Married people please help me!How 2 keep the passion, love & desire alive like it was in the beginning?

Question

Does it happen to everyone that after a year or so it is no longer like it used to be? I don't feel the passion, the desire, the butterflies anymore. It has happened in all my relationships & I have terminated themt thinking that there is no love anymore.I am starting to think that is normal or tWhat can I do to keeo it going? Somehow we fall into this routine and everything is so predictable and not good anymore. I want him to want to see me, be with me, eat me if necesarry like it used 2 be. It used to be that he would get hard from seeing me. We would do crazy things as to masturbate on the phone while we were away from each other and now I don't even see myself able to do that. Sex is boring and awful. He comes and it's over. He goes to sleep and I feel used. I have talked about it and he says that"I feel too good". Bullshit, I feel the same way I did at the begining when it wasn't the way it is now. Does he not love me or like me anymore? I am 25 and he is 30. We live together

He is not into 3somes. That has already been discussed

He refuses to bring toys to the bedroom

Answer 1

The newness feeling goes away because he is comfortable around you. It happens to everyone. The good news is, you get compensated for it. Though the butterfly feeling goes away, you get something else that goes much deeper than that. Unconditional love and committment. If you want more out of him, try having a date night 1-2 times a week. Don't let him penetrate until he gives you the foreplay you desire. Tease him.

Answer 2

I think you love him and he loves you but no relationship can keep up the steam that it had in the beginning. I have been with the same guy for 8 years married for almost 5 of that now and I have the same issues, getting bored with the sex life, no spice anymore. He on the other hand thinks all is great. If you are not getting pleasure from sex then show him what you want to do, add some adult toys to the mix (we did and it helps a lot) then instead of jumping on and it's done he will spend some extra time on your parts playing with the toys getting you more ready for the end and he will be just as turned on seeing it, try blindfolding and handcuffs as well to change it up a bit. All relationships sorta flatline like you describe the thing is to switch up the regular routines and try different things. And honestly guys don't seem to notice the same old routine as much as girls do, they get comfortable and just repeat it day after day...where you want some of the old fire. How about you take the reins and while your driving tell him to go somewhere (semi private) and jump him in the car. Next time your on the phone start some sexy conversation or send him some hot pictures to his email....if you start firing things up it's going to make him hotter for you and he will start getting some ideas on his own hopefully. You have to want to get into the sexiness again and it should rub off on him and get him wanting more variety and not just wham bam thank you mam.

Answer 3

It's too bad you keep backing out of relationships.

They DO change, for both people involved. You have to realize that love evolves - and gets better, but not like the intense butterflies it is at the start. Most of the feelings come from NOT knowing the person very well, once you DO know them, the relationship moves into something deeper. But you keep taking yourself out of the experience!

It gets better and very intense, you become two people sharing a life. You need to keep communication going between you. There will always be mystery if you look. And sex is only boring if you stop putting the effort into it! The guy needs to be sure his partner is satisfied as well as himself, or it's only a one way street. No partner should feel used.

Routines need to be broken up (either person can do this). Make one night a week 'date night', or do it every other week if your schedules are too busy. Make one niht a month massage night--sexy massage with NOBODY allowed to come. Sexual tension works good with this. Do spontaneous back rubs or foot massage. Do a whole night of foreplay but don't take it further (guys need to learn how to pleasure their partner, you have to take a hand in teaching him how).

Answer 4

Yes, it is the same for every relationship. If you keep going in the same routine it eventually gets boring. You need to try and spice it up. Maybe some soft role playing or a new toy. Talk dirty to him every once in a while.

What we feel in the beginning is not actual love, it is lust. Love is the compromise after the lust goes away. It's knowing that person and dealing with their faults. It is unfortunate, but true. There are times in every relationship where we really love the person and then there are times where we really can't stand them. Don't give up on your relationship if you think you love him. We can't chase the butterflies forever. Sometimes we have to realize that the butterflies will never make up for a true partner.

Answer 5

ok this is the mistake people make
you cannot constantly have the romantic early stages of a relationship and that be the way it has to be. and when its gone away, go to another relationship to keep finding the romance.its an illusion and the man you got is the way it is.
the romantic feeling are meant to dissappear, if they constantly stayed commitment would never happen and emotional distress would occurr from being in love all the time.
puppy inloveness is replaced by comfortable, deeper love, companionship , this will explain it all.:
http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/NWL1.html

Its normal for sex to get boring. you can still spice it up and now its called hard work.
dont leave coz the romance is gone, you stay for the work of the relationship and how he sleeps after sex, is an issue to discuss to keep the relationship going.
goodluck

Answer 6

I'm not married but Ive watched marriages work and Ive watched marriages fail, i think you should try something different like asking him to meet you somewhere totally different from where you work live or go and do something different like... a picnic on the beach or a trail walk along a forest or even at home you could put rose petals all along the hallway up to the stairs and enjoy a night of passion you can do things with food... they've always said the way to a mans heart is food you can be creative with it even something as little as writing to him with alphabet spaghetti! dint give up just because theres a small amount of lust you need to talk to him and he needs to talk to you and at the end of the day you both need to work at the relationship its a two way path not a one way so talk to him and tell him how you feel and ask him how you feel in a marriage you need to be different unique try and catch his attention and you know... randomly ring him up and start talking dirty on the phone get him to a climax and say something like... wait till you get home and put the phone down and then when hes home surprise him with a candle-lit dinner for after the pleasure of you laying upstairs!!! hope you get the flame ignited again good luck !

Answer 7

The key to all relationships no matter how long you have been together is always honesty and communication. You need to have a good talk and decide things you can do to make things better. No drama or yelling allowed.
If your relationship revolves around how the sex is, then I hate to say it, but it is not really a good healthy long-term relationship. Eventually it probably will fizzle out if that is all it is about.

Answer 8

It is not suppose to stay the same. Falling is love does not last forever. You go through lots of different love in your marriage. And the longer you go the better it gets. The more you work through the better it gets. The more you know each other the better it gets. People need to stay in it for the long haul to get to the best place of all in a relationship. That is what it is all about!

Answer 9

Well im not married but i think that u should try to break that boring routine and start a new one , dont let him touch for a few days that way hes hormones will build up and make everything exciting , in the day get out and be active trust me u'll feel much better , if not try to talk 2 him about and try to work it out if not hes gonna loose u

i hoped this helps u

Answer 10

Love is choice, for those traits you listed to survive you have to work at keeping them alive. They don't just manifest without the input of the people involved. Take some time away from the house and everybody and reignite the passion. If you can't afford to go out of town, just go to a nice hotel and spend a night.