Caught my husband on the computer 3X's w/porn and still no sex in the bed room. He blames my hours of work and I blame my self. Any sugg would be helpful.
2007-11-21 12:04:35 · 34 answers · asked by pumpkin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a submissive wife and would do anything in the room no ?'s asked. So, its ??????????????
2007-11-21 12:10:40 · update #1
Marriage counseling. Sounds like a cop-out, but your problem is MUCH bigger than Yahoo! Answers. A counselor can help you indentify the REAL problems in your relationship, help you establish trust and understanding, and aid you in finding practical and constructive solutions. I highly recommend it. Your marriage is worth it! Make the appointment, and then ask your husband to go. If he won't go, then go yourself. You'll be glad you did. Good luck!
I'll tell you one other thing: I guarantee it is not just your fault. This is definitely a two-way street situation.
2007-11-21 12:08:32 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Taco 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
2
2016-07-17 04:07:41 · answer #2 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and talk to him about it, he may have a serious sex addiction to online porn that is obviously interfering with your sex life together. Almost all guys look at porn, it seems to be a thing they have to see or something...my husband does too, mainly at work since he is in a camp for 2 weeks, but in no way does he not want sex. So talk to him and if he cannot give you a good reason then either see a counselor and if he won't commit to that then think about yourself and it may be your not meant to be together since he sounds a little selfish.
2007-11-21 12:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think "ee" watches too many soaps...! lol
Pumpkin, needless to say, you do have a problem and it is not ever going to go away entirely...
The age factor of you both really does not matter but what does matter is that you are at least part of the problem, as you mentioned, regarding your work...
I am sure it requires a lot of any woman to be a working woman, a mistress, a maid, a mom and a zillion other things. Well, regardless, some cannot do it all at all the times and some can only do it all part of the time...that's the way it is...!
So then, what's wrong, pumpkin...? Obviously, you have your priorities out of order...and so does hubby...! You were meant for each other "together"...not "apart"...and now is a gap between you both growing wider...now you are competing with a porno girl...!
My suggestion is that you become a little devious and develope a plan to re-invent your marriage and do it so well it will make your honeymoon appear as kids peeking thru a keyhole...
I feel it should be a daytime affair, definitely not dark, and should last for hours...several hours...! During those times of resting (WINK...!) , have a snack (real food or fruit), communicate with him, and display a lot of interest in his desire to watch the porn and even suggest you would like to see it one time just to know what pleases him...(tolerate it, pumpkin, it's just one time)... Then tell him how much you really want more sexuality shared and if he could help you with some of your home chores you certainly could make that happen...
Pumpkin, sex is like a game of bridge...if you don't have a good partner then you better have a good "hand"...!!!
Don't worry about him watching porn and naked girl pictures as he is going to have his fantasies regardless. What you must watch closely is if he is in chats or emails sexually with other girls on the internet. That is another problem which could lead to disastor beyond belief... It's normal for guys to have fantasies and some are more prone than others...that hormone thing...! When he is too tired for you, but not the porno, then you both need professional help...marital counseling...yes..."both" of you...
I know it isn't easy for you, pumpkin, and do admire your willingness to seek ways for improvement...you are quite special and certainly will succeed...
Now, you have but to show him that there isn't a picture or movie he can watch that can do for him what you are about to... Make him want you every minute of his wakened hours, pumpkin, and your husband will shower you with love... I am sure you can tease him in reality much better than the gyrations of a porno girl film... Give him reasons to have fantassies about YOU, pumpkin, and you both will return to the sensual times shared when first you met...definitely...! I wish more women would...!!!
I wish you success and happiness...
2007-11-21 13:03:50 · answer #4 · answered by farplaces 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Blaming your hours of work is a cop out, not a legitimate reason. And you definitely should not blame yourself. If he's into porn, it's like any other addiction, and will only get worse unless he wants to get help.
You can deliver an ultimatum.....the porn goes or I go.....but that means you have to "police" it if you're going to enforce it. Personally, I doubt it's worth the effort. If he doesn't want to quit, nothing you do is going to change it. I suggest legal separation, give you both some time to think things over, to decide whether you can live with it, whether he's worth it in other ways, or file for divorce.
2007-11-21 12:12:24 · answer #5 · answered by transplanted_fireweed 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why would you blame yourself?? If your husband is the one that doesn't want to have sex that is not YOUR issue. Men watch porn I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he won't talk to you about it then you may have a problem, but in a marriage you should always keep an open line of communication whether it be about sex, work, trust, or whatever.
Good luck. I am sure it will be fine!
2007-11-21 12:08:37 · answer #6 · answered by babyonboard 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well dress sexy for him come to the desk and ask him if he'd rather watch porn on the computer or have some of you for desert. I'll tell you, you will not have to ask twice. After the deal is done, talk about the porn issue in a good conversation way not reprimanding him or complaining. Talk openly about it ask him why and how to solve the issue. take his view, add yours and find a compromise.
2007-11-21 12:08:53 · answer #7 · answered by caliguy_30 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Porn is just an easy escape and a lousey excuse. Don't blame yourself. It is totally a guy thing. If there was another girl in that room other than you he would move heaven and earth to get there, but he is biologically bored with you. And there ain't much you can do about it.
2007-11-21 12:28:18 · answer #8 · answered by bocasbeachbum 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like he might have a porn addiction.
Men who have a porn addiction OFTEN lose desire to be with a real woman, because the fantasy becomes more attractive to them then reality.
Either way, it's NOT you. Don't blame yourself. There's no reason that you and he can't make time for sex. If you try, and he doesn't jump at the chance, then it's HIM, not you.
See this website for information about porn addiction, and see if it sounds like your husband.
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/sex-addiction-masturbation-pornography_03.html
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/sex-addiction-masturbation-pornography_13.html
2007-11-21 12:11:20 · answer #9 · answered by Jess H 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he is addicted, prefers living in a fantasy world to living real life, and is using the porn as a form of escapism. Talk to him about depression and addiction.. ask him to get some help. It has nothing to do with you by the way... these kinds of things happen sometimes to people who are having trouble coping with stress. If it weren't porn, it might be the xbox. Its not your fault at all.
2007-11-21 12:07:35 · answer #10 · answered by boots6 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋