of fighting a custody battle and do you have any suggestions for a father who has to fight a legal battle...just to see his son

Answer 1

the father has an uphill battle.The mother can be a crackhead, or worse, and she will always get preferential treatment. Get a lawyer, a good one.

Answer 2

Wow... really sorry to hear it. The question is hard and I'm hoping others will give your more concrete experiences from them. I know people close to me that have done this.

A lot of what happens will depend on several things:
1. The state you live in
2. The quality of your "ex". Since you're talking about visitation I'm assuming she's already been awarded full custody
3. Your background and likely value to enriching your son
4. Factors in the marriage that might make the child threatened (Please understand I'm not suggesting for a second that you have done anything or that there is anything that would stand in your way... these do come up as factors)
5. The judge you get

The state laws and the judge have a lot to do with it

You can help yourself when you're in court in several ways:

1. Have a competent lawyer who has done this before. Listen to them carefully and do what they say. It will help you.

2. Get regular feedback from your lawyer on how you are doing and make sure you rehearse any testimony you are to give

3. When asked a question, especially by the judge. Answer it. Don't volunteer any more information than they ask and don't try and expand on your answer unless they are asking you to tell your story or to explain something. Very often, judges will get a negative opinion of someone if they ask a question that should be straightforward and the person starts to give them a five minute answer. It makes them think they are trying to hide something

4. Dress nice. You don't necessarily have to wear a 3 piece suit but show up demonstrating you respect the court and the judge.

5. Don't try and make your ex look bad. Stick to the truth and not your opinon of them (if its negative)

6. Finally, and above all, show the judge through your words and deeds that above all the court stuff going on, your real desire and your real reason for being there is to be able to see your son. That's really all you care about. The court stuff is what you need to do to make that happen. When the judge asks (and probably won't) "why you are there...your answer is "Because, your honor, I really want to be a part of my son's life and I want to be able to spend time so he has a father".

I hope this helps... hang in there.

Answer 3

i am very sorry to have to hear that, my friend. Ok, hjere is the low-down. I do not know what state u are in, and I will try to help u as best I can. I have been thru this,and I can tell u, it isn't pretty. The mother will try anything, ( and it usually works) in order to have the law on her side. Tears, whining, lying, ect. The best advice I can offer you is this: use anything, and provide proof , that she is unfit. I have seen instances where the dad won custody because the mom was an unfit parent. Does she drink? Do drugs? make your son go without food? Find out all u can about the way she raises your boy and use it against her, and make sure you have proof.Be as involved in his life as u can possibly be. Be the parent u need to be, and be there for him, unlike his mom. Be the kind of parent she can't be. Do not make your son a pawn!!! This is between YOU and HER. This will get ugly and very dirty. It will not be a pretty sight, but if you stick it out, and fight , you will come out ahead. IF you do not win, who knows?? It can be overturned.This is the beginning of a big change in both yours and his life. But when I say fight , I do not mean to say to become petty and vindictive. Do not resort to calling Child Protective Services because you feel that u can use them to prove her unfit. If they do feel a call is warrented, fine, but I have seen parents use them to the point where they don't listen to either party, because they do not want to be involved. If they do get involved, I pray that they do not step in. This is hard enough without them involved. I know what I ma saying here. Been having to deal with them since i was 4, and I am not 40, and a parent of 2. Anyhow, best of luck to you on this. i read some of the other answers, I forgot to tell u to get a ( dam,n) good lawyer, join a father's advocacy group, enlist the help and support of your church, if u go, and a final word of advice?? Do not give up, familiarize yourself with the law and pray like ( h ell) !! Good luck to you!!!

Answer 4

As a father, the trend now is to have 50% ccustody; was this ever discussed? Your ex wife or significant other needs to cut the crap; this is very destructive to children--this is not about her feelings, it is about the kid.

If you have the money, hire a good lawyer. If you don't, go in pro se; be honest with the court and keep her in court if you have to until you get to see your kid. You have a constitutional right to the court system, if you are not using the system to harass or be what is known as a vexatious litigant. You are the father, you have rights.

I am a mom of three; when my husband and I were divorced, I told the kids, "you can live with either parent of your choice and I'll never hold this against you."' Conversely, my ex put a big guilt trip on them when they wanted to live with me. It almost ruined my teenage son, who was an A student and within a year of being with my ex, he was in jail. The good news is, he is now here with me, I straightened him out and he is again, a 4.0 student.

Your ex has to be careful not to damage your child.

Answer 5

Go to your local library and see if they have any books on child custody for your state, you can petition the court for a temporary order for visitation until regular visitation can be established, e.g; Saturdays from 8am-4pm. Your local library should have books on the matter, you may want to look for a book with sample forms if you plan on filing yourself without the assistance of an atty; to make sure you word everything properly. Wether you get an atty or not, you REALLY need to get a book so you can KNOW the law yourself, just because an atty takes your$$$ does not neccesarily mean they will represent you to your satisfaction, knowledge is power. Courts usually frown upon parties who run each others name through the mud unnecessarily, try to get along with her if you can, you may want to ask the judge to order mediation, which is where the judge assigns a mediator and you 2 meet with a mediator on a regular basis until you can come to an agreement as to the custody/visitation, try to remember not to use your child as a means of punishing her, that is just, in my opinion, ignorant.

Answer 6

Since the courts typically side with women (unfair, but it's true), you should look into a father's advocacy group. They are all over the place - just google "Father's Rights". Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Win the lottery so you will have almost enough money to get a very good lawyer . Then pray and you will get some time with your son.

Answer 8

it is really hard! well the ups are if you win then you get to see your son. but the downs are if you lose then...do i really need to say it?? my best advise is to just keep your head up and belive in hope and have patince(SP?) lots and lots of patince(SP?) patince will do you good. i promise the best 2 things to have is hope and patince...

XOXO
Sadie

Answer 9

Get a good lawyer! Seriously! Don't use a friends referral because they are your friend make sure they are good.

Answer 10

I was told to just do as your lawer tells you to do. My edvice is to have good reasons to see your children to the judge