Men and Women Was I being unreasonable?
My ex boyfriend and I had a fight over disaplining my 7 yr. old. Finally I asked him how should I approch you when I don't agree with what you're doing. He said if I knew anything about him then I should understand him and give a chance to do it. I said it wasn't fair and he got mad, told me I thought that men were all bad and girls were all good, like I don't like men. This really hurt and pissed me off so I told him to get out.
8 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.
2007-11-21
09:21:29
·
27 answers
·
asked by
single mami
2
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Marriage & Divorce
the conversation was about spanking my child, I have allowed him to spank her. However last year he was to hard on her and spanked her off an on for over a hour, I've never gotten over it. He has got better, but he still is hard on her, I'm a bit to soft on her, so I wanted a middle ground, I feel that I should have a say so about what he does to her.
2007-11-21
09:31:22 ·
update #1
she got sent home from school for being defiant. She was bad all that week and we had just left the district office.
2007-11-21
09:41:36 ·
update #2
there was one boyfriend who was helping take care of girlfriend's kid, the kid wouldn't go to bed, so the boyfriend threw him 9 feet across the room and killed him. think about htat.
2007-11-21 09:23:55
·
answer #1
·
answered by ? 5
·
7⤊
1⤋
Don't let him hit your kid. Don't you hit her, don't let her father hit her, or your mother or anyone else. The only thing that teaches children that it's OK for big people to hit little people.
You're the one to decide how and when you discipline your daughter. Spanking her on and off was way out of line, maybe even abuse. Why on earth would you let anyone do that to your kid? He behaved like a bully and has no place in your child's life.
His behavior might be contributing to why she was "bad and defiant" all week. See if her behavior doesn't improve now.
What is your EX-boyfriend doing there anyway? Or did you mean this is why he's an ex? If so, good riddance to bad rubbish. This guy is bad news.
2007-11-21 10:01:13
·
answer #2
·
answered by Debdeb 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
It's YOUR child, and as such YOU are the ONLY one that should be disciplining him/her. He's just your boyfriend, even if he was your husband, he would still have no right whatsoever to discipline YOUR child. As the mother you and only you knows what's best for your child, don't let him tell you what to do.
I would never choose a man over my children, unless it's their father, then I would sit down with him and discuss what the best way to discipline them would be, other than that, what you decide to do is your call and he needs to learn to respect your choices and he needs to grow up.
*edit*
I just read your additional details, how in the world did you allow him to keep spanking her off and on for over an hour? Woman this is your child, you need to watch out for her, these are things you will never be able to erase from her mind. If you feel uncomfortable about him spanking her then you did the right thing when you kicked him out, if he can't accept the way YOU want YOUR child to be raised, then he is NOT worth your time. Your daughter comes before any man out there, she is precious and she deserves respect. I don't want to sound harsh or anything, but there are so many stories out there of mother's that allowed their boyfriends or new husbands to "discipline" their children from previous relationships, and they have done it so hard that the children either get taken away and put in foster care (which I'm sure is not good for children) or they hurt them so badly that the child dies. Please think about all these things before letting him back in your lives, if he can't respect your parenting choices, then he is not the one that needs to be in your lives, don't make excuses by saying that you are too soft on your baby, he can't be excused.
God bless you!! I hope you find the correct path to follow.
2007-11-21 09:33:14
·
answer #3
·
answered by Butterflies 4
·
1⤊
1⤋
You were way out of line.
If you have him in a position where he is responsible for disciplining your child, you have to trust him to do the right thing and respect his decision even if it is different from your own. Of course you should not tolerate abuse or anything like that. But you have to learn to let him make a decision, and you have to support it. That's a big part of being partners as parents. You will not always agree with each other on decisions in raising children, but you cannot let that come between you. And you definitely cannot let the children know that you disagree. If you have a prefered method for handling certain situations, perhaps you should advise him for next time. If he disagrees, hear him out. Learn to compromise. But do not get into a habit of underminding each other.
2007-11-21 09:32:12
·
answer #4
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
well altho i dont agree with the "system" its probably becouse women have always been a symbol of purity, and anything which destroys this illusion in the generic dumb/gulable male brain make's em no longer want the woman, its just like how men are allowed to be crude messy and have sex with a shed loada women and are called cool for it, but when a woman does the same thing, is branded a whore for life, doomed only to repeat the mistake with other *** hole guys becouse all the guys actually looking for a relationship thinks she aint worth the time of day, its not fair, but doubt it will change soon
2016-05-24 22:35:43
·
answer #5
·
answered by ? 3
·
0⤊
0⤋
Couples counselling - now. Run, do not walk.
You two obviously don't know how to communicate if you say stupid things like: "I knew anything about him then I should understand him and give a chance to do it" and "told me I thought that men were all bad and girls were all good, like I don't like men".
Stupid, childish, unreasonable, selfish, and potentially dangerous.
You aren't telepaths, and a couple can be together for 70 years and still surprise each other . . . and not always pleasantly. Learn how to communicate, or learn how to live apart.
2007-11-21 10:07:40
·
answer #6
·
answered by Arsan Lupin 7
·
0⤊
0⤋
The ONLY people that are allowed to discipline my children...is their father (my ex) and of course me....Your boyfriend sounds a bit immature by the way...
Also...I don' agree with hitting...there are other ways to disapline...and if another man ever laid a hand on my child...He would be picking his teeth up off the ground....
2007-11-21 09:25:47
·
answer #7
·
answered by Anonymous
·
4⤊
0⤋
you know yourself that you are feeling extremely uncomfortable about how he is being too hard on your daughter. you already know that it was very harsh for him to spank her like you have described
your daughter is precious, she can never be replaced, her memories of her childhood can never be erased
she is your child, your responsibility,
are you really going to let him keep disciplining her when you feel so uncomfortable about it
i feel for you i really do, but your daughter is only an innocent child.........and she shouldnt be exposed to someone like that and you have done the right thing telling him to get out
you are right to put your kids before him
be proud of yourself and i am sure your daughter will thank you some day for it to
ps i would love to know what she did to warrant his spanking!!!! let me know and keep your head held high girl
2007-11-21 09:38:09
·
answer #8
·
answered by toast 1
·
1⤊
0⤋
Let me tell you one thing: Only you can put a hand on your child; nobody else has the right to. Afterall, he's your ex already.
Talk to him and raise your concerns. If it doesn't work, time to leave him.
I wish you all the best. Hope I helped.
2007-11-21 12:28:11
·
answer #9
·
answered by Nicey 4
·
0⤊
0⤋
Love your child and not let the boyfriend handle things,the child always ends up hurt one way or another.
2007-11-21 09:28:08
·
answer #10
·
answered by Anonymous
·
0⤊
0⤋
You are the parent of your child, he is not this child's parent and he should respect your choices as a parent. Since he doesn't then telling him to get out is the right answer.
2007-11-21 09:31:32
·
answer #11
·
answered by Jen70 3
·
0⤊
0⤋