Would you father a child for a lesbian couple?
No sex involved, just the passing over of your sperm, which would be inserted via a turkey baster into one of them.
No physical contact at all, and only a handshake as a contract.
I've been asked to do this, and as my wife and I are struggling to have kids I am quite keen on the idea (I'm 37, if that helps).
Obviously my wife is unaware of this, and will remain that way.
2007-11-21 11:49:52 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
Wagon, you are either trying to kid us or yourself!
You have enough braincells to know the answer without asking anyone else. Think about Mrs Wagon & any child that may result in this idea.
STOP even thinking about it.
2007-11-22 10:15:40 · answer #1 · answered by funnygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Before you come to any decision - you MUST tell your wife.
Imagine the consequences if you did donate & then years down the line a kid (or 2) turns up on the door step saying "Daddy"...
I think there's a hell of a lot to this - more than might have even entered your mind, once you've told your wife about the request then you can look into it together if she's ok with it.
If not, whatever you do, because you want kids & you & your wife are having difficulties - please don't do it anyway behind her back.
If you're meant to be a parent, it will happen in time - & you still have plenty of that. Of course, not wishin to appear rude, the reason you & your wife are struggling to have kids might have something to do with your side of the job which would then make this a bit irrelivant...... sorry for saying it.
Good luck with it all.
2007-11-21 15:38:18 · answer #2 · answered by Mindless 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No!!! Not that I'm against lesbians having children whatsoever, the child will belong to this couple (are you at least good friends with them?) and you will not have the contact you may desire. Also think of your parents, having a grandchild they may never see or be able to explain who they are, how will they and the rest of your birth family feel? They will find out however much you cover up.
What about child maintenance? They may say you have to not make any contributions now, what about in years to come? Legally you would have to pay up, no handshake deal will disclaim that.
Also I bet you would like to be a part of that childs life, after all, it is yours. How much input would like to give into its upbringing? Would you be allowed any contact or input at all? Probably not, then how would you feel?
And as for not telling the wife, if I were here I'd be devasted you did such a thing, having a child (though not sexually cheating) with someone else, especially if you are having trouble having your own child between you.
Basically, unless you are best of friends and have been for many years with this couple, and your wife happily agrees to it (unlikely), then don't do it.
2007-11-21 12:15:43 · answer #3 · answered by rikerlock 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No offense but if I were part of a lesbian couple that were trying to have a baby, I wouldn't use a known donor. I'd go with anonymously donated sperm from a sperm bank. I'd be too afraid that the baby's sperm donor might decide to seek custody or want visitation rights or something.
At the very least, if we did use a known donor, we'd have to have a lawyer draw up an ironclad document to for the sperm donor to permanently give up ALL parental rights so that I could adopt as a second parent (if my partner were the one bearing the child) or so that she could adopt (if I were the one getting pregnant).
2007-11-21 12:17:48 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
lol, turkey baster. It won't work that way. You'd have to do it the old fashioned way or have a doctor inseminate her. As for your wife, you should tell her. Also, think about the future. What if the child wants to know who Dad is or what if you decide you want to be a part of the child's life?
2007-11-21 12:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by whata waste 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as I knew the couple to be appropriate and responsible parents I would be more than happy to donate my sperm. I almost did so for my sister and her girlfriend of 10 years and I was willing to be a part of the child's life. Unfortunately my "sister in law" was got at by her parents who have strong christian values.
If you and your wife can't conceive then it might be good to talk to her and come to an arrangement where you can both be in the child's life.
Maybe your lesbian friends could conceive for you and your wife also.
It would be wrong to leave your wife out of any decision as important as conceiving a child with another woman. I am in a steady gay relationship and I respect my partner enough to make him a part of any life decisions that I make.
2007-11-21 14:57:43 · answer #6 · answered by jorge garcia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't keep it from your wife, whats wrong with you?
Apart from that I think it would be a great thing for them, but it sounds like you would want to be involved in the kids life ('my wife and I are struggling to have kids'); Would they be ok with that? How well do you know them? Will you tell the kid when he/she is older? Will you have a say in its up-bringing?
I guess my point is that you have a hell of a lot more thinking to do, and talking... with the couple..and your wife.
Good luck
2007-11-22 03:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by kosslyn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don`t deceive your wife, you must tell her?
Whats the resaon for NOT telling her.
I would hate my husband to do this.
It would be the end of us!
If you and your wife are also trying to have kids, you will find it hard to live with knowing you have a child out there somewhere.
Will you have regular contact?
Please tell your wife. Discuss it with her. If you love her and want to stay together you must talk to her.
You will be forever living a lie and it will eventually wear you down, you wouldn`t be able to live with it.
I`m sure if your friends want a baby so bad they would want you ALL to come to the same agreement.
Remember..... the baby will be forever half YOURS.
Good luck x
2007-11-21 21:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by suzanne p 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This issue is definately a marriage breaker... Giving life to some one else is definately a very big issue and it should definately be consulted with your significant other before deciding. You have just been offered an answer to your prayers, how would your lesbian friends feel about having two children (one each) and giving you and your wife custody of one of them, while you do the same? How would your wife feel about this?
I would definately talk to her about this first and then make this proposition to the girls!!!
2007-11-21 12:40:16 · answer #9 · answered by Bretonasker 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would do so for a friend but not telling your wife is a bad idea. Who's to say that the child won't find out later on or if it needs a healt history someday. Then what will she think.
2007-11-21 12:15:32 · answer #10 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad Bad idea!! The truth will always come out and that would be a whammy! Do not do this to her. If you can be as heartless as to say your wife will never know about this then you obviously don't love her like a husband loves his wife. This has to be a mutual decision. Plus, no contract??? That will take you right to court with you paying child support and your wife will leave you.
2007-11-21 12:21:19 · answer #11 · answered by Mamamia 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋