He comes home from work and sits on the couch, plays xbox 360, and drinks beer!? I understand him wanting to un-wind and relax after a hard days work however he gets on there and then our son and myself become 2nd?! He sits there and talks to his "friends" with his head set and anything I say to him goes in one ear and out the other! I have told him MANY times that i'm tired of our son and myself comming second to his stuped games!!! It could be 1-2am and both of us have to go to work and he'll still be sitting there playing, i'd ask him to turn it off and i get " oh i can't its a team game!" YES he can't even just shut it off....i'll have the baby's coat on standing by the door waiting to leave because we have to wait till he finishes his game!!!! I have threted to leave, thretend to hide the xbox and controlers...actuley did once! But i'm feeling unloved and unwanted, it breaks my heart that he'd rather play xbox then with his son and spend time with his wife!? Any suggetions?
2007-11-21 11:47:06 · 47 answers · asked by Tina B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Our son is going to be 1 Dec 1st, You all make good points! I have tryed talking to him telling him that I don't feel loved and that i want him to do more with our son! He tells me " Well i do love you honey, and i love TJ too!" I ask him then why don't you spend more time with us he says" i do spend time with you come sit next to me""give me the baby i'll hold him on my lap"....half the time the baby don't even want to be held by him! (sobb) so he gets mad..."well the baby don't want me, i tell him that if you did more with him maybe he would!
2007-11-21 12:17:25 · update #1
I have tried to "spice" things up...NOTHING!! i have droped my night gowns in front of the tv before...i get " honey your in my way, move" or ahh your blinding me!
2007-11-21 12:24:19 · update #2
Well- a little tough love ought to do it. Next time he pulls his act...you need to pull one too- a dissappearing act! Find someplace to go for the night, maybe even a day or two. Let him be lonely for a little while, and see how it would be if that XBox was the only thing he had left. When you come back he'll no doubt have questions...that's when you need to explain to him how you feel, and see if he is willing to compromise. Worst case scenario is that he doesn't wise up...and you get the chance to find someone that can appreciate you. Good Luck.
2007-11-21 11:55:18 · answer #1 · answered by Cookies! 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Im not sure how old he is but if he has a son, then he is way to old to be obsessed with video games. He should be playing once in a while for fun, or when his son is older with him. You need to have a serious talk with him and maybe even some marraige counseling, because you did not start a family with this man so you could be second to a piece of plastic. Not that he is a bad person, but he is obviously immature and you just need to help him become more mature by leaving and seeing if he learns from that, or marriage counseling. Also find out from his parents or siblings how long this has been going on because if he has been addicted for a while it may be too late. Good luck honey
2007-11-21 11:53:33 · answer #2 · answered by littlefonte6 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most men will find alternate means to "unwind" and often times it is not found speaking to his wife/girlfriend (esp if they're whiners and/or nags).
As a woman, believe me, I truly do understand your frustrations; however, as someone who has been there (but, unfortunately our prob was a lil' more complicated than veg'n out over v-games), I have to honestly say, it is best to let it ride. He will snap out of it. Esp once he realizes how well adjusted you and ya's kid(s) have become in his habitual absence. PRAYER works wonders. But don't just pray that Jehovah would change him and his attitude but yours too. We never know and fully understand what another is going through (although we THINK we do). Often times, what we think is the prob/culprit really isn't, when others are involved.
Start planning things without him and should he begin to want to participate, leave room for him as well...but don't not do something because he's not a part of it. You'll be miserable, the kid(s) will suffer as well.
As a woman/wife/your husband's closest friend (whether he makes you feel that way or not right now), you've got to be the glue, the strength in the home. Sooner or later he'll come around and he's going to need you and I assure you that your tears/moments of loneliness/sweat will not be in vain if you just hang in there. LOYALTY is often among the 1st things to go in marriages these days--hence, why most end in divorce...Nasty divorces...Also, why so many hateful, condescending, abusing woman and eventual men as well. Horrible cycle and it's going to take us 1 individual, 1 family, 1 home, 1 communtiy, etc at a time to treat, heal, and move past the cycle that has gone forth before us.
PS. Never threaten to leave or give any person ultimatums...Decide what you're going to do and do it (no conditions, if's or but's attached).
2007-11-21 12:16:18 · answer #3 · answered by 4everFaithful 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try to compromise with him because obviously he's a big kid. Tell him maybe he could play his game with his friends after 9 PM or 10 PM so that you all can be a family for a couple of hours after he gets off of work. Or if he could limit his time playing to maybe 1 or 2 hours after work so that you have the rest of the evening together. Tell him you understand how he really enjoys playing and you don't want to take that away from him but on the other hand you won't be ignored or feel unloved by your husband. If he can't compromise then leave his a ss for a couple of weeks. See if he comes to his senses. Girl, it all comes down to how much you are willing to put up with. Start putting your foot down!
2007-11-21 12:02:26 · answer #4 · answered by 2good4U 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just stop.
Don't even bother to ask him to get off the games. A person can't make another person do something .. or if they do actually make them - the person probably resents it.
If you need to go somewhere .. simply tell him that you are leaving at a certain time .. then if he is not ready and on games .. walk out the door without him.
You won't get satisfaction by making him love you .. it needs to come naturally from him.
Hunt for something that is totaly interesting to you .. even if it takes you out of the home .. but go for it. Get your sites off of him sitting at the games .. just let him stay there.
Sometimes when a husband treats his wife like he is treating you .. it makes the wife material for an affair .. if someone should come along and bestow attention on them. So often, people are so starved for attention from their spouse who does not give it .. that they become desperate.
Just stay away from him, and his games. Let him talk to his friends .. you just don't talk to him.
Stop all the things you are doing now .. they are not working anyway. It sounds like he is also taking you for granted .. and he probably thinks you will alway "be-there" for him .. and the complaining doesn't bother him too much because he is getting to do what he wants to do. SO! .. change your strategy .. and change yourself.
It may take awhile before he notices that you have changed .. but he will eventually see it.
If he is that uncaring to you .. then you really don't have his attention.
Get yourself another life .. and see what his reaction is.
He is putting his games, his friends, first. Is this what you want for the rest of your life? If he can do this to you on a daily basis .. then it says a lot about what is inside of him.
Don't look at what he says ... look at what he does .. because what he does .. is what he wants to do.
Calm down .. and think this out. Even though your heart is breaking - face the reality of it all. You have needs .. and it seems he is only satisfying his needs .
2007-11-21 12:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by Tara 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him to stop being a child and grow up and be a man. No I don't think that games are just for kids. I'm an adult and still love playing PlayStation but it Never comes before my son. And playing for maybe an hour is unwinding, after that it is just playing to play. And if you are serious about leaving him than start writing down how much time he spends playing and ignoring his family. This information may be use full during court issues. Good luck.
2007-11-21 11:56:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
He sounds like he has not grown up yet. My husband used to do the same things. It really isn't the x-box, it is that he doesn't put you or your son first - it could be bowling, golf, football. When you have a family, they should come first. My husband ended up cheating on me because he did not put me or our children first. He never got it and thought I was just a bit**. I was ready to leave him but could not afford to. I made him sleep on the couch for months as I went back to college to become a nurse. I let him know that when I become a nurse I will be able to afford to leave him if things don't change. He has done a huge turn around and after a year he has come back into our bed. He knows I mean it. Do something to better yourself. You will feel so much better and if your husband does not change - you will have something positive to look forward to for you and your son.
2007-11-21 12:31:06 · answer #7 · answered by rn2b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's setting a very poor example for your son as well. He needs to agree to some limits or some marriage counseling.
I left my son's dad because he wouldn't give up the video games. It was for the best. It was a wake-up call for him. He puts more effort into his relationships now. It is much easier to leave a bad spouse before the baby is old enough to know better. Do what you think is best for your son, and everything else will fall into place.
After I left my son's dad, I met someone who enjoys family time and loves my son. My son has a good relationship with his dad, and he loves his step-dad as well. When he questioned having a split-up family (he saw regular families at pre-school) we explained that he's lucky because there are so many more people he has that love him - and extra sets of grandparents that send gifts at Christmas!
2007-11-21 12:04:05 · answer #8 · answered by katykangaroo8 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should look at his dad as well, did he do the same thing to him and his mom? Time for a reality check on his part. When did he decide to be a teenager again? What happened to make him this way?
Yes, I do spend time online, yes i do talk to my friends, but when it comes time to be a husband and dad, everything else gets set aside. Maybe it's time to take a small trip and let him wonder where you went. Even if it's just away for a couple of days, make him realize what he has, otherwise, he'll miss what he had.
2007-11-21 11:55:11 · answer #9 · answered by Steven D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
oops the xbox accidentally fell in the bin...... no i really feel for you it is not easy coming in second to an inanimate object. maybe your husband needs a real wake up call, pack your bags and go and stay with family for a while he will soon enough need feeding and someone to love him (an xbox might be fun but it definatley doesnt love you). Make him realise what he could really loose. Kind Regards and i hope everything works out well.
2007-11-21 11:53:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋