I need some reasons not to end it all?

Question

i have been thinking about suicide recientally, actually tried but just got really sick, i feel there is no way out.

I have been married for 10+ years to a wonderful and beautiful woman and have 3 children. here is where the fun begins... I am on the road to a medical diagnosis for a heriditary condition similar to ADD (only gets worse with time) but I have the added curse of not having 'theory of mind'. that means that I am in my own emotional world, I cannot feel empathetic, or know what other people are thinking or feeling. I completely DO NOT get facial cues either.

This has led to MANY years of my wife being angry and frustrated with me for 'not getting it'. My children have NO respect for me (2 of them have the same condition), and dont listen or anything. I have terrible planning skills, ie no retirement or savings. recientally my wife has detached from me and has said several times that she wishes i was dead, she would be better off.

I try to change but i cant.

we have been to a couple of Christian churches, but everyone is into themselves. we really tried, but have not felt the Word. I fear that I am clinically depressed and from doing some reading, possibably skitsofrenic (sorry couldent even make a good gress at that). I sometimes hear the thoughts raging in my mind, and it scares me. I have read 'battlefield of the mind' and it kinda made things clearer, but now all i see is that my wife has the battle going on (another sympton of my possible condition is 'that I dont have a problem').
She used to be kind, loving, hopefull, and a sparkle in her eyes. Now she is hateful, vindictive, and there is a ragefull fire in her eyes.
I keep telling myself it is because of my condition (only started to pin down 2 mos ago). And I have to trust how she sees things because my sence of reality is wraped inward. She and the boys went to her sisters for thanksgiving, she said that I was NOT going with them. here i am alone thinking this $#!t.

Answer 1

My husband and I have been down that similar roller coaster for years. When I met him, he had told me that he had A.D.D.
I didn't think much about it, when most women probably would have ran. I fell in love with him and accepted him for who he was and not what he was always doing. I married him.
After four years of taking Adderall medication, it began taking a toll on him. He became delusional and thought he was above the law and he started blowing money excessively. He would keep making the same mistakes thinking he would get a different outcome. It was very hard for me.
It had got to the point to where I was afraid to sleep in the same bed room with him. -I was 6 months pregnant at the time. I was so stressed out. I couldn't depend on him.
I knew I needed to get him help when he started talking to things that were not real. He was irrational and out of his mind. I had to get my family and his family involved to help enforce his place of well being. He needed help. The doctor diagnosed him with a Bipolar Disorder. They took him off his Adderall medication and detoxed him for a week before giving him a new medication called Lithium.
Let me tell you that it was like night and day. I am so happy and very thankful to the Lord for allowing me to have my husband back. Now, he is back on track and doing what he is suppose to be doing. My husband tells me that now he knows the condition he has and is aware of how to handle it, he can help his son if later he has the same condition.

None of this could not have happened without God in our lives.

There is this site called www.bipolar.com
It says;

Bipolar disorder, sometimes called manic depression, can be hard to detect because the symptoms can be similar to other mood disorders. Some people have the condition for 10 years or more before a healthcare provider diagnoses it.
The reason for this might have to do with the symptoms. When people are feeling manic or hypomanic, they are full of energy. They usually feel good. They feel "high on life" and don’t always seek help.
On the other hand, people are more likely to seek help when they fall into depression. When people feel depressed, they are likely to describe only depression symptoms to their healthcare provider. They may not mention the times when they are feeling “high on life,” since depression is what they are feeling at the time. Therefore, it’s common for a person to be incorrectly diagnosed with major depression instead of bipolar disorder.
In fact, nearly half of all patients who have bipolar disorder, sometimes called manic depression, will first be diagnosed with major depression. That’s why it’s important for people to say how they’ve been feeling weeks and even months before today to their healthcare provider in order to make it easier for the right diagnosis.
Many of the signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder can also be associated with other illnesses, such as anxiety disorders and schizophrenia. This can make it even harder for a healthcare provider to make a correct diagnosis.

Signs and Symptoms


The signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder can be different in each person.

Symptoms of depression include:

*Feeling sad or blue, or “down in the dumps”
*Loss of interest in things the person used to enjoy, including sex
*Feeling worthless, hopeless, or guilty
*Sleeping too little or too much
*Changes in weight or appetite
*Feeling tired or having little or no energy
*Feeling restless
*Problems concentrating or making decisions
*Thoughts of death or suicide

One person describes depression this way:
"I doubt completely my ability to do anything well. It seems as though my mind has slowed down and burned out to the point of being virtually useless. [I am] haunt[ed]…with the total, the desperate hopelessness of it all…Others say, 'It's only temporary, it will pass, you will get over it.' But of course they haven't any idea of how I feel, although they are certain they do. If I can't feel, move, think, or care, then what on earth is the point?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~``
Now my husband wants to say something from his point of view.


Hey brother, I have gone through these kind of emotional problems you are going through. I was diagnosed with ADD, was taking about 240 mg a day of ADDERRALL and it eventually led to me doing alot of things that caused me alot of trouble. It finally landed me in a situatioin where I was forced to go to a rehab and in there they found out that I had Bipolar Manic Depressive disorder. I had to stay there for about a month and they stopped the treatment for ADD and started me on Lithium and Serequel. The Lithium balanced me out and the Serequel helped me sleep. These things along with the love of our GOD Jesus Christ, I am here today with a beautiful wife and little boy, I am about to graduate with my Bachelors Degree and looking forward to what GOD has in store for me. LISTEN... the devil will try to convince you that you are worthless and inadequate and he will sometimes use the people closest to you to try and spread this messagte to you. This is what you have to do if you want to be happy. Ask Jesus Christ into your heart, ask him to be your lord and personal savior, ask him to forgive you of all your sins and tell him that you will follow him no matter what. GOD knows that this is in your heart, he knows that you are a good husband, he knows that you are a good father, this is why he blessed you with your wife and children. GOD knows the plans he has for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Jeremiah 29:15
LISTEN: pray to GOD and read his word and when your wife or someone does something or says something harmful to you, take a moment and ask GOD to send the devil and demons out of those people and to bring you peace and understanding. You may have to do this everyday or you may not. Definately get another psychiatrist that is going to help you and not just medicate you. Jesus loves you and I am going to pray for you brother, you can make it!

God Bless.

Answer 2

many smart people do not get facial clues, my friend. if you like, get a book called 'first impressions' and it will help you distinguish proper social behavior. it may interest you to know there is a company in new york that does nothing but teach the highest ranking CEO's of major companies how to be empathetic and have better social skills, you are not alone there. if you are just how trying to find a name, a diagnosis for this condition that causes you discomfort, well, you are doing a good thing. the more you know about it the better you will feel and the more control you will have over it. your wife does not mean the things she says, she is just frustrated. do you work? do you do something, anything that gives you joy? do you do things with your 3 children, who need you and will continue to need you even more as they become adults, and then will need your wisdom and presence in their lives so much. maybe they are too young to tell you this, but they do. so i am telling you. i believe you can master this condition, and you can become happier with your ;wife and give so much to your children, throw a baseball, take a walk, sometimes it is so simple. lets see what is ahead. i knew a man who had been thrown out a 20 story window by robbers. he hit something on the way down and lived but has a mangled left side. he said, 'i am going to be a long time dead, so now i rejoice every day i am alive'. know something else too? every year many people throw themselves off the golden gate bridge. a few survive. know what every single one of them says?' as soon as i jumped i knew i wanted to live'. so, tomorrow give thanks. smile and rejoice.

Answer 3

Go get the help you need and tell them honestly what you are feeling. I'm sure there is a right medicine which will work wonders for you. Life is to short to cut any shorter and there is alot to learn and enjoy if you will look around and give it a chance. I know about ADD and it cannot be cured but it can be controlled. As for your wife, she must not really love you since she is saying such things and letting the children say such things. Let her go. Not because she would be better off, but instead you would be better off. Maybe your marriage is part of your feeling because you have no support. A person with ADD needs all the support they can get. Really look around and see all the things you have done good in life. I'll bet they out weight the bad. Take get and good luck!!

Answer 4

i am so sorry for you. your wife needs to realize that this is not your fault and be more sympathetic. maybe she feels overwhelmed because the kids are having these problems as well. can you get into counseling? try making some friends or join a support group for people who have the same condition. also, sit down with your wife and tell her exactly what you have just posted on here. maybe if she sees just how close you are to the edge she will open her eyes and start to be more understanding and loving towards you. if not, then you need to leave this woman as a "wonderful and beautiful woman" would not tell her sick husband she wishes he was dead.

Answer 5

Honestly, the only reason I would end a friendship is lack of true respect. My friends and I have been through a lot and always remained friends even into adulthood but recently my friend told me she didnt have anymore room for anymore friends, thats her call not mine. But even my friend almost got me in trouble with the law I loved her anyway. Heck, I'm friends with my ex husband I cheated on and my current boyfriends 2 exes before me, I just dont waste time in judgement

Answer 6

you did mention you have been married to a WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL woman and 3 children.
you can feel what wonderful is...
you can feel what beautiful is...
.
at the best of times most people do not feel for others since they may not be close to us. its hard to feel empathy for everyone as empathy is harder to achieve than sympathy. we cannot know what others are thinking or feeling and we cannot live in others shoes 24/7 and then say youre dont have 'theory of mind'.
A.D.D is a new name of the 21 century in people who cannot be diagnosed as a specific problem. its like the fifth disease in which children get a viral rash but it has no cause or nor is harmful.its just behavioural problems. ADD is symptomatic of something inside them it is not the cause of the problem .
the very fact your torn to end it and your problem shows you do have distress, that is an emotion you have.
you have lost alot of confidence that is all, its resulting as no savings or retirement coz its another stress you cannot deal with. it doesnt mean its a cursor to the fact you cannot feel. alot of people dont have savings and some peeople dont have retirement savings or not alot of it either.
no one else in this life is better than you or smarter or has more money. every one has a cross to bear but hide it differently . dont compare yourself to others, you just need some encouragement and what you are feeling can be worked on but by no means are you clueless to emotion-just difficulty distinquishing what you feel, thats all.

Answer 7

Prayer changes people, circumstances, and situations, but mostly the individual doing the praying.

Don't look to other "people" for guidance look to GOD for answers and in deciphering your next steps in regards to your marriage and the condition the medical profession has prophesed over your life. Be very careful on who and what you all people to speak into your life and relationships (doctor's too). Remember that the matter of life and death are in the power of the tongue...Since you seem to be looking hard for answers, you may want to begin doing a study there. You'd be very surprised on what all you find and how it all ties into the "Battlefield of the Mind".

You're correct in recognizing that YOU cannot change...only Jehovah can make that happen, he only ask that you be willing and open to the change. From what it sounds, you are.

You cannot expect your wife to "see" what you see, as she cannot expect you to respond as she thinks you should to things. This is an area that as a wife, myself, am dealing with daily, but understand that I must trust that God is working in my husband, as I pray and know He is in me.

A lot of what you've described coming from your wife's actions and words sound more like pain and fear that she may be dealing with (perhaps with your issues, maybe something completely unrelated that may have been triggered as a result of the recent diagnosis); only she can deal with it and only she can open the door to share with you, which will prayerfully come in time as she prays and release things.
Understanding however frustrating this situation may be for you, I leave you with the following with the hope that your spirit will be lifted and your strength is renewed:
1. God had it all planned out in the beginning. For every door that is closed, there is another waiting on you to enter.
2. Greater is HE that is in me, than HE that is in the world.
3. GOD is. He is everything that He says He is and will do all that He says He can do.
4. I am who He says I am. I am the righteousness of Christ Jesus. I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. I am a child of the Almighty God!

I feel for you and your family. I pray that the Lord be with you all and that you remember now in your time of need the promises that has been made to you. He's promised to never leave, nor forsaken you...He's promised to provide for your every need.
This is the time, when it seems that all odds are against you, to grab a hold of His garment...to reclaim the promises of Abraham. To boldly go before the throne of your Father...of Our Father, and make your request(s) known to him...Then stand in awe, rather dance and sing you joyful jig as you watch and wait as it comes to pass. Your healing, physical, spiritual...Your marriage repaired, your relationship/friendship with your wife renewed, relationship with your kids renewed, etc.

"According to your faith, be it done unto you..." If you can believe it, if you can see it before it happens in the physical--Now, that is faith:)

Answer 8

Do you think ending it all will help your children? As for your wife she needs to get a clue if she really loves you she would be there to help you and your children. My dad has Parkinson's disease, half the time he does not now where he is. He has never thought about suicide. I think that it is a cop out.. Good luck.

Answer 9

You haven't mentioned that you have tried to get help. You have to , your kids have to and your wife has to . Don't wait on this at all . Seek professional counseling and make sure it is someone who knows of your illness. Make sure you take your meds too. I assume your doctor has prescribed some.
Remember your wife loved you enough at one time to merry you and have children together. Do what you can to get back to that .

Answer 10

Your children need you - believe it, but you need help. Talk to a psychyatrist, and your family should also be in counciling. It may be necesary to receive in patient care. I am no doctor, but you can't give up now. You and your wife once had somehting special, and your children are the result.
Fight for your own life and theirs....get help

Answer 11

The reasons should be because it is not right. God decides when your time on life is done. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Continue to get help and work on yourself. Go to church and connect with god. Connect with your family again. It is never too late. GOOD LUCK!