Im a single mother of two. I was married to the father but he became abusive and is thankfully gone but now...

Question

I am exhausted by my kids. They are 1 & 4 and I never imagined being a single mom. I am working my *** off and barley making it....in fact currently we dont have running water cause I couldnt make the bill. When my ex left he left alot of debt. Its hard and I have family help but bottom line is...I dont think I am a good mom. I cant even provide for them. I dont have much joy or tolerance for them. I put on a great front for them but really inside I hate being a mom. I didnt always feel this way. Im not trying to be selfish but seriously I work so hard and nothing seems to add up. They deserve better than me. I love them but I suck. Everyday I think of running away or giving them to my family. I no I am horriable but does anyone understand?

PS I would never lay a finger on my babies...NEVER

Answer 1

I am sure that there will be a few who disagree with me here, but if you are not hurting your kids, and they are not hungry, then you are doing great right now.
Starting out on your own is tough. Having two kids on top of that is quite a challenge. I spent several years on my own with just my son, and it was hard.
It would be imposable not to think that not having to deal with your kids would make things so much better, and that can make you resent them at times. Those are just feelings, and sometimes the feelings we have inside are pretty ugly. Those feelings only define who we are if we let them shape our actions.
Now to turn you around.
Go to your local family services office and ask them for a list of all the agencies that can help you. Sign up for help if you are not getting it already. Ask where the food pantries are and if there is an agency that helps teach living skills, (like budgeting and stuff). Some towns have a free store, or a place that gives clothing to the needy, and almost all towns have a second hand shop where you can get good used clothes CHEAP.
Get to church. Go just so you can let someone else take your kids for a few hours a week without anyone being able to see anything bad in it, if you can't find another reason. Let them get to know the love of God to help fill in the spot there father has left open. Do not be afraid to ask for help yourself while you are there. Churches will often help the needy with out of control bills.
Do not expect prince charming to ride up and save you. If he rides up and pays your water bill, go ahead and give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Just remember that it would be easy to fall into a worse situation than you just left. Abuse victims tend to be repeat offenders, seek counseling before you get deep into another relationship. Premarital counseling is defiantly in order next time around for you.
If all else fails and your feelings start to get the best of you, ask someone to take your kids. Send them off for a day or forever, but be sure they are safe. If you do that for them, you can always hold your head high.
Email me if you want. May God watch over you and your children, and ease your load.

crazy_kizmet@yahoo

Answer 2

I went through the same thing that u are last summer, my husband and I seperated so for a year I was a single mom of 2 boys, 2 and 5. I was working 2 jobs as a bartender but with school clothes, rent, utulities,food and basic needs I was running way behind on everything. At one point I got 1,700.00 behind onmy rent. I remember I felt like I was a bad mom and I just wished that someone would come and take the boys, but that doesnt make u a bad parent, its all caused from stress and even though u look at is as ur a bad mom, its ur minds way of telling you that u know thing are tough right now and something has to happen. I used to cry all the time cause I felt so bad I couldnt ever buy a toy for the boys when we went to the store. I had to hauk my rings so that I could buy my son B-Day presents. That was horrible but you have to do what ever u can for ur children. The hatred will go away and u will come to find that its not them u hate or cant stand, its ur sittuation, then u will be ready to make ur next move twords a happier life. Your kids scence every emotion u have so putting on a good face wont help. Be honest with them and urself.

Answer 3

All you can do is do the best you can. I hope you're pursuing some monetary support from your ex - he owes it you and the kids, and no matter how big of an *ss h*le he is, you need to make sure he's sending money. It will help a lot so that you don't have to work so hard to be sole support of two pre-school aged children. Don't let him off the hook and don't beat yourself up so much!! Your children love you best *because* you're their mom, but if you can't do it and have family who are willing, maybe that would be best. Just be sure to stay REALLY active in their lives so that they know you love them and want what's best for them.

Answer 4

Yes I understand what you are saying and the only thing you can do is your best those kids didn't ask to be here you and your ex put them here and you are obligated to do the best you can possibly do to take care of them you don't want to see what abandoning them can do to them they need you them kids look to you as their everything and if you give up on them what is that gonna teach them. I am pretty sure that there is programs in your county to help low income people pay a portion of their bills if not all . Look for a Community Action or some other community program . Look in your kids eyes and think of the pain that you would cause them and then you tell me if you could do that . Those kids don't see what you are not doing they see that mommy is there and is the one stable thing in their life . Hold your head high because I truly believe that you can do it.

Answer 5

Yes, completely understandable,

1. Look for options for welfare and women helping groups
2. Talk to debtors and let them know you are separated and explain the situation and get the debt off your name.
3. Try to find a nice man that are willing to accept you and your kids as a package and offset the load.

Don't take it out on the kids. I know it might seem hard, ask your family (parents, siblings, and friends) to help out watching the kids.

Take kids to the park, play with other children, join groups like moms club, singles mom's group. Women's group.

Contact Smiling Angels.org and seek assistance.

go to your local chamber of commerce and see what they can do to help you.

You are on the right track, asking for help is the first step, the help shall come to much deserved you.

You seem very nice, selfless and sacrificial and sound like a good mother.

You are doing everything right, keep it up and follow some tips I gave you, it will get even better.

Contact me if you want to talk more.

Hugs

Answer 6

I don't believe that....Your just frustrated. Don't get me wrong when I say this..but try joining a church that way you have people who love to help you out..When you get to know church people they are always willing to babysit or come over and help you out. You may even make some new friends or make some new connections for a better job.
It doesn't have to be about the religion itself but socializing with adults your age can help relieve some of the stress of being a mother. And the kids can go to sunday school daycare for free and you get somedown time

Answer 7

You are not a horrible mom....you are just stressed out with the huge responsibility you have. You hate being a mom right now because of everything you have to deal with and you feel like you are letting them down. Trust me they don't know the difference if there is running water or not, they just know you are mom and love them. See if you can get some sort of government financial assistance or bite the bullet and move in with a family member if you can until you get on your feet financially. That will get rid of the financial stress and you will be able to enjoy your children more. I can absolutely understand your feelings but don't give them to your family because they wouldn't understand and it sounds to me like you really love them but are just overwhelmed by your current situation.

Answer 8

Do Not Give Up...Pray and if that isn't helping you...then PRAY some more. (P.U.S.H.-means Pray Until Something Happens) Pray for more strength, guidance, and a financial blessing. It works!! Trust me, I am a single mom too. I'm not really the religious, holier than thou type either. I've been through a lot of bad things in the past year and I know that only God has kept me going. It's true when they say he won't give you more than you can bare.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Happy moments, Praise God
Difficult moments, seek God
Quiet moments, worship God
Painful moments, trust God

Eventhough things are hard right now, trust me your kids love and appreciate you. You may think you are a bad mom, but they probably think you're the best Mom in the world because you are there everyday and working hard.

Answer 9

Consider talking to the family members in your family that will understand. Maybe someone would be willing to take them for a while until you can get on your feet. You are too overwhelmed right now. I commend you for getting them and yourself out of the abusive relationship. No one should live through that. Just that alone tellls me that you are a good mom.
Stop beating yourself up....you are doing the best you can with what you have.
Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 10

Hey- Your in a hard time in your life--its so much easier to just give up and give in. Chin up and find the goodthings that you have, and focus on them. Have you talked to your local charity folks in town,and have you any help from the Gov. Sometimes we have to accept that we need help, its ok to ask,our country is a wonderful place for that. I know it makes you feel less than others, but thats not a bad thing for it makes us work even harder to acheive those things--But i will tell you happy doesnt know things. You didnt ask to be married to an abusive man and i am sorry for that for he wasnt a man, but just someone who is sucking up oxygen in this world.. buck up wrap your arms around the 2 wonderful children and BE THANKFUL that you have each other.........