I found out that I was pregnant in september, his mum came to live with us a week before the wedding, but a couple of weeks after we were married he decides he NEEDS to go out with his mates, yet in the whole year we were engaged he NEVER went out once, even though I said for him to go out once in a while, he refused and said he weren't interested he would rather be with me.
But lately it feels like he ONLY wants to go out with his mates and we never go out anymore what can I do
2007-11-21 10:16:58 · 20 answers · asked by hyperactivetigger 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its probably the stress of all these changes all of a sudden. When you were dating and more or less carefree, it could be all about you and how much he enjoyed you. But marriage, pregnancy, his mom's constant presence...even if he loves you a lot, it can add up to make him feel overwhelmed and want that urge to escape. He's probably realizing that soon when babies come, his freedom is going to feel even more limited than it already does...its probably this last gasp at the freedom he used to take for granted.
I'd guess that once he adjusts and gets used to these new circumstances, it will pass. In the meantime though, how frustrating for you - I mean, you're the one who is pregnant, you've limited yourself for him just as much as he has!
2007-11-21 10:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by Janelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it might have to do with the fact that his mother is living with you guys. makes for a very stressful situation! And now he has to face the reailty--he's married with a child on the way. he needs to get out in order to decompress from all the stress he's under. If he never wants to go out with you, try to find out if there's a way that he can get his friends to come to YOUR house and hang out at least once. Make it as pleasurable of a situation for your honey as you can. If that means baking cookies and serving them all, do it. If it means you leave them alone all night and then kiss him after he's done playing with the boys, do it. this will help keep him home, though it might not mean spending time with you. But you have to decide which is most important to you.
2007-11-21 10:22:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a good question...but seems like only the guys would understand.
Opnion...
First...empathy...the ability to understand your husband's feelings (maybe not all...but this one).
Just from what I read from your description...
Your husband cares alot about your feelings during your entire engagement. He stayed with you even though you told him to go out with his buds. He is interested in only you.
Now what has changed from then to now? Pregancy and your mum living with you. So in a very short time he has had to adjust to you becoming pregnant AND your mum. This is not easy. Alot of women think that it won't be a problem for the husband because they come up wtih the idea (my husband loves me, he'll adjust and accept everything). It's not that easy. If there was no growing in period to slowly adjust to the pregnancy...then to adjust to the mother-in-law...his pressure to understand where he fits in and to still make everyone happy is alot. He will have the need to get away to go back to something familiar...to the bar with his buddies for a while...to drink...and to talk about his situation with the guys.
Imagine yourself thinking that everything was fine and your husband without prior notice tells you that because he just lost his job you both (and baby) have to move to his mum's home. You have to sell everything because all your furniture won't fit. Powww!...no adjustment. You are living in your mother-in-laws home, your husband is now also not just taking care of you, but also his mother. You no doubt would go to have days with your friends (something familiar) to talk about what's going on.
Immediate changes...or any changes for that matter is not easy for everyone to accept right away.
If you want to go out together...even while pregnant...do something together that he will feel comfortable with. Sure, you're pregnant now...but you were a couple first. Go get that back and then bring everything else. Because if he doesn't adjust and accept the stress changes in his life, then you're in for more problems...someone who doesn't want to face it and leave.
2007-11-21 10:49:26 · answer #3 · answered by stonehands 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him, but do your best to leave the emotions out of it. Many men get a bit scared about pregnancy, they feel they are no longer the center of your world. Marriage, his mother, and a baby on the way, I'd say he's been thrown for a loop. Be patient, and be honest with him.
Good luck hun.
2007-11-21 10:23:36 · answer #4 · answered by velvetca1972 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Could it be that the mum is driving him nuts? It's obvious not you because he was with you at home for a year before you guys tied the knot. Why is she living with you guys? That's the worst thing to do for newlyweds. She needs to be with a family member who is not married. Next time, ask him can you go with him and tag along. Where is he going? You are preggers and he has to be there for you for support. His friends are more important now? Out of the blue he wants to hang out with his friends for old time's sake? Whassup with that? That is totally unacceptable!!!
2007-11-21 10:33:04 · answer #5 · answered by GI Jane 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Here's my thought...I don't think his behavior is a sudden change, it's one of those situations where he's showing is true colors. He didn't want you to see them during the engagment because he probably knew you'd leave him. So what you're dealing with now is probably his real personality, unfortunately. I would have a serious talk with him and see how it goes. He has a family now and it's time to act like a responsible father and a husband.
2007-11-21 10:27:00 · answer #6 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that isn't acceptable. You need to negotiate a compromise that both of you can live with - and stick to it!
If he doesn't do this, you can rest assured he'll do the same with other stuff - important stuff. So if he refuses to talk or renages on his agreement, move out.
If that doesn't give him a wake up call like a bucket of ice water, file for divorce.
2007-11-21 10:24:14 · answer #7 · answered by Arsan Lupin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First you need to stop panicking. Nothing will drive him closer to his mates than your irrational behavior.
Next you need to realize that your pregnancy is causing changes in him as well. And just like the changes you are experiencing, these changes will not last forever.
Find your patience in reality.
Good luck.
2007-11-21 10:22:03 · answer #8 · answered by box of rain 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't worry about it. Probably he just got comfortable with them at this point. And since he hasn't gone out in a while, he probably suddenly wanted to.
Be patient and supportive. Let him know that you want more time with him, but let him know it positively.
As for what you can do, just sex him. Don't ask for his permission. Just, when he shows up, take him. Do things to him.
Hard to want to be out with the boys very long when you know that when you get back to your place, she is there waiting to pounce on you and do things to you.
2007-11-21 10:22:52 · answer #9 · answered by Avatar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's trying to enjoy being able to go out before the baby is born. Trust me once it's here no one will be going out. I suggest you do the same.
2007-11-21 10:25:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋