Am I in the wrong?

Question

Hey guys. I have a three month old daughter and I guess the relationship with his parents have changed. There has been two times while we were over at their house I asked to have my daughter and change her because she was dirty. She told me no and that the baby could go the bathroom again in them.. I was upset and my husband didn't say anything or stick up for me.

Then I guess when my daughter is over there, she is always sick, either an upset tummy or a stuffy nose.. but she is never sick or anything with me. She put Adults Vicks on my daughter and that upset me I asked her not to and she said that she is going to do it anyway. Again, my husband wasn't sticking up for me again, then we went over there a few days later and let her have the baby over night and when we came to pick her up she said that she again put vicks on the baby!! but this time she got baby vicks.

Then Halloween his parents picked out the costume and I didn't have a say in it, and I told my husband that I want

to pick out her Christmas dress, and then I was at the store with my mom looking at some, and she said no your not getting her one his mom already got one... so I'm upset and she knows it.. My husband wants me to say sorrry for hurtin my feelings but no one cares about my feelings!! I said that I would say sorry but not mean it... because mine were hurt also.

Were supposed to go over to his familys house tomorrow and there is this big fight going on.

I don't feel that I should have to tell her if something bothers me anymore beacuse she just ignores how I feel!!

Please tell me if I am wrong here. Thanks

Answer 1

I am on your side here, but are you the mother. I was a little bit confused in the story. Maybe I read wrong though. I will re-read it, hold on...

ok, it says you have a daughter and the relationship between his parents has changed? I am confused there. Either way though, you are not in the wrong in my opinion.



***EDIT*** Can you tell me exactly why I have a thumbs down if you gave it to me?

Answer 2

Ok I'm not really sure what exactly you're saying. I'm guessing it's your mother in law that you're having an issue with. If this is so, do not wait for your hubby to take up for you because he won't make the first move. It is your child and you need to make sure your point is made quite clear. I had it out with mine too when my son was a baby. You have to make it clear that if she does not follow your instructions that you will not bring the baby over anymore. Make sure she knows that you do not want to have to take it this far but that you are the parent whether she thinks you are doing what's right for the baby or not it is still your decision to make not hers. However, once you say this you better make sure you back it up if she puts vicks on the baby again do not take her over there. I don't care if it's Christmas your hubby can bring the gifts home with him. It shouldn't take very long for her to apologize and stop if she has even one little shred of common sense. Hope this helps.

BTW the Christmas dress thing, you accept their dress and be grateful. However then you go to the store with your own money and buy her the dress you really want to get her. When they ask about it tell them that you like this dress better and you're saving the other dress as a momento for when she is all grown up and you didn't want to get it dirty. This should satisfy them.

Answer 3

Ohh i totally know your situation...i go through the same thing. Here are some good ideas for you
first you may want to tell your husband exactly how you feel {be careful though cause he may or may not go back and tell his family, so if you know that he is going to go back and tell his family you make it sound like you are pissed off not that your feelings are hurt} second dont let them watch your daughter AT ALL and if they do and they stop you from changing her diaper you grab her and you leave...simple as that.
As for picking out clothing thats your daughter you should be the one picking out her clothes for important dates halloween thanksgiving christmas even if they already picked out something you go right on ahead and pick out what you want her to wear {even if your husband says no} You need to show them that you wont put up with there stupidity and it sounds like they also just want to push all your right buttons and also instead of constantly going over there why dont you have them come to your house therefor there not that comfortable pushing all your buttons ya know !!
good luck

Answer 4

I say Its none of their business how you raise you daughter, its between you and your husband. Talk to him and set some rules. If you have a point that your not willing to change, Make it one weather he likes it or not. But don't leave him out of the decision making proses. Your baby, not theirs.

Next time they want baby to come over there, tell them point blank that if they don't follow your rules for your child, they won't be able to be around her. It sounds harsh but thats the way to go. No excuses.

If they say they'll follow your rules, go over and let them play with baby. If well your over there, they try to fight the rules, or right out brake them, take the baby tell them why your leaving, and go home. If husband won't stand behind you, leave him there. If he has any sense at all he'll be following you.

Answer 5

You need to get a backbone. You are the mom and your husband is a jerk for not supporting you. The dresses are a minor thing, annoying, but not worth arguing over. It's the health issues I would not tolerate. DO NOT leave your daughter for another overnight. Explain to her that since she is always sick over there and is not at your home, there must be something in the house that is making her sick, so you don't want her over there except for short visits. Mold allergies, for instance.

Answer 6

Your daughter is you top priority and you wishes even if they seem "silly" should be taken into consideration. You are her parents afterall.. If your MIL is NOT doing things the way that you would like than simply STOP taking her over there. Or having her spend the night. If your MIL asks then bring up how you feel and discuss calmly your position... I believe that both parties are in the wrong. Actually 3 parties since you husband hasn't said anything in your defense and I certainly would NOT apologize for how I parent my child or children.. Good luck

Answer 7

No, I don't think you are wrong. It is your child and normally it is what mom says that goes. Your husband should stand by your side. Afterall, happy wife happy life.

You need to be strong and just say 'thanks for getting her the costume but hey, I already have one in mind. You can put her in the outfit later for a picture but I have this one for our special occasion.' It's hard, I know, because you don't want to rock the boat but I have learned that when it comes to my child I have to sharpen the claws and fangs because otherwise every inlaw, stranger, friend, etc. will try to tell me what I am wrong.
You have every right to tell everyone to back off and if they aren't going to obide by your rules for your child then some privileges will be taken from them such as being alone with your kid if there is any VICS in the house.
good luck.

Answer 8

Often when what you say is ignored a letter works wonders. Try writing out all of your feelings on paper and send it to them in the mail. Be sure to tell them that you care for them and want them to be involved in the baby's life too, but you do not want to be ignored in decisions and you would like to make some yourself, like what she wears for Christmas. I, myself, would just buy her another Christmas dress and put it on her for Christmas, but that's just me. She is your daughter. Sometimes a son may be in the middle and it is difficult for him to defy his mom when she has been so kind as to care for his daughter. Don't blame him. He is definitely in a difficult position. Write the letter then buy her a Christmas dress and put it on her for Christmas. That will say what you want to say without hurting anyone's feelings. The Vick's only comes in adult Vicks, as far as I know and it is useful for little babies when rubbed on the chest, but not really necessary. A nebulizer would do much more. About the diapers...be sure you let them know that you would like her to be changed immediately so that she never has to cope with a rash. It is true that the new diapers absorb a lot, but it isn't necessary or advisable to leave a child in wet diapers. But be sure you validate their right to do things for her and love her also.

Answer 9

My honest opinion, YOUR AN ADULT NOW, with a daughter. Honey you have to follow through on your own parenting beliefs. His mother raised him, are you going to just let her have her way and raise your children too? I think not. You have to have enough respect for yourself as a mother, or they won't respect you or your parenting wishes. Your man needs to ask santa for a set of "you know whats" and stand up to his mother. He has a family now, and if he wants to keep in intact, and happy. He needs to be there for you and your daughter. Your not doing anything wrong, other than letting this woman strong arm and walk all over you. Enough is enough...hope this help's, I've been there.

Answer 10

It sounds like your husband doesn't want to defy his parents. Try sitting him down and explaining how you feel in detail. Tell him that you feel disrespected as this is you and your husband's child; not his parents. And if she has been getting sick there, and possibly mistreated(the diaper incident), than there is real cause for you to talk to them. Once you have talked to your husband, sit his parents down and expain to them how you feel they are trying to take your rights as a parents away, and ask them to please consult you before they make any major decisions, and just on routine things so that things aren't too different for her when she's there than when she's with you. If they refuse to comply, you should consider not letting them alone with her anymore if at all possible. Explain that it is because you can no longer trust them with the safety and well-being of your child.

Answer 11

That is completely ridiculous!! That is YOUR baby not THEIRS!! You need to stop letting them do whatever they want!! If they don't listen while you are visiting them, then leave with the baby. If they still will not do what you say DO NOT let your baby spend the night.(which I think 3 months is way to early for sleep overs)

You have to make them understand that you are the mother and you will not let them do things that you do not agree with!!

Everything that you said they did sound horrible to me!! That is NEGLECT!! And they might be harming the baby by giving it medicines that a Dr did not prescribe.

Don't let them walk all over you. Put your foot down. Tell them they can either do what you say...or they don't have to see the baby!!