Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!!! My ex can push my buttons so much that I want to start punching his face in and never stop!!! Messy separation and other people involved on both sides, kids staying with me but huge financial issues to sort out etc etc.... But I used to worship the ground he walked on and now 5 minutes in his company and even him flicking a pen and the way he talks winds me up to the point where I could be done for serious GBH!!!
Calm me down please...............
2007-11-21 08:39:33 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I love the man I married but he isn't that anymore. Maybe that's the problem?? Very sad now...... cos we aren't even friends
2007-11-21 08:44:50 · update #1
Best thing to do is just remove yourself from him, dont let yourself get so worked up that your blood preasure goes way up. when you start to think of him, or see him try to think of more pleasent times, or walk away.
2007-11-21 08:45:05 · answer #1 · answered by tiny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way is to seperate as much as you can, break as many links to him as possible and you should start with the financial ones.
Give him an ultimatum that either you come to an fair agreement and seperate any debts so they are no longer connected or you will go to a solicitor.
The only thing remaining will be of course your children so the sooner you deal with all this 'stuff' the better, you will improve your relationship with him which can only be better fro your children.
Be ruthless, kick out anything he still has in your house, go through every single little thing you are connected by but go through them one at a time rather than as a whole which can be daunting.
But remember, be fair, no matter who did what, whose fault it was, you have to accept this man will always be in your life to an extent, that's what happens when you have children.
Finally, regardless what i say above keep one thing in the back of your head that this this guy is no longer your husband, he's not your boyfriend, etc and you don't owe him any favours. Being fair means 50-50 or accepting what debt is yours, but it doesn't mean you give an inch where it isn't, it doesn't mean you don't let him rip you off or take advantage.
Make the complete break, keep your distance, only have any contact when it's absolutely 100% essential and make this man your connected to in so many ways finally into an 'ex'.
2007-11-22 04:07:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love and Hate are both powerful emotions and polar opposites. So the strength your felt of one will be reflected in the strength in the other.
You see need to seek some help to get your rage back under your control.
If you can't afford counselling, take up yoga through a community college or such like. You can try diaphragmatic breathing. It takes a little while to learn, but here are the basics.
Unplug the phone, and try find someone to mind your kids.
Sit in a straight backed chair, with your spine straight. Feet flat on the floor, knees together. Rest your hands palms down on your knees. Close your eyes. Take a slow breath in for the count of 3, hold for 2, and breath out slowly through your nose for the count of 4. Pause and do it again. Ideally you should try and do this for about 15 minutes a day, and it will become second nature.
When you feel yourself being wound up by anyone, ex included, you can just breathe.
2007-11-21 17:25:17 · answer #3 · answered by N L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a thin line between love and hate, ( it's not just a corny song). The same things you used to love so much about a person can make your skin crawl later on. It's natural that with the change in your relationship your feelings will change. So don't think you need to calm down, this is one of the few times in your life when it's socially acceptable to throw a tantrum. The plus side is eventually you'll get over it and find someone new who hopefully will worship the ground you walk on.
2007-11-21 16:45:17 · answer #4 · answered by trinisugar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is pushing your buttons because you are letting him. It isn't that you despise him, it is the fact that you are hurt and angry at him. I do not know the reason for the separation/divorce but there are so many phases to this transition in someones life. First you are deeply in love with them, then whatever the reason for the divorce, then you are deeply hurt by what has happened, then you get really pissed off, then it feels like you hate the person,(which in reality it is all the emotions mixed up in one and makes you think that you do despise them) Last but not least You deal with what God gave you in life and it is easier to accept the things that you can not change. As hard as it is let it roll off your back and remember words aren't as loud as actions. Some people talk, talk, talk, and have no clue how to back it up.
2007-11-21 16:47:19 · answer #5 · answered by Miss Behavin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some say there is a thin line between love and hate. Experts say take 5 slow and easy deep breaths and it sends calming endorphins to the brain, which in turn will calm you down. Good Luck, and remember
Don't sweat the small stuff and most of it is small stuff!
2007-11-21 16:47:57 · answer #6 · answered by experienced in life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself. My ex cheated on me, lied about it, conceived his child while we were "still deciding whether or not to work it out", and continues to deny that she did anything wrong.
Unfortunately, it will just take time. For now, all you can do is just take a deep breath every time you feel anger, resentment, etc. and let it go. You may have to do this several times a day.
Good luck. Hang in there.
Tom
2007-11-21 17:03:04 · answer #7 · answered by Tom P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotions can be look at as a circle rather than a line. Looking at it like a circle, Love and hate are next to each other. Directly opposite of love is Apathy. So do not let him push your buttons, that is something you can control. Do not react adn it will quit.
2007-11-21 17:00:05 · answer #8 · answered by bootsontheroad 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best way try to move place where you are and far away from him as possible if he rely make you angry.
Think about your children as the most important in your life, focus of your job and your children, if you believed of God then pray. As some people pray or going to the church make them feel better, or read bible.
Please always try to think about your children as children need parent, you should try to talk to him in he calm way that please to make me annoyed and suggest or make opinion to him that we should be friends for sake of our children even we not together.
It a lot more better of life for children if both parent good friend even you not together.
2007-11-21 16:50:20 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have alot of anger and resentment towards your ex. He hurt you. Eventually your going to have to deal w/ those issues. The sooner the better.
Try to realize he's a human that has made too many mistakes for you to put up w/.
You know they say when you hate someone you give them a little piece of you. Try to forgive!
Put it in Gods hands. Pray to God to forgive him, in due time.
2007-11-21 16:43:49 · answer #10 · answered by Kendra420 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋