How do you feel about the prospect of nursing your elderly parent until the end?

Question

After all they looked after you when you were young, can you repay the favour?
Or do you think we only have one shot at life? And we need to make the most of what is best for us?

Answer 1

I did it with my mother. She had cancer, had a mastectomy, but then got secondaries. I took her 5 times a week to have radiotherapy, later I took her for chemotherapy. We used to sit in a corridor, looking at other people with cancer. I got the green boxes for quite a few people, because they had nobody with them to do it for them. I worked full time (I'm male with four children if thatny difference at all) but then took a second job to pay for my mother to go to a sort of alternative place in Bristol. That didn't work. Anyway, to cut an agonising story short, she died at 64 in a hospice, I was with her, holding her hand, heard her take her last breath. But it seemed that the funeral was no sooner over than I started to look after my gran (mother's mother) and her elderly sister, who shared a house. The elderly sister, my great aunt, died 6 years later of bronchitis and old age, and a year later my gran died, aged 95.
HOWEVER - my mum had an absolutely rotten life with my father, and the least I could do was care for her in every way when she was ill. As for my gran - I am one of identical twins and when we were babies my mum looked after my brother and my gran looked after me. So ... as age comes and goes, I took great care of her.
I don't think that society really understands the problems that old people face. With my gran and great aunt I was able to relieve all their burdens, of whatever kind. Too much detail to go into now.
But to simply answer your question - YES. Look after them. The older you get, the more you realise what they did for you.

Answer 2

For some people it's not the case of having one shot at life and making the most of it. It's all down to finances and keeping a home going. A lot of families need to be bringing in two wages to be able to keep a home going. If one has to stay at home to look after an elderly parent they could end up loosing that home as they can't keep up with the bills etc. I'm sure lots of people who have elderly parents in nursing homes wish that they could care for them but financially they can't.

Answer 3

My 88 yr old mother is now in a nursing home and loves it. She's in a private room, has her livng room chair and her tv. They treat her very well and we're very thankful for that. She wouldn't dream of letting any of her children look after her in their homes. When she was growing up she saw too many families ruined because they had a parent living with them. She always made a point of telling us that no matter what happens not to have her or my Dad live with us.

If I were to have her live with me I would have to quit my job and be with her full time which would be a financial strain. She is always cold and my electric heating bills would go through the roof. I would have to get rid of some of my beloved pets. She requires a lot of quiet time so life would be very difficult to say the least. Mom also requires a lot of medical attention and as we live in the country and I don't drive it would very difficult transporting her for appointments and as she is wheelchair bound it would be quite impossible.

She's not the easiest person to get along with so we would probably be butting heads regulary. I did consider taking her in when she first became ill but my brother talked me out of it.

Hope this doesn't sound like it's all about "me" but these are my thoughts.

Answer 4

I have two brothers and when my dad was terminally ill we had a kind of timetable so one of us could be there most of the time. Their wives helped out too so we managed between us. My mum was still alive (and still is I have to say) and is in the picture of health. We're all busy people with jobs and families and other responsibilities but we're very close.

I was blessed with my parents - they were/are the best people in the world. I'm sure if I had different parents my life would've turned out differently. They really did mould me in a positive and loving way, with firm but fair discipline and lots of cuddles and words of encouragement. I'm really lucky. One of my brothers had terrible athsma when he was little and my mum and dad stayed up all night on many occassions to nurse him. When I was 18 I was in hospital with a kidney infection and although I was living away from home, my mum insisted I went back to her house to recouperate so she could look after me. When I've had my babies she's been round at my house for the first couple of weeks to help out and when my first husband was arrested for paedophilia she practically moved in, even though my dad wasn't well and she had a full time job.

So of course I would be willing to nurse her should I need to and yes right to the bitter end. She deserves such attention and I wouldn't be any kind of daughter to her if I didn't.

Answer 5

My father is married to a younger woman and has two younger daughters who would be in a better position to look after him if it came to that, but I do worry about my mother and expect that she will end up living with my family sooner or later. It's not out of gratitude - she was a great mum when I was little, but basically kicked me out at 17 because she had better things to do - but out of love and respect.

Can't say I'm entirely looking forward to the prospect as she is a very independent person and would have to be in a poor state to want to give that up and come live with us.

Answer 6

I nursed both of my parents until the end. They both had cancer. I felt it wasn't only my duty. But also my honor as well. They took great care of me while I was growing up. Made a lot of sacrifices for my benefit too. I owed it to them to help out when they needed me the most. If I had to do it all over again. I would in a heart beat.

Answer 7

I do understand the reason you have asked this question, as I surely have in many circumstances discovered myself questioning precisely the comparable element. the actuality of the subject is, maximum elderly people want desirable care. In severe circumstances, some elderly people require care that includes using lifting kit, which will advise that childrens wishing to handle this criminal accountability could choose to have transformations achieved to their properties. There are additionally different factors to contemplate such as medical standards, hygiene, medical care etc that the infants won't be waiting to furnish to their elderly dad and mom. It has additionally been heard that many aged people could choose to circulate to a nursing abode, as they do no longer desire to be a burden on their youngster's lives. Nursing properties, the sturdy ones - there are some undesirable ones obtainable - furnish high quality care, and additionally furnish an atmosphere the place social interplay with different citizens is obtainable. An elderly man or woman being cared for by making use of youngsters will possibly no longer have this interplay as presently, purely approximately unquestionably everybody works to take care of an in depth to frequent existence-form. My important different's mom is in a nursing abode, as she demands complete time care simply by outcomes of an in depth to deadly stroke. it may be impossible for any of her infants, or her husband to furnish the point of care that she demands. I understand why you ask this question, yet in many circumstances, that's no longer achievable for infants to be looking after elderly dad and mom.

Answer 8

Well they were young at the time. I know that my mother would not like me to put my life on hold, until she died. She put my dad in a home. If I were to take care of my mother myself, my husband of 2 years would suffer, our marriage would suffer. She needs 24 hour care, because she can't differentiate between night and day. I know that is not what my mother would have wanted. She has always been totally selfless. Because of what she went through with my dad. she knows the exact situation, or would if she didn't have Alzheimer's. Sometimes I go to see her, but never get there. It breaks my heart too much. Most times I go, her carers have to take me away as I get too upset. The guilt is unbelievable, even though you know it is the best thing for her. My family is broken because of this. She doesn't know who I am FFS. I know, my Mam wouldn't have it any other way, because it is for the best all round. Not for one minute does it make it any easier.

Answer 9

Having nursed people at home before, it should not be gone into without a lot of thought. It's a 24/7/365 option, no time off for good behavour. Those who say they nursed us forget that we grew up. Sadly, elderly parents only tend to get more like children and need constant care.

Answer 10

It would be a privilege & honour...
And i do think given that we have just one shot at life, it would be best for them as well as for us.

And its not a question of repaying the favour, its about wanting to do it, out of love & respect.