I have not been married long but feel i dont love my husband any more. He is a good person but i feel he wants a house keeper rather than a wife. He does nothing in the house, is totally oblivious to anything and i am really starting to resent him. He makes excuses and lies about working late so that he can avoid coming home first and starting tea. He walks in while i am making tea, doing washing, feeding dog and hoovering to ask if there is anything needing doing. why cant he see for himself what needs doing. i feel like his mother rather than equal partner. He is 45 but cant use a washing machine! He has never washed the bath, fridge, dusted, washed floor etc etc. i feel he is so lazy and i am loosing all respect for him. trying to talk to him is pointless and i have given up trying - he just withdraws and goes in a huff and wont talk for days on end. we never argue there is just no communication. He wont try to resolve things it is always down to me. what do i do?
2007-11-21 04:08:58 · 25 answers · asked by cottontail 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him straight. You need to talk. Communication is the key. I have lost my wife through non communication although we were equal and shared the chores etc. Please use a counciler if not before its too late.
2007-11-21 09:45:48 · answer #1 · answered by Tris 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you and your husband need to seek some counseling. If you haven't been married long, you need to work this out before it is too late.
You probably feel like you are falling out of love because of all of the resentment building up. The love can come back if you work through these issues.
It sounds as though what you need is a negotiation about household duties. He isn't going to just "pitch in" if he doesn't want to. If he is 45 and doesn't know how to use a washing machine, then it is time you teach him.
A counselor will be able to help you negotiate these chores. Give it a try.
2007-11-21 12:49:55 · answer #2 · answered by Terri Klapperich 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop doing everything for him. If you can cope with it dont do any of the housework and see if he does anything about it - my husband was the same and little by little I resented him for it so I went on strike. When the house was like a war zone he actually took time off work to do the cleaning and ever since has always helped around the house- my respect came back for him and I realised that I loved him all the way through just couldnt see it through the resentment.
2007-11-21 12:14:15 · answer #3 · answered by Redhead 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG... thats just like my husband.. and we are separated now. IF you really can't live with it then you need to sit down and talk or go for some marriage counselling. Maybe it is saveable if he can see how important an issue this is for you and if he loves you. He is probly just taking it all for granted and thinks it isn't such a big deal. Please tell him how u are feeling i bet he would be so surprised if he thought this is affecting your love for him. If he really wont communicate though and get help then i dont see why u should stay in a siutation where ur not happy. You will have to tell him to leave if nothing changes.
2007-11-21 12:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by ~funkymonkey~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think is something all men do. Its like if you were describing my husband!!! Make sure you are not just angry at him. To fall out of love is something serious, because it would mean you would have to go the further step and separate. Is that the only thing that bothers you? Is he a good provider? Is he a good father (if there are any kids?)?
Maybe a counsellor will help, but if not, you will have to make the decision as to whether you want to stay in the relationship or walk away.
Good luck to you!
2007-11-21 12:20:59 · answer #5 · answered by Sesoid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I just ask, do you work or are you a housewife? If that is the case, then although I think his attitude is unnacceptable, it is perfectly acceptable for him to expect you to do those things whilst he is at work all day.
However, if you both work, then he is taking the pi@@ and should be helping you out. If you both work then the housework should be shared. Either way though, his attitude seems to be unnacceptable and he sounds very immature in my opinion!
To answer your initial question, when I fell out of love with my long term ex, I just left him. It broke his heart, but if there is no way of amending the situation then it is the best thing to do for both of you.
2007-11-21 12:15:11 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may go to some relatives for 3/4 weeks leaving your husband at home. At present he is not realizing your value and is taking you for granted. Your absence from home is likely to make him realize your true value and he may amend his ways.While leaving the house,make your freeze almost empty. This sounds cruel but he is bound to become active at least to meet his hunger. Try to resume conversation with him before you leave so that he retains good opinion about you when you are away.
2007-11-21 23:10:20 · answer #7 · answered by yogeshwargarg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is obviously a matter of lack of respect from his part.You are right,you shouldn't be his slave,but the fact that you are disappointed in his childish and iresponsible behavior doesn't mean you don't love him anymore.When you are hurt,you become confused,it's just a fact.Try a marriage counselor first.If that doesn't work b/c he refuses to go or doesn't cooperate,go to a therapist,for yourself,and then figure out if you truly want to leave.
2007-11-21 12:16:22 · answer #8 · answered by bittersweet84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo u don't say how old you are but if he is 45 and you have not been married long, he is a little set in his ways. He is from a generation whose mothers thought it was sissy for boys to do housework. Respect to the modern boys who can iron a shirt and cook a meal for themselves. You are unlucky you have a spoiled on.e
Try talking or counselling, its all you can do.
2007-11-21 12:18:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants a mother, not a wife.
YOU have to decide if you want to be married like this.
If talking won't work. then actually make him either do it or end the relationship.
If you do not do it for him, he would have no choice to either hire a person to do it. Or do it himself.
Tell him first, you will not be a maid, cook, or butler for him.
That as of this point, you will not be serving him anymore.
I do hope that you and him can work it out.
2007-11-21 12:17:13 · answer #10 · answered by silly_crazy_cool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl your not out of love your over worked. Of course when the lazy bum does nothing you feel that way. But you married him for a reason! Remember the reason then sit down and talk it out. If he doesnt get it seek outside help.
2007-11-21 12:13:35 · answer #11 · answered by liyah's mommy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋