Sex before marriage? Yes or no?

Question

I have been thinking about sex before marriage and different beliefs on why or why not.

One of my close friends strongly believes in living with someone before marriage and shall we say, "test driving before buying?" What happens if you get married without test driving your "vehicle" and it totally sucks? Then you are stuck with this person forever...however, if you "test drive" it, you know exactly how the sex will be and you know what you are in for...

Is this person wrong in their beliefs? I think its a valid concern...I wouldn't want to be with someone forever who sucked in bed.... would you?

Yeah, who really wants to have to teach someone how to have sex? I sure wouldn't. I want a guy who KNOWS what he is doing!!!

Now, to add to the perspective, I have been married to a wonderful man for two years in December, and we lived together for six months before our marriage. My ex husband who I didn't live with and I got divorced within six months of being married...

So, this question was merely a question to see how other people feel on the matter. I made that decision two and a half years ago and have never regreted it for a second.

For all of you who answered NO, you shouldn't have sex before marriage here a little statistic for you!

One of the top five reasons for divorce is sexual incompatability! That is a scientific FACT...

Answer 1

first off you should not get married for sex. sex will go away in time. you should marry the person you can live with forever. sex is just a small part of the big picture.

Answer 2

I totally understand the points your friend is making, but I am adamentally against sex before marriage. I get the practicality of testing things out, and I know first hand how much things change when you move in with someone and/or sleep with them. I couldn't believe what a slob my husband was when I moved in with him and how much it got on my nerves. I thought I knew him better then that after two years, but he suddenly seemed so inconsiderate about things around the house.
We both were virgins at marriage, and this was a spiritual belief of ours because of our christianity. It's about the principle of the thing. You have to decide whether sex before marriage is right or wrong to you.. no matter how practical it seems to do it before committing. There are great benefits to waiting, and if your relationship would be ruined by bad sex then you shouldn't be getting married anyway. Although it would be a great downside, your relationship should be about much more than sex.

Answer 3

No, no, no and MORE no.

The first thing you must do before marriage is make sure you're ready. Finish high school...get a college degree and/or some other kind of vocational training. Get a job and live on your own. Date. Find out what you do and don't like, and need and want. Give yourself time to MATURE.

When you do meet someone you want to marry, do things RIGHT. Don't jump into bed together. Actually DATE. That means dinners, movies, social dates. Interact with each other and with others as a couple, to find out how you work together and fit together. TALK about everything. KNOW them before you make a decision. THIS is the ONLY "test drive" you need.

Once you've decided, get married. THEN have sex. Have kids. Make a home.

If 100% of all people did it this way, marriages would be better, more children would be raised by happy, loving parents, and the divorce rate would NOT be as high as it is.

Answer 4

Ok....here goes. The topic of sex before marriage (or living together before marriage) is very personal. Every person has to make that decision to wait or not. Personally, I chose not to, and I don't regret it but I did make the rule that sex is for two people who truly love each other, so if there was any doubt in my mind that it was true love, then I refused to have sex.

Anyway, as far as the whole "test driving" thing, it's sort of flawed logic. Would you stay in a relationship that sucked just because the sex was good? No. You also shouldn't leave a relationship that you're otherwise happy in because of bad sex. There are things that you can do about it. There are classes you can take, books to read, websites, etc. all about how to please each other sexually. If for some reason, he doesn't, that's something that can be worked on. In my opinion, if the sex is bad but everything else is great: stay in the relationship and work on the sex.

Furthermore, if you've waited until marriage to have sex, you won't have anything to compare it to and you won't even really know whether it's bad sex or not. You can learn together. (Side note: sex with anyone is bad the first few times.)

Finally: If you think of sex with a bf or living together before marriage as "test driving a car" that takes all the romance out of it. Sex is the deepest, most intimate way to express love to another person, and it should always be thought of as that. If you think of it as "test driving a car" then it will lose its magic and be unsatisfying anyway. The purpose of sex is to express love and to do it for any other purpose bastardizes the entire act. It won't be as fulfilling because it's being done for the wrong reason.

Conclusion: If you love someone and decide you want to have sex with them, fine. Be safe, make sure they're ok with that, and have a great time. Don't worry about how good it is because I promise it will get better. If you choose to wait until you're married to have sex, more power to you. It's a noble choice and very brave to go against society so strongly. Don't worry about sex with your husband being bad. The first time will be magical (even if it is technically bad) because you love each other and you waited. The technical aspects will get better with time.

I really hope this helps. Make the decision for yourself. Don't let others pressure you. Good luck!

Answer 5

I dont think that I could ever marry a virgin.
Some people actually do not like sex. Marriage would be an awful big step to take and THEN find out that you are sexually incompatable.

Or even someone that I was the only one they had ever had. Wouldn't they always wonder? How can you be their choice if they had no experience to choose from? And for that matter, what good would it be for them to say things like "oh you are so good"?

Personally I see very little benefit in the whole virginity thing.

Answer 6

I agree to a point, yes it would be hard if the two are sexually incompatible but on the other hand its only one third of the overall equation. if there is doubts on the emotional and spiritual end of the relationship could make the marriage to fail just as well. If you have just focused on just the physical aspect it doesn't mean that the marriage would survive. Sexual knowledge can be improved over time of being together and it changes during time to what is important in your marriage.

My marriage failed on the incompatible and it also failed on lack of communication and belief systems. So in hind-sight be sure of all aspects of the relationship before entering into it.

Answer 7

The "test driving before buying" argument doesn't make sense to me because if two people are really in love, then whatever sexual difficulties they have at first can be resolved. You will discuss them and ultimately figure them out. If one of the purposes of having sex is to give your partner pleasure, then the two of you will work at trying to find ways to give each other pleasure.

Answer 8

Well from my perspective people tell me, since I have waited too long to have sex, I might as well wait for marriage. I disagree with this sentiment.

I would like to be monogamous but would like to make sure the woman and I were compatible first before committing to anything long term.

Answer 9

I say go for it, make it freaky and fun.

Otherwise 13 years, 3 months and 2 days later you'll be sitting around wondering what the heck you missed out on by abstaining

Answer 10

Sounds like you've already made up your mind, that you're going to start test-driving men soon. Most women do, and we men love that about your gender. Hope you find a make/model you can live with.