"A request for a change in a person’s behavior must be handled with great diplomacy. One may want to sit down with the person who is causing the conflict, admit one’s part in it, and explain why the situation has become intolerable to you."
I copied it from:
http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art45605.asp
which is a women's site. I really like the sentiment, and a lot of people could benefit, eh?
2007-11-21 10:37:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Gender Studies
yeah you shouldent try to change others but if you must try diplomacy will soften the blow of telling someone how irritating they are
2007-11-21 10:47:03 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
When trying to talk about a conflict, it also helps to use "I" messages instead of "you" messages. (Example: "I'm feeling very disappointed right now." Vs. "You disappoint me.") "You" messages make people feel defensive, and often provoke anger, which does nothing but interfere with communication and resolution. When communicating your feelings about something, it is best to tell the person how you feel, and not assign blame, labels, and "always or never" words to your partner.
Yes, that article had some great tips. I especially like the one that asks that we be willing to seriously think about and consider what our own role is in the creation or sustaining of a conflict. Rarely is anything always someone else's fault entirely. There are often things that both people can do to help resolve an issue.
2007-11-21 11:46:13 · answer #2 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a great sentiment, but here's where it's difficult to carry this out in real life:
Telling a guy you "want to talk" (which is what this is asking for) can be a death knell for the relationship. I find it better to suggest, diplomatically of course, at the time of the problem that the other person's actions are a problem for you. If they choose not to change, then you have to evaluate whether it's worth it to stay in that relationship.
Good luck! You've had some great questions lately!
2007-11-21 14:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by Rainbow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's awesome!
though, i'm thinking of a few scenarios in which only the person behaving in such a way has control over, & no one else could really have a "part in it"....
but being diplomatic & adult about the situation is *always* a good idea. i try not to nag, personally. it just makes things worse for all involved.
edit: as to "changing people"--changing a person's *behavior* is different than trying to change a person. for example, wanting your partner to take the trash out more quickly... that wouldn't be *changing them* if you requested they take the trash out as soon as they notice it's full, instead of leaving it for you to do every time. it could very easily lead to nagging, though, and this method would be ideal for that type of situation!
2007-11-21 10:48:13 · answer #4 · answered by Ember Halo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yeah it's an excellent sentiment. It's a non-threatening way of airing a grievance to someone, and doing it this way will provide the best opportunity to resolve it.
2007-11-21 11:04:07 · answer #5 · answered by Vanessa 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think it's the best way to resolve any kind of conflict with anyone, not just a romantic partner.
2007-11-21 11:23:45 · answer #6 · answered by koreaguy12 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey, if you can't handle your partner's behavior it's a huge clue that you are not compatible:
MOVE ON.
It's people who think they can 'fix' other people who are responsible for the high divorce rate.
People are who they are. Take it or leave it.
edit:
Conflict resolution may or may not work - there are just so many variables at work. It would depend on the seriousness of the undesirable behavior- is it
- leaving dirty laundry lying around (or)
- ongoing verbal and emotional abuse
If the behavior has become habitualised and is seriously disruptive and the guilty person doesn't want to 'own' the problem and change their behavior nevermind even talk about it
then...
It's time to hit the road.
2007-11-21 10:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 6⤋
That lady is right, that's basically how my marriage is run, on good solid communication, which reminds me I need to call my husband at work so that he doesn't misunderstand something; everything is fine. (smiles) He was tickled pink that I was worried about him.
2007-11-21 18:46:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That sounds perfectly acceptable. Now who do you suppose should be the one to teach that to married couples when they haven't asked to be taught?
2007-11-21 11:36:39 · answer #9 · answered by Rio Madeira 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
build a bridge and get over it
2007-11-21 10:47:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋